The Unbloggable Lightness of Being

Blogs are funny beasts. Back when I was setting up this website, I found a GoDaddy feature that shows what spiders crawl the blog. They are essentially in the background, crawling and reporting back to google, bing, yahoo, dogpile, etc. I just flipped over to the stat analytic page that reads the bots, and it tells me that google was onboard for 1 hour and 14 minutes looking for content on beavers. For once in my blogging career, I am speechless. Beavers?

I next clicked on the key word menu that shows the search terms that folks use to find (or show up) at this blog. And despite having never posted on this topic, 713 hits were generated last week over honey boo boo holiday photo. Wow, who knew? I’ll bet there were a lot of disappointed Honey Boo Boo fans. Well, now you guys have something to look at, this post!

One last note, if you all ever want to turn any post into an open thread, you have my thumb’s-up. I’ve said it before, I’ll be at work and come home to thirty comments and it is a neat surprise. Don’t ever feel like you are highjacking the blog. We are a community of sorts. Me, the beaver and honey boo boo blogger and y’all, the . . .

Website Work

Blogging will be light tonight while I help a friend build a website.

If you want to start your own website, my recommendation is GoDaddy. Easy and intuitive. WIth one caveat: make sure your web connection is fast. The user interface is slow to load.

Oh and save your work every chance you get!

Prepare for Inspection

Are you ready for your inspection? No? Pas de problème, because I am the one being inspected. I have the following to report to you:

-I recently passed 200K in pageviews. Thanks for visiting and returning. Getting this blog 5 and-a-half months ago was the best 100 bucks I ever spent.

-My favorite spam: The tree of liberty occasionally requires watering with the blood of tyrants and patriots pure african mango. (Yes, a spammer quoted Thomas Jefferson and then put in a plug for, um, mango?)

-Blogrolls. I apologize if I am slow to update my blogroll. Here is the thing, though. Blogrolls don’t drive a lot of readers. Especially if you are small, which I am. Links, however, push immediate readership. If you link me, blogroll or otherwise, I will throw you a link too. Promise.

-If you comment here, I am probably going to mossy (mosi?) mosey over to your blog if you include your address. I don’t mean to freak you out, I am not stalking you. Several, many, multiple bloggers commented here once and then never again.

-Also, I don’t comment on other blogs as much as I should. I don’t know how people eat, work, snack, have a life, grub, sleep, chow, and blog. I usually end up sacrificing one or two of those activities. And it is not the eatin’, I can tell you ‘dat. . .

-For the life of me, I can’t differentiate between a duck and a goose. For many of you down-home backwoods types, no doubt this is funny. (Corny line warning, prepare yourself for the next sentence.) Truly, I was raised mostly in the city and suburbs, but my heart is all country. Now I am gonna hafta learn the ducks and them geesies.

-As usual, my sitemeter at the bottom of the page and the GoDaddy one do not match. The counter on my page does not count multiple pages as separate. Unless they are a set time apart. GoDaddy’s counter does. But the GoDaddy meter does not count google visits and my imbedded one does. (There, that is more than you ever wanted to read on sitemeters.)

-Favorite searches: Obama janitor, environmental nutjobs, fur-R-E cars, how to make a suit from scratch, is prince an alpha male, love notes for your girlfriend, obama in japan army, Occupy Wall Street is stupid, poems to your boyfriend saying your sorry, putin ridiculous, types of body waxes in India, جيزيل بوندشن, a date with Wonder Woman.

Counter-Intelligence

Non-bloggers, standby to be bored. And 99% of you bloggers, standby for similar yawning.

So, I have three site-meters (counters) and none of them agree! I have one that you do not see, supplied by my blog/domain geniuses, GoDaddy. This is my official one. I long-ago programmed in my IP address so I do not register counts when I am writing posts. (It screens out all visits from my household.) I think this is the right thing to do.

Then I have a new counter, nearly two weeks old. That is down on the left column. It has three options: pages, hits, and unique (visitors.) The numbers on that thing get gaudy, simply because the first option “pages” counts every movement on the page, every click. The “hits” counts all visits and all clicks that stay on the blog (such as page two, categories, etc), but not clicks to links away from the site. And the third option is unique visitors. The default is pages, the first option, so the numbers look super-high. I feel like Michael Moore at a buffet whenever I eye that thing.

The last site-meter is on the bottom left of the page. It counts only one page-view per person, no matter how many pages you look at. It takes a set amount of time before it will count two clicks. I think mine is set to one hour?

Bottom line, I use GoDaddy as my official meter. The one you can’t see. And the others do provide some interesting metrics. Again, sorry for boring you. . .

We Want You, No We Don’t

So I received this email recently (names deleted):

Hi,

We recently contacted you regarding advertising for one of our clients.

We pay an annual fee to you as soon as the advert is live. It is a straightforward process and we work with you to make sure we fit naturally with your site. Please let me know if you are interested and I’ll send you more details.

Would you be interested in selling us a simple text based advertisement on your website Themellowjihadi.com?

Best regards,

Wow, this was great, I thought. I rogered up and told the representative that I was interested in hearing their offer. Then I received this:

Hi,

Sorry! On this occasion, we could not match your site with a current client. However, we are continuously bringing new clients on board and I expect to have a good match for you in the near future.

With your permission, I’ll keep your site on our list and will get back to you if I find a suitable advertiser.

In the meantime, if you or anyone you know manages other sites that we might consider then please feel free to forward them to me.

By the way, you can find out more about **** ***** and the work of our team here: *****

Best regards,

Was this spam? Unlikely, because it was sent to my personal email address that I use only for family. And for GoDaddy.

I believe the good folks at GoDaddy sell information to certain advertisers. And they got my info. I imagine they read more of this site and decided I was not kosher, or at least not their kosher. It was nice to be considered. Perhaps it was my Batman-like stats that scared them away?

Holy Schnikeys, is that you Batman?!?

Fellow bloggers, if you want their contact info, I will be glad to forward it on. Perhaps you and your blog are a better, kosherer fit?

Thank You!

Go Daddy Stats

Early this morning, my page-view count exceeded 100,000 on my GoDadddddy site analytic tools. Thank you for your readership! I started this blog on July 9th and it has been nothing but fun.

StatCounter Stats

Please note that my GoDaddy Stats are slightly higher than my embedded stats (from StatCounter), located at the bottom left of this page. This is due to the process they use in counting page-views.

GoDaddy registers two page-views if a reader goes onto the second page of posts. Whereas the embedded StatCounter needs an hour between clicks to register twice.

Me, in my Navy Dress Whites, expressing blog happiness

Hand Salute for Picture: here.