Alright linguists, let’s test Google Translate. We need a joke, something basic to run through the software to see how it performs in a comms check. Apologies to comedians everywhere:

1. A guy goes into the doctor’s office.
وقال الرجل يذهب الى مكتب الطبيب.

2. And tells the doctor: Doc, I think I am a dog.
ويقول الطبيب : DOC ، أعتقد أنني كلب.

3. The doctor says: hmm, how long have you had this problem?
الطبيب يقول : هم ، كم من الوقت هل كان لديك هذه المشكلة؟

4. The guy smiled and said: every since I was a puppy!?!
ابتسم الرجل وقال : منذ أن كنت في كل جرو؟!

After Action Report:
1. Google translated “goes” as the English slang for “said” rather than the action verb “to go.”

2. We lost sentence ordering here, but if read backwards, it still translates, somewhat.

3. Very close. With the exception of translating “hmm” as they. (Which in Arabic, the sound “hmm” does mean “they.” But in English, we use it to “think.” Or are they translating it as a sound?)

4. Punchline: So I learn a new word here: جرو. Does that mean “puppy?” Perhaps. (Whoops, I switched verb tense, but Google got it right.) Sometimes I feel like a جرو around Arabic. And jokes too.

PS If you do not already read the Egyptian blogger Sandmonkey, you should. I don’t agree with him on everything, but with posts like this, all is forgiven.

Update: So the wily proprietor of Bookworm Room has commented below about running the phrase back through the translator. Excellent idea. Let’s, shall we?

1. The man goes to the doctor’s office.

2. The doctor says: DOC, I think I have a dog.

3. The doctor says they are, how long have you had this problem?

4. The man smiled and said: Since you each a puppy?!

And there it is, complete gibberish. In 2 above, the inclusion of an English word messed up the ordering. In Arabic, we (Arabic speakers) read right to left. We don’t do this in English, unless you have a lot of time on your hands and no particular desire to understand what is written.