Have Faith, the Ensigns Are Here!

EnsignEnsign is a special rank in the Navy. It is the first tour for newb officers and folks approach them differently. I try to be jovial with the Enswines. It is easy to give ‘em a hard time, I had a couple of folks think it funny to rib me (more than my share) when I rocked the golden bars.

So I am sitting in a housing brief and the retired Army guy giving the lecture turns to the four Ensigns at the end of the table and asks: Hey, what is wrong with you guys? You all look constipated!

I smile and before I could engage my filter, I mutter loudly: Ah you know, they’re Ensigns. 

Right you are, the briefer replies squinting at their rank. Relax guys. . . 

He finishes the brief and I dart a look or two back at the Ensign crew. One of them returns the look with a frown.

Later, I see three of them at the bustop. And one of them again looks at me askance.

EnsignSo I roll up jovially, introduce myself, and chat with them. Where did you go to school? What community are you in? What ship are you going to? Watch out for this. . . Keep an eye on this job if you want to lateral transfer into this. . . General Navy gouge for the boys.

Moral of the story: If you are an Ensign, relax and stay focused. If you are not an Ensign, for goodness sakes, help the lads out. There has got to be better ways to loosen up the Ensign crew than the old way, injecting their gizzards with copious quantities of rum.

You Still Got a Thing for Nancy Pelosi?

Nancy PelosiOur Navy, while in the hundreds of thousands of Sailors, is really quite small. Part of my job is talking to ships, sort of a cross between customer service help-desk and Sherlock Holmesian interrogation. I am wary, trying to determine by conversing with the Division Officer if they actually need assistance or whether they are not using the equipment properly.

I called up a ship yesterday and was chatting away with the DivO. His name sounded almost familiar, but not quite. So, I grilled him carefully, politely. He was the same way with me.

And in talking to him, I asked him his prior job. He replied with the exact billet where I was last! We both were fliers out of the Middle East.

Hmmm, was this possible? Wait, I trained him! Except his email has a different first name. That’s right, he uses his middle name.

We laughed and chatted about our current jobs. And then I asked the question: you still got a thing for Nancy Pelosi?

He cracked up. I was the OIC of the flying detachment and I told the very trusting (country boy) Detachment Chief that the new Ensign had a little thing for Nancy Pelosi. And the Chief believed me. Mostly because the new Ensign was a prior Chief. And our Det Chief looked at anyone who would turn his back on the Goat Locker as crazy.

Nancy PelosiOne other thing, the new Ensign did not deny it immediately. He played along, like it was a big joke. (Which it was to me, but not the Det Chief!) He would laugh and act like he maybe had a little twinkle for the Speaker of the House.

Weeks went by and I would hear Chief ask the Ensign: You sure you don’t got a lil’ thang for Nancy Pelosi?

Moral of the story: Deny deny deny. . .