Esquire Magazine, Inspire Magazine

As a linguist, I am aware how subtle language variations are. When I was learning Arabic, I told one of my teachers that she has a big heart. (Ainduki qelb kabir.) Except I mispronounced the word heart (qelb) and said dog (kelb) instead. It was an easy enough problem to rectify. Nothing like this:

A week-long hearing has focused on whether military and intelligence agents at the Guantanamo Bay U.S. Naval Base snooped into legal documents and attorney-client conversations that are supposed to be confidential. Defense attorneys said stringent restrictions on their communications had interfered with their attempts to prepare a defense.

The outgoing legal adviser for the Guantanamo detention operation, Navy Captain Thomas Welsh, testified that attorney-client mail was carefully screened to prevent the introduction of physical and informational contraband. He said the rules were tightened after a defense lawyer tried to send a copy of Inspire magazine to one of the defendants.

“I’m told that the translation is wrong,” interrupted defense attorney Cheryl Bormann, who was not the source of the intercepted magazine.

She said the interpreter translating Welsh’s testimony for the defendants had identified the contraband publication to them as Esquire. That magazine describes its focus as “beautiful women, men’s fashion, best music, drink recipes.”

Inspire magazine bills itself as the publication of Yemeni-based group al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula and famously published an article titled, “Make a bomb in the kitchen of your mom.” The United States considers it a propaganda and recruitment vehicle for the group, and killed its editor in a drone strike in Yemen last year.

After the interpreter apologized, an attorney for Pakistani defendant Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the alleged mastermind of the September 11 attacks, suggested that Inspire might contain relevant information.

Esquire, Inspire. Apples, oranges. . . 

Squirmy Jihadis

You usually hear the term merger describing a business deal, but this article writes of a merge in relation to Al Qaeda branches. (Titled: Al-Qaida leader scraps Syria, Iraq branch merger.) I must say, I enjoy watching the jihadis squirm. The details:

In April, al-Qaida in Iraq said it had joined forces with the Nusra Front, forming a new alliance called the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant.

Hours after the announcement, Nusra Front leader Abu Mohammad al-Golani appeared to distance himself from the merger, saying he was not consulted. Instead, he pledged allegiance to al-Zawahiri.

In Sunday’s letter, al-Zawahri chastises the head of al-Qaida in Iraq, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, saying he announced the merger without consulting al-Qaida’s leadership. He also admonished al-Golani for publicly distancing himself from the merger.

“The Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant will be abolished,” al-Zawahri said, adding that Nusra Front will remain an independent branch of al-Qaida. Al-Baghdadi and al-Golani are to stay on as leaders of their respective branches for another year, after which the al-Qaida leadership will decide whether they will keep their posts or be replaced.

Squirm baby, squirm. . .

Training with the Turkistan Islamic Party

Ever wonder why there is collateral damage when we bomb terrorist training camps? Take a peek at this Al Qaeda cell in north Waziristan, near the Pakistan-Afghanistan border. Children are training right alongside the adults, courtesy of the Turkistan Islamic Party. Note to all Afghanis and Pakistanis: shut your yapper with the collateral damage drivel. If they are holding a gun, they are lawful combatants. Sad, tragically so. But the truth. . .

Manscaping and Your Local Jihadi

When it comes to manscaping (A fine artform exclusive to men; the continued upkeep of exceptional hygeine and strategic hair removal as they pertain to the male body), you can tell which of these below clowns took care of their uni-brow and which one went au naturel:

Zahid Iqbal (L-R), Syed Farhan Hussain, Mohammed Sharfaraz Ahmed and Umar Arshad are seen in this combination photograph of undated photographs released by the Metropolitan Police Service in London April 18, 2013. Four Britons were jailed on Thursday for plotting al Qaeda inspired bombings across the country, including an attack on an army base using a remote-controlled toy car packed with explosives which they planned to drive under the gates.

Zahid Iqbal (L-R), Syed Farhan Hussain, Mohammed Sharfaraz Ahmed and Umar Arshad are seen in this combination photograph of undated photographs released by the Metropolitan Police Service in London April 18, 2013. Four Britons were jailed on Thursday for plotting al Qaeda inspired bombings across the country, including an attack on an army base using a remote-controlled toy car packed with explosives which they planned to drive under the gates.

The Democracy of the Marine Corps

Here is a lesson in creative writing.

First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.

And I realize some of you may be having trouble deciding whether I am kidding or not. So from now on I will tell you when I’m kidding.

For instance, join the National Guard or the Marines and teach democracy. I’m kidding.

We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you have them. That always seems to scare them away. I’m kidding.

 –Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country*

* Kurt V’s book was written in 2007. Look at how naively surperior his other quotes are. Comparing us to Nazis? I suppose that was acceptable in those dark days.

Operation Rhino

The FBI is particularly adept at trapping militant, home-grown terrorists. And their ongoing Operation Rhino has helped highlight the problem of Somalis leaving the country to go fight for al Qaeda-affiliated Al-Shabaab in Somalia. Director of National Intelligence James Clapper described the enemy as: foreign fighter cadre that includes U.S. passport holders… [who] may have aspirations to attack inside the United States.

Qaeda Leader Reported Dead in Yemen Attack?

Anwar al-Awlaki, Do as I say

I love the New York Times. No, I have not gone crazy; they have taken to calling Al Qaeda by only the last part of its name, Qaeda. Technically, Al Qaeda means the base. And it is a subtle piss-off to the base jihadis to mangle their organization. (It’s got this cool California thing going on. Dude, Qaeda just dropped by. . .)

Every effort should be made to poke fun at them, at their lack of moral cohesiveness. Jihadis refer to the West as immoral, but one of their spiritual and military guides, Anwar al-Awlaki, was arrested in beautiful Sandy Eggo for soliciting prostitutes. More than once. And the list goes on and on. . .

Al Qaeda Farts

Al Qaeda is encouraging its clowns to look into a ember bomb that would light our forests on fire. No surprises in the Inspire article, other than the obvious. But I love these comments:

Al-Qaeda – enemy of squirrels and spotted owls everywhere.

In Recent News: Al-Qaida discovers fire

well, it IS a step up from their original idea of lighting a fart in a forest

Ah, you gotta love America. . .

Sentencing Terrorists

My heart sank when I saw this headline in the LA Times.

LAX bomb plotter’s sentence in 2005 overturned

Remember, these are California courts we are talking about. Still, as I read the article, I got increasingly happier:

A 22-year sentence was unreasonably lenient for Al Qaeda-trained terrorist Ahmed Ressam, who drove a trunk full of powerful explosives into the United States from Canada with the intent of bombing Los Angeles International Airport, a federal appeals court ruled Monday.

The 7-4 ruling by the full U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals sent the case back to a Seattle federal judge for resentencing with the recommendation that the Algerian-born prisoner be given a term more in line with federal sentencing guidelines that call for 65 years to life for the offenses for which Ressam was convicted.

9th Circuit Court of Appeals? You’all are getting soft. I mean tough. Good job!

An American Teenager Versus Al Qaeda

Kevin Eric Lunsmann Escaped Al Qaeda

Okay, got one for you. Grab some popcorn or some of those cardboardy rice-cakes and settle in.

Kevin Eric Lunsmann is a teenager from Campbell County in Virginia. And he pulled off the escape of the century when he slipped away from his Al Qaeda-linked captors in the southern Philippines.

The Abu Sayyaf gang, which literally translates as Father of the Sword in Arabic, had held Kevin for five months in their jungle lair. But no longer.

Shoeless, Kevin ran to his freedom when he told the single-IQ-digited thugs he was going to bathe in a nearby stream.

He hid for two days before being found by local villagers:

A 14-year-old American boy who was abducted with his mother and cousin by suspected Muslim militants in the southern Philippines was yesterday released after five months of jungle captivity, the Philippine military said.

After walking for two days without shoes, Kevin Lunsmann was recovered by a village official in Lamitan town on southern Basilan Island.

It is a stronghold of the Al-Qaeda-linked Abu Sayyaf rebels, who are believed to be behind the kidnapping, said military spokesman Lt. Col. Randolph Cabangbang.

Kevin Eric Lunsmann’s shirt, Campbell County Virginia kid

Get a load of his shirt, 9-11-11! Hmmm, I am not sure what is on the other side. Some tribal design?

How soon until discussions are underway for a movie? Justin Bieber could pull it off, no? Truly Kevin looks somewhat like Phil Harris’ youngest son Jake, from the Deadliest Catch. That show on Alaskan crabbing.

Jake Harris, Deadliest Catch

Jake’s a bum. After battling serious drug addiction, Jake dealt with his father’s early death by doing more of the same.

Then, he and his more responsible brother Josh, played musical chairs on the Cornelia Marie, trying to find a Captain that would not hold Jake accountable for his behavior.

As for the Abu Sayyaf clowns, no doubt they will be searching for more hostages to kidnap:

Its stated goal has been the establishment of an Islamic state in the southern Philippines, home to minority Muslims in the predominantly Christian nation.

The Abu Sayyaf was founded on Basilan in the 1990s as an offshoot of a violent Muslim insurgency that has been raging for decades.

Hundreds of U.S. troops have been stationed in the southern Philippines, including Basilan, to train and equip Philippine forces but are prohibited from engaging in local combat.

On Monday, suspected militants abducted Australian Warren Richard Rodwell, 53, from his seaside house in Zamboanga Sibugay province, near Basilan, but it was not immediately confirmed if they also belonged to the Abu Sayyaf.

The militants are also holding an Indian, a Malaysian and a Japanese.

Good job Kevin. Welcome back, brother. Get yourself a Whataburger, a Five Guys, anything burger will do. And relax. Your school’s going on break soon and I doubt anyone is concerned about your missed classwork.

Where Do We Fight Next?

Warriors, you gotta love them. The current Commandant of the Marine Corps (and naval aviator, per Wikipedia) was in Afghanistan today. The scoop:

General James F. Amos, Commandant of the Marine Corps, Naval Aviator

The U.S. Marines’ top general, James Amos, sprinted up and down the Helmand River Valley in southern Afghanistan on Thursday, visiting frontline Marines at nine remote outposts to share Thanksgiving and applaud their gains against the Taliban in a region where al-Qaida hatched the 9/11 plot a decade ago.

Traveling mostly in an MV-22 Osprey, the hybrid that flies like an airplane and takes off and lands like a helicopter, Amos began shortly after daylight and finished 14 hours later — and, improbably, managed to confront just one turkey dinner.

I love it. Leadership, it is not only a word. My favorite part: 

At Combat Outpost Hanson, one member of the 3rd battalion, 6th Marine Regiment asked, “Who do you want us to fight next, sir?” Amos said he did not know, but he reassured the Marine that there would be no shortage of security crises in the years ahead.

At Combat Outpost Alcatraz, in Sangin district where fierce fights against the Taliban have waned only recently, the top overall commander of the war, Marine Gen. John Allen, joined Amos for a pep talk to several dozen Marines.

A special Happy Thanksgiving to all our Service Members deployed around the world. Get some and then get some turkey. . .

Is It Possible

That a bayonet can double as a flash drive?

That one of the top blogs in Mexico is antinarc?

That Miss Iceland turned in one of the FBI’s Most Wanted after befriending a cat?

That Amish men are now running in gangs?

That the Arab Fall is really the Arab fail?

That you want to attend the Wall Street protests?

That a naval officer is being cut from the New England Patriots for deploying?

That UK’s top religious figure, a man with obvious political leanings, now decries politics?

That Seve Jobs’ real father was a Syrian Muslim man named Abdulfattah John Jandali?

That movies are now being filmed with iPhones?

That Al Qaeda is questioning the legality of us killing terrorists?

That there is another kind of protest happening, one about guitars?

That a well-known blogger can write a taut thriller about Iran, the country of his birth?

That a SEAL is peddling weapons from Iraq and Afghanistan?

That Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids?

Boom Shaka Awlaki Boom!

Fellow Mellows,

Please unbow your heads and do not observe a moment of silence. Rather, raise your fangs to the sky, in a wolf howl, and celebrate with a full-throated growling of Boom Shaka Awlaki Boom!

It is with a great lack of sadness that I announce the passing of Anwar al-Awlaki, pictured in funky turbaned glory below:

al-Awlaki in happier days (لا الله الا الله والعولقي في الجحيم) Boom Shaka Awlaki Boom!

Why should I be revel so victoriously over this and not over any of the other weekly Predator attacks? Simple: Awlaki was dangerous due to both his fluent command of English and his media sav-va-try. He has even been described as the: “bin Laden of the Internet.”

Predator drone kills al-awalki the jihadi

Was he not an American? Are we not treading in dangerous legal waters by targeting one of our own, a countryman?

No problem. This situation could have been remedied by immediately revoking his citizenship once he was found to be in contempt of the country and in support of sedition. Certainly as an adult, he was an American in name only. . .

Senor Awlaki lived in San Diego during the 90s. I have driven past his mosque, across the 8 from Lake Murray (in La Mesa), many times:

 Two of the 9/11 hijackers (Nawaf Al-Hazmi and Khalid Almihdhar) regularly attended the mosque in 2000, and Al-Awlaki had many closed-door meetings with them, which led investigators to believe Al-Awlaki knew about the 9/11 attacks in advance.

Anwar al-Awlaki and the Happy Hooker

He even got arrested twice for soliciting hookers (not anglers, but the presumably female type.)

From his MySpace pageAlthough he hesitated to shake hands with women, Al-Awlaki patronized prostitutes. He was arrested in San Diego in August 1996 and in April 1997 for soliciting prostitutes. 

In the first instance, he pled guilty to a lesser charge on condition of entering an AIDS education program, and paying $400 in fines and restitution. The second time, he pled guilty to soliciting a prostitute, and was sentenced to three years’ probation, fined $240, and ordered to perform 12 days of community service.

Argyle JSOC Operator

Samir Khan (one of the publishers of the Al Qaida rag Inspire and author of the article: “Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom) and a senior bomb-maker, Ibrahim al-Asiri, were also killed in the blast.

Fox News reported that“According to a senior U.S. official, the operation was carried out by Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC), under the direction of the CIA.”

Ed Westwick, Gossip Girl, secret JSOC Operator

Who, ask you, are these steely-eyed JSOC’ers?

Operators from the JSOC community wear special feet-coverings, and rely on highly charged music, which they play prior to a mission. Here is one such recording, and another.

Furthermore, JSOC’ers are a group of warriors with a deep affinity for argyle, hence their festive socks. This revelation may be classified, but in the interest of avoiding blue-on-blue fratricide (friendly fire), I feel compelled to illustrate JSOC operators in their feral warriorness. To prevent you from accidentally targeting them on your Saturday afternoon straffing runs at your local supermarket.

Boo hoo AQAP: Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula

More from Fox: AQAP (Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula) has lost its ideological leader, which is a huge blow, a former intelligence official who has tracked al-Awlaki for years.

Since I am still active-duty and should not, probably not ever, consider thinking about, saying aloud, or actually criticizing Flag Officers; let me say that this General deserves a Nobel Prize for his noble thinking about the Fort Hood shooter (Major Hasan) who was inspired by al-Alwaki:

Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey said it’s important for the country not to get caught up in speculation about Hasan’s Muslim faith, and he has instructed his commanders to be on the lookout for anti-Muslim reaction to the killings at the Texas post.

Diversity at the Pentagon

He says focusing on the Islamic roots of the suspected shooter could “heighten the backlash” against all Muslims in the military.

Casey says diversity in the military “gives us strength.”

Cough, really? Cough, chortle, spit. Yes, sir. (Diversity gives us the appearance of variety, unity gives us strength.)