Febrezing Wall Street

An Occupy Wall Street’er sniffs a nostrilful of Febreze, courtesy of Mrs. Jensen. She sprays her husband’s police uniform with a spritz of perfumey heaven every morning, right before work. 

By guest poser poster Armin von Schenliech III, Occupy Any Town Protestor

I am a petulant baby. I must get my way. Nevermind that I do not want to work. You will forgive my college loans. I am the 99%. We are an elite club, most of you are not in it.

I stand in solidarity with Ben and Jerry’s Ice-Cream.

Likewise, I do not stand in solidarity with fake eyebrows.

Kanye West at Occupy Wall Street with Bodyguards and gold chains

As for our protest, you say Kanye West was there?

 I’ll download his albums on iTunes because he is one of us.

He appeared with the Deaf Def Jam mogul, Russell Simmons? He the man too.

(Russell Simmons’ tweet: “I love how sweet and tolerant [Kanye] was to the crowd.”)

I don’t care that:

Critics have cited that West ranked No. 3 on Forbes’ list of top earners in hip-hop. The rapper didn’t make a speech when he attended the protests but simply walked through the throngs, who warmly greeted him.

I wonder if anyone (who is anyone) else appeared, to show support for all us law-abiding citizens and all:

Kanye West and Russell Simmons followed visits from documentary filmmaker Michael Moore, actress Susan Sarandon, actor Mark Ruffalo, comedian Roseanne Barr, actor Tim Robbins, rapper Talib Kweli and “Gossip Girl” actor Penn Badgley.

Blake Lively and Penn Badgley (Tool)

Wait, you say Penn Bedgley is a hypocrite because he stars in Gossip Girl? And attends glitzy award shows and had the paparazzi following him and his then-girlfriend Blake Lively on their expensive vacations? Oh, and he drives a sporty Audi? I don’t mind. . .

When Badgley attended the demonstration last week, he acknowledged some awkwardness in his celebrity status as a sign-carrying protester.

“I mean, listen, it’s cheesy … but I want to do whatever I can,” Badgley told the website Capital New York. “Let’s be honest: I’m on … ‘Gossip Girl.’ … It’s absurd that celebrity power is what it is, but, like, use any tool you have, you know?”

Hmm, what sort of merchandise is available at the protest? How about some condoms:

Meantime, a lesser-known merchandiser, New York City-based Condomania, is selling “Occupy Condoms.” They sport the slogan: “We won’t be screwed!” But doesn’t this bold declaration essentially negate the need for a condom?

Is it hypocritical, you ask, for millionaires who do advertisements for credit card companies to support the protest? I don’t think so:

Others have pointed out the corporations some of the supportive celebrities endorse.

Yoko Ono, Alec Baldwin and Jane Fonda have voiced support for the protests. Baldwin is a pitchman for Capital One Bank.

Capital One Bank, adding more chins to Alec Baldwin, while he supports protests against them

Baldwin has used his Twitter account to rebut criticism.

Responding to claims that he was hypocritical for being anti-capitalist and a wealthy actor, Baldwin wrote, “No. They just want regulated capitalism.”

Ono tweeted:

“I love OccupyWallStreet. As John said, ‘One hero cannot do it. Each one of us have to be heroes.’ And you are. Thank you.”

In the meantime, I will wear my Occupy Wall Street T-shirt.

Ideas are bulletproof. Unless, of course, they are not. Only one way (sarc) to find out.