Alright newbie, ready to jumpstart your blog with some serious page-views? Listen up:
1. Get linked by Instapundit and Linkiest. There are good Americans and then there are great Americans. Glenn and John are both. They will link you if your blogpost is good.
2. Very, very slightly irritating and known is better than Britishly polite and unknown. There is no stiff upper lip in the blogosphere. There is however a stiff uppercut and it is called no readers. And it hurts.
3. A white background with black writing seems to work the best at keeping your work readable.
4. Get in a blog war with a gruesome killer you have never met. Accuse him of watching the Gilmore Girls. Maintain at least two continents between you and him. Get ever so nervous when his Commanding Officer, a Marine Major, is the first to comment on the blogpost. After only fifty minutes of you posting it.
5. I generally don’t post Rule #5s. I have pubished two in my entire three-and-a-half week career. For the ladies (NSFW). For the brohams (NSFW). It’s up to you. . .
6. Write for yourself. The second I try to write a post for popularity, I freeze. I try to act the expert, I freeze. I relax, smile, and presto, it oozes out.
7. Sure, throw in all the techie neat stuff: RSS, Twitter, Facebook, SEO, feedburner, 1.21 gigawatt servers, etc. But if you don’t have quality posts, you are merely gussying up a hog, a hog that wastes your time. . .
8. If you are a milblogger, you have a built-in audience. Introduce yourself with an email to other milbloggers. Retirees will hook you up. Even folks in the Salvation Army.
9. Another tip for the milbloggers, go to your service. Lex set me up with my first uber-link. He too, is a great American, a retired Navy Captain. Er, this kind of Captain. If you are cab driver, join in a blogade with other cab drivers. Find your clan. Then branch out.
10. You must must must have an error-free blog. Edit ruthlessly.
11. I like big links and I cannot lie. You other bloggers you can’t deny. Ask your favorite blogger for a link. Once they link, blogroll them. Then, ask them for a blogroll link. There are some great Americans out there. And Brits.
12. GoDaddy is a great service. Despite Number 4 above, I looked into them because their owner was/is a Leatherneck. I use WordPress with site analytics. I am not being paid to say that they are worth every penny. (Unless, of course, they want to pay me. You listening GoDaddy?)
13. Pop culture generates its own targets.
14. Find the adventure in daily life. Talk to people. Then write about it. Don’t be too introverted. I don’t want to know that you woke up late this morning. I do want to know that you heard gunshots last night. That it sounded like a .308. I also want to know what neighborhood you live in to ensure I never visit.
15. Have a renowned blogger quoted by Rush Limbaugh be the first to link you. Become friends with this great American by commenting on her blog over several years. Then ask her (bleg) for a link. Then watch as she takes a ONE month trip to Europe and beyond.
16. Blog from the heart. You don’t as much find your heart as become it. (Yikes, that sounds like a boy band song. Still, it is true.)
17. Get Texas on your side.
18. Insult: yourself, the Marines, the Army, yourself again, the Air Force, the SecDef, Fwance, civilians, John Kerry, yourself again.
19. Bust fraudulent military charities.
20. Start your own blog now. Generate some content. Make sure it is well-edited and readable. Send me a link, no mater what the subject. I will read well-written blogposts on prairie dogs before I will read some knucklehead with my interests who can’t write. If you have a clear, well-lit blog (or a clear well-lighted one), I will find a way to link you. Twilight bloggers: post on more than just teeny vampires for a linky.
21. Show the Wiz behind the curtain. Not the wiz on the curtain.
22. Piss off a real jihadi. Read the note at the top left column of my blog.
23. Don’t worry about no one responding to your email bleg. Marketing research indicates that it takes hearing a product’s name three times to have it really sink in. www.themellowjihadi.com, www.themellowjihadi.com, www.themellowjihadi.com. When you send out your email, put your profession in the subject. As in: Question from a Taxi Driver about the Mellow Jihadi. I can’t not read it.
24. Always carry a pen and paper around with you to capture ideas.
25. Write lists, keep them concise and focused. Don’t go over 25 bullets. . .
Update: Thanks Linkiest for the link!