Timberlake Mocks Chavez!

Please get out your Zippo and sing with me. Imagine Justin Timberlake as Elton John mocking ol’ Hugo Chavez in the classic Candle in the Wind:

You said the U.S. causes earthquakes and you outlawed Coke Zero. And on your shoulder sat your parrot with a matching red beret,” Timberlake sang.

Timberlake said Chavez helped make his country the kidnapping capital of the world. But on a positive note,  Chavez “increased milk production by almost 50 percent” and hosted his own TV show, Hello Mr. President.

You were hero to your people and you never gave up a fight. We’ll Miss you Hugo Chavez, because. . .

 Live from New York it’s Saturday Night!

Female Marine: BBC Woman of the Year?

All day long, visitors have been trickling over to the ol’ blog looking for “Kelsey de Santis.” And I wondered: what the heck has the good Corporal done now? She already double-barrel shotgunned Justin Timberlake into going as her date to the Marine Corps Ball. I can’t imagine anything else attracting such attention. Could she have been thrown in the brig? Been deployed?

Nope. Turns out the Corporal has been chosen as one of the dozen Faces of the Year by the BBC. In case you forgot, here is the good Corporal:

Corporal Kelsey de Santis

Whoops, that is not Corporal de. That is:

One of Spain’s richest and flamboyant women, the Duchess of Alba married again at the age of 85 to a civil servant, Alfonso Diez Carabantes, 24 years her junior. The wedding took place at a palace in Seville from which she emerged to dance flamenco. The Duchess is said to be worth more than $4bn.

Take two, without further ado, hailing from the Corps, Marine division, Corporal de Santis:

Corporal Kelsey de Santis

Ach, what the heck is going on with the media department tonight? That is:

Sweetie (Tian Tian), along with her fellow giant panda Sunshine, was welcomed at Edinburgh airport with cheers and bagpipes after the pair’s 11-hour journey from Chengdu in western China. Their arrival is the culmination of five years of lobbying by the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland and the British government. Even the four pilots wore kilts in the pandas’ honour. The pandas are on loan for a decade at a cost of £600,000 per year.

Take three. Weighing in from the Department of the Navy, Marine Corps (olive) branch, Corporal Kelsey de Santis:

Corporal Kelsey de Santis

And the wordy wordage:

A US Marine from Virginia, Corporal Kelsey de Santis, had a dream come true when actor and singer Justin Timberlake accepted her YouTube appeal that he take her to the Marine Corps Ball in Richmond, Virginia. The combat instructor was inspired to invite him after Timberlake had publicly encouraged his friend and Hollywood star Mila Kunis to accept a similar invitation from a serviceman. “It was wonderful, a really good experience,” she said after the event. Although she said there was no goodnight kiss.

No goodnight kiss? What about a goodnight arm-bar? Ach, none of our business. Go read the others. That’s all, folks!

The Navy, the Marine Corps, and Celebrities

I ran across pictures of two celebrities, the singer Rihanna and the actress Mila Kunis, tonight. The first one, of Rihanna, I had to doctor somewhat. I think you can tell what is behind the blue rectangle. The original can be found here:

Rihanna Flicking Off the Camera During the Filming of Battleship

The second picture is from (yet another) Marine Corps Ball. The actress Mila Kunis and her date, Marine Corps Sergeant Scott Moore:

Mila Kunis, Marine Corps Ball, Sergeant Scott Moore

Okay, so both ladies were born outside the United States. Rihanna moved here from Saint Michael, Barbados, when she was sixteen. And Mila Kunis moved to Los Angeles when she was seven from Chernivtsi in the Ukrainian SSR.

Rihanna is filming Battleship. Just Jared, a pop website, decribed the movie as:

Rihanna and co-star Taylor Kitsch take on the roles of naval officers as they shoot scenes for their new movie, Battleship, in Oahu, Hawaii.

No details have been spilled about Ri’s character but Alexander Skarsgard will play a straight and narrow naval officer while Taylor will be the wildly spirited naval officer who idolizes his brother. Supermodel Brooklyn Decker also stars!

Rihanna in Battleship as a Petty Officer in the US Navy

First things first, Rihanna is not playing a naval officer, she is a Petty Officer. Look at her cover and collar on the left. Probably a Petty Officer Second Class. Or perhaps a Third Class?

Rihanna needs to understand that her role is bigger than herself. Her behavior in flicking off the camera is reprehensible. I particularly liked what my Shipmate here said:

I do have a more specific issue though, Rihanna and her behavior in a U.S. Navy uniform. I’m sure she couldn’t begin to understand the commitment it takes to earn the right to wear that uniform so I’ll give her a pass. As a black female NAVY veteran honorably discharged it’s disrespectful to see someone taking my uniform as a joke or just regular clothing.

Enough with that nonsense. Mila Kunis, star of That ’70s Show and Black Swan (with the kisser, Natalie Portman), and date to Sergeant Moore at his Marine Corps Ball, was nothing but classy at the event. Much like Justin Timberlake was with Corporal Kelsey De Santis. Smart move on both their parts. Free publicity is priceless. A Marine Corporal and a Captain had the following to say:

Mila Kunis and Sergeant Scott Moore, Marine Corps Ball

“A bunch of us are going to go our separate ways and us as a battalion, we’re going to spend this night together and just celebrate Marine Corps birthday under traditions we do for the Marine Corps everyday,” said Corporal William Steffy.

Mila Kunis, Macaulay Culkin

But the Marines admitted having Ms. Kunis here, was an honor in itself.

“She’s going to get a chance to learn about the Marine Corps and we’re all going to have a great time celebrating the Marine Corps birthday,” said Captain Scott Sasser.

Good job, Mila. You really plastered a smile on that Marine’s face. We can now forgive you for dating Macaulay Culkin for eight (8) years. . .

The Absolute Last Justin Timberlake Post of the. . .

Kelsey De Santis and her Pointer, Justin Timberlake

Mr. T’lake pulled up to the Marine Corps Ball and put on a show of pure class. Per all accounts, he appeared genuine in his response to the bloodthirsty, piratey Marines present.

Of the event, he had this to share. It:

“turned out to be one of the most moving evenings I’ve ever had.”

As for De Santis? “She seemed to be so humble and honest… Very cool.”

Corporal Kelsey De Santis USMC, Pink MMA Killah

Speaking of the battle-hardened Corporal, she tweetered:

The ball was epic! Had a wonderful time.

Apparently she just fought in a MMA fight three weeks ago. Her promo material is here, with the picture to the right.

This remains one of the feel-good stories of the last couple weeks in military-land. Both the Marine Corps and Justin came out of the exchange smelling like highly tactical carnations.

A giant hand, Justin Timberlake, and Corporal Kelsey De Santis, BF@MCB

I mentioned it at work (where no one knows I blog) and folks all seemed to be in grok-mode over its existence.

Now if we can only get everyone to memorize all the ‘Stans. (Tajikistan, Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, um, Nightstan. . .)

What is next in the world of Marine Corps Balls social events?

Well, calling out celebrities is apparently all the rage. This guy hollered Will Ferrell. And this rapping Marine Sergeant (named Ray Lewis, although not the Raven) invited very Golden Girl Betty White.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, Marine Corps’ Ballers

As a fellow blogger and reader pointed out in this post, the next biggest evolution is, of course, Mila Kunis and Sergeant Scott Moore.

The official blurb on YouRube:

Sgt Scott Moore with 3rd Battalion 2nd Marines in Musa Qala, Afghanistan asks Mila Kunis to the Marine Corps Ball in Greenville, NC on November 18th.

That is on Friday. It should be interesting.

Kelsey De Santis, Ranger Up

One last news-worthy note. Apparently, the good Corporal De Santis is sponsored by Ranger Up. Her story lists her working in France, training with Military Working Dogs, and getting trapped in an elevator as highlights of her five-year Marine Corps career.

All of which probably prepared her for an evening with Mr. Timberlake.

Aw, sorry. The guy came through. Nothing but class and I have to go and run him down like that. Yo JT, forget that I evah gave you a hard time over your dye-job. . .

Corporal Punishment and Your Local Tweeny-Bopper

Rooting around the web, I found the following picture of Cpl De Santis, standing amidst three fire hydrants:

Corporal Kelsey De Santis, USMC

She is the third from left. (But you knew that.) And below is Justin Timberlake, a couple of unfortunate dye jobs ago:

Bye bye: Justin Timberlake and a friend

Justin is the one on the left right.

Let’s review, Corporal De Santis:

Cpl De Santis, mixed martial fighter, USMC killer. (Look at the blood on the other girl!)

Justin Bieber T’lake:

Justin sez: momma!

Corporal punishment versus your local tweeny-bopper. I put my money on the Leatherneck Laceneck.

Update: Looking to support the Marine Corps? America’s 1st Sergeant is accepting, for a limited time, your spare fruit-cake recipes. . .

Dancing Marines?

Corporal Kelsey De Santis invites Justin Timberlake to the Marine Corps Ball

What is the Corps coming to? A Marine stationed at the Martial Arts Center for Excellence (MACE) in Quantico, Virginia, Corporal Kelsey De Santis, challenged Justin Timberlake to a dance-off:

“My friends keep saying, ‘Dance-off!’ They know about my skills,” Cpl. De Santis told Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush and Kit Hoover of her “multiple signature moves,” including “The Dougie.”

“I honestly don’t think he’ll be able to keep up with my group of people… I don’t think he’ll be able to keep up with us.”

The Dougie, is that some exotic Parris Island training she learned on the sly? She sure looks happy:

Corporal Kelsey De Santis and ‘N Sync’s Justin Timberlake at the Marine Corps Ball in Quantico

How the heck did the Marine ever get hooked-up with the ex-‘N Sync’er? Well, tactical blood-curdler that a corporal is, she asked him:

The Marine, who is stationed at the Marine Corps base at Quantico, invited Justin to the Marine Corps Ball back in July on YouTube, saying, “And if you can’t go, all I can say is, ‘Cry me a river!’”

She wins points for bravery and strategic brilliance. As for the Dougie, the jury is still in session. The footage has not been smuggled out of Quantico. Yet. But it will. I know junior enlisted. . .

In the Navy, Village People
Frank Sinatra in a bad Dixie

Never again will the Marine Corps be able to joke about either:

The Village People’s groan-worthy 70s hit In the Navy!

-Or-

Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly wearing their goofy Dixie Caps like nurses’ bonnets in Anchors Aweigh!

Update: Please go to this link for a story on my Marine Corps Drill Instructor at OCS or here for a blogpost on my SEAL training deployment. Or select from any of the topics to the left (scroll down) on the Home Page. . .