Tag Archives: DLI

1 Billion Rising and the Qu’ran

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When I lived in the Bay Area, I saw a fair number of protests. Most were ridiculous affairs and only served to annoy folks who were trying to get around town. (Folks probably refers to me, and folks of my ilk. I imagine some people liked ‘em. But they were not per se folks. Take my word on it. I could provide links, but I’ll will spare your visual receptor nerves.)

Eve Ensler, the writer of the Vagina Monologues used this Valentine Day to stage an anti-rape dance/protest known as 1 Billion Rising. The self-righteous smugness of some of the protestors is as expected. Although, I agree with the idea that rape in all forms is unacceptable. But I think any sane person thinks this way too.

Take this dhimmi holding up a sign about the Qu’ran. Who spells it that way? Seriously. Why not Koran or Quran? Because this is the Bay Area and we must be culturally obsequious. And has she read the Koran? I have and it is not the book she thinks it is.

Eve Ensler's 1 Billion Rising, anti-rape protest in San Francisco

Eve Ensler’s 1 Billion Rising, anti-rape protest in San Francisco

If you look in the top corner of her sign, on the right side, you will see a clumsy attempt at writing the word allah (الله.) Her letters look weird and it reminds me of my first attempts at writing Arabic. The first four weeks of Arabic instruction at our military language school (DLI) is called scream and scribble. And scribble we did. (Although I never screamed, except in frustration.) As for the poor lady and her sign, she is lost. I pity her and all these other folks.

Slicing Bananas, Marine Corps Style

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Here is the post where I piss off the Marine Corps. But I promise this story is entirely true, to the best of my ability. Back in language school, when I was junior enlisted, I was Leading Seaman. It was a glorious job that mostly entailed being loud, setting a good example, and pt’ing the guys. All of which I did.

We ran out of room in the Navy barracks, so I ended up in the Marine barracks. 65 Sailors and myself for a year. It was great, I reported in to our leadership when there was a problem, which was rare, if ever. I got the older guys together and convinced them that we could handle all problems in-house. No one was to go directly to the quarterdeck with an issue without at least giving us the opportunity to solve it first.

It worked well. We had all sorts of challenges, from guys who would not clean their room, to those who were failing their language. We had harassment (mild at best) and the usual beefs you might expect to find. But we had brotherhood. I heard for years after, that the Marine barracks was the high point for a lot of guys at DLI.

I encouraged everyone to keep their doors open. And we all went on beach runs once a week in addition to our usual pt. Of course, some guys conveniently disappeared when the beach run popped. . .

Living in the Marine barracks, we got to know a lot of the Marines and we even had some of them join in on our beach runs. One of them sat at our table one day for breakfast before class. And as he struggled to tear open a banana, he said (no joke): Monkeys always make it look so easy!

We did not say anything at first. We knew we had been given a great gift that day. That a seemingly innocuous comment by a Marine private would be repeated for months.

Further good news from banana land. There is a banana slicer out on the market, from a company called Hutzler:

Hutzler Banana Slicer

My immediate reaction of flying into a tirade against useless kitchen gadgets is probably going to end with me having a heart attack in Williams-Sonoma one day.

But ridiculous crap like this Hutzler banana peeler needs to be called out.

When ripe and edible, bananas are one of the easiest foods to cut.

I wonder whether we should send the Hutzler Deluxe Banana Slicer to Marine bases?

How to Lose Your Military Career in One Easy Step

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Welcome aboard Shipmate!

I see by your shiny dress-blues that you are one burnt slider* removed from Boot Camp. Good. Let’s discuss what you should not do in the Navy. Advance warning: this example may defy common-sense. Do not try at home.

Flash forward to a month after Boot Camp and you are tired of playing the military game. You want to get away. From “A” School, at the Defense Language Institute. Somehow you have the Navy pegged as oppressive. Really, your life is good. You are told what to: wear, eat, do. And when to: show up, wake up, push up, sleep.

Casual readers, pull your children in close. This is not for the squeamish. You really wanna get off base. And taste some freedom. The problemo: you don’t have wheels. It is a couple of days before the weekend. You decide to hide. From class, from the world.

But not from the Navy. We can find you. And we do. In your girlfriend’s wall locker where you have been holed up for 3 days. Huddled inside like Gollum, like Smeagol, waiting. Good job, hope you enjoy that Captain’s Mast. We would take your cherished stripes away, but heck, you’re a Seaman Recruit. Think buck E-1. Stripes, you ain’t got any.

Let’s switch services. Some Air Force big-brains decided to take a little squadron snapshot. You know the type where you suck the gut in and puff out your war-fighter, tiger-striped chest. (Full disclosure, I’ve clenched my jaw through a couple of these, too.)

You say you want to get a little tough wit’it? Okay, what do you have in mind? Somethin’ rough, something a little street. Ahhhh, street? We are in the military, the only street we should be running is Route Irish in Baghdad (well, not anymore.) So you pull this:

“Da Dumpt, Da Dumpt………Sucks 2 Be U,” Air Force Casket Photo, 345th Training Squadron, Fort Lee, Virginia

Whoops, rookie move. This one is going to claim a couple of stripes. First of all, you are mocking our brave Men and Women who have given their all. Big mistake. Huge:

The Air Force has launched an investigation into a controversial photo that shows several non-commissioned officers posing with an open casket, in which a fellow airman poses with a noose around his neck and chains over his body.

The Air Force Times received a copy of the photo over email, which includes the caption, “Da Dumpt, Da Dumpt …. Sucks 2 Be U.” The casket is similar to those used to transport deceased U.S. soldiers home from the battlefield. . .

The photo, dated August 23rd, was reportedly taken by airmen with the 345th Training Squadron at Fort Lee, Virginia, according to Gerry Proctor, spokesman for the 37th Training Group at Lackland Air Force Base in Texas, which includes the 345th Training Squadron.

That giant sucking sound is your career, senior guy or girl. And for all you junior folks looking all tough in the picture, think about your actions. Just like that Sailor who hid in a wall-locker for a couple of days, you will be caught. If you have to be hip and edgy, get a blog. I hear it is a great way to blow off some steam. . .

Lana Del Rey of Video Games says- Be like the Mellow Jihadi and get a blog! 

* That’s right, I linked to Martha Stewart. And Lana Del Rey. In the same post. A blogospheric first. . .