- Adam Shulman, Anne Hathaway, the Mellow Jihadi
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Let’s get right to our breaking news: Occupy Wall Street‘s Anne Hathaway has gotten engaged!
Not only did the 99%er bag the ring, she actually acknowledged the Mellow Jihadi in her engagement announcement. And the proof below will shock you! She took us to task for our previous work, calling this blog “not good story.”
But before we discuss the tawdry dirty laundry, let’s scarf the details:
The star of “Rachel Getting Married” is about to have a wedding of her own. Anne Hathaway is engaged to her boyfriend of three years, Adam Shulman, an actor and jewelry designer.
The couple sparked rumors of their impending nuptials yesterday when Hathaway sported a very blingy ring on her left ring finger as the two strolled through Prospect Park with their dog. The actress’ her rep confirmed the news to Us Weekly.
- Enos, Sonny Shroyer, original Dukes of Hazzard
Adam is an actor and a jewelry designer? Heading over to IMDB right now. Okay, his defining role is that of Deputy Enos Strate in Jessica Simpson’s Dukes of Hazzard movie. The bug-eyed actor Sonny Shroyer originated the character, a slice of thespian masterwork not seen since Don Knotts in the aviation series, Knotts’ Landing.
Hmmmm, upon further review, it was not the Jessica Simpson movie, but the bombastic prequel. That came out to universal hisses in 2007. In Spain, it was titled: Dos chalados y muchas curvas – El comienzo. (Blogger, who cried and cried wolf, confession: that is the real title. No joke.)
As for other acting jigs, do not discount Mr. Shulman’s star turn as Youth Voter #1 in the West Wing. Any role with a number attached signifies stardom. Marlon Brando himself got his first big break as Anonymous Mumbler #3.
- Adam Shulman’s Jewelry
Okay, so clearly Adam is not about to burn up the acting world anytime soon. Let’s peer at his jewelry to the left.
Lightkeeper is its name. It can be found here. I don’t get it. The price: $1100. Wow. Do we have any jewelry experts in the house? Who can explain it to us? It comes with a pair of tweezers. Not twizzlers, tweezers.
On his jewelry website, a guy who calls himself the curator (like a museum curator?) remarks on the Lightkeeper piece:
“Adam Shulman is a Renaissance man with a wealth of fascinating ideas that transcend many creative disciplines. James Banks is a design byproduct of his beautiful imagination.”
Yeah yeah. I know a snorkling expedition when I see one. Obscure reference guide: A snorkling expedition is a snarky phrase, very often thrown around by senior military bosses to junior folk. I myself, received it once. Once:
Him: Ensign NavyOne, I am poaching you to join my department and take over Division 99 as a Division Officer.
Me: Great, sir! I think I will get 99 tattooed on my forearm.
Him: (One raised eyebrow.)
Me: (Weak, waning smile.)
Him: (Eyebrow returning to normal.) Knock off the snorkling expedition, Ensign NavyOne.
Me: Yes sir. No more brown-nosing from me.
Him: (One raised eyebrow.)
Me: (Weak, waning smile.) Well, for today at least.
Him: (Eyebrow returning to normal.)
Me: (Weak, waxing smile.)
- Why is Anne Hathaway Mad at the Mellow Jihadi?
So as previously documented, Ms. Hathaway had some rocky moments when she dated a convicted conman for four years. She was known to be risk-adverse to hitchy relationships; the mama and paparazzi even dubbed her Anne There’s-No-Way, when they asked the 99%er if she would ever get married.
But the cherry on the weekend sundae was when Princess Anne took this blog to task in her final statement to Harper’s Bazaar. (Not to be confused with the emo rag, Larper’s Bizarre):
“So far, it’s worked out great,” she told Harper’s Bazaar. “Mellow doesn’t always make for a good story, but it makes for a good life.”
Mellow does not always make for a good story?!? I am pissed. What’s she got against this obscure blog? Oh well, I’ll take the good life thingee. No such animal as bad press, right?