When I first started blogging, I emailed a bunch of established bloggers and was generally extra extroverted with the blogosphere. I made some good blog friends and continue to chat with a lot of them. I did not want a small, unread blog. I was after a boutique, vaguely-read blog and I seem to’ve achieved that.
That said, it is time for the new wave. It is time to go Bauhaus (pre post-modernism) on this blog. To get all up jihadi in this here place. So let’s try a courtship of sorts. I’ma gonna email various shady folks from Pakistan and Saudi Arabia and maybe even France (if I am feeling frisçée) with the following email:
Ya ikhwan/akhwan! Salaam Alaykums!
Yo, I am new to the jihad game. I am a laid-back (waaaay back) jerhadi who gave up a life of smoove kafarism to join this here jihad racket. I am looking for tips, encouragement, shwarma recipes. And answers to my questions. Mostly they are the queries of a beginner on the path:
-How do I keep my internal jihad from going external? I am thinking I am pretty internal and boom, I get all external with it. Any thoughts short of buying new wardrobe items? (I used to rock skinny jeans pretty hard, but going external in ‘dose bad-boys, look out. I got stories! Let’s just say I’m no longer welcome in Farhad’s Falafel House over in Echo Park.)
-Is body waxing haram? I’m caged out here in the sunny shores of Cali and they wax everything, and I mean everything: their legs, their surfboards, their ’67 Camaroes, their backs (yes, imagine that, ouchies), even battleships!
-I am looking for penpals from other countries. Do you know anyone who likes to chat with an American on-line on a blog? I am harmless, jihad-centric. I would say I am a Capricorn, but I left those western games behind for the eat-sleep-fight jihad hard-corps.
I may be lite (easy, crazy, cool) with my request, but I am looking to engage in some pretty heartfelt dialogue on anything you all want to talk about with a dude from California. Do you have a favorite imam or mullah? (In California, we pronounce money, moolah. So when a mullah has really got it going on, as in on his game, do you say ‘dat mullah is moolah, yo!)
Anyway, go to this link. (Link here.) I call myself the Mellow Jihadi. And when asked if it is true, as in: how can you be a mellow and a jihadi, I say, look dude, don’t harsh my jihadi, don’t make me go all mellow on you! (Um, actually swap those out. Don’t harsh my mellow, don’t make me get all jihadi on you…)
I await with fishy, baited breath. This should be interesting. I could go nowhere. Or I could get a couple of responses. One thing I’ve found is most folks don’t bother to read other pages when responding to a new blog. I usually do, but I may be nerdish.
Or maybe, I should try the more sedate approach:
Hello! I am looking to engage in a dialogue about jihad. Please go here to join in the conversation. Your reply is appreciated!
What do you think? Which one should I go with? My intention is to just troll the internet and send out mass emails. Don’t tell anyone, but this is a good way to generate more readers. It is like chumming, no pun intended. When we do decide, please feel free to send the new link I put up to anyone in the Middle East or beyond who might have an opinion on the jihad racket.
We got ourselves a blog, might as well go attack the blogosphere. I feel like a Lamborghini owner with a tankful of gas, heading out of El Lay onto the grapevine. Onward!