Okay, got one for you. Grab some popcorn or some of those cardboardy rice-cakes and settle in.
Kevin Eric Lunsmann is a teenager from Campbell County in Virginia. And he pulled off the escape of the century when he slipped away from his Al Qaeda-linked captors in the southern Philippines.
The Abu Sayyaf gang, which literally translates as Father of the Sword in Arabic, had held Kevin for five months in their jungle lair. But no longer.
Shoeless, Kevin ran to his freedom when he told the single-IQ-digited thugs he was going to bathe in a nearby stream.
He hid for two days before being found by local villagers:
A 14-year-old American boy who was abducted with his mother and cousin by suspected Muslim militants in the southern Philippines was yesterday released after five months of jungle captivity, the Philippine military said.
After walking for two days without shoes, Kevin Lunsmann was recovered by a village official in Lamitan town on southern Basilan Island.
It is a stronghold of the Al-Qaeda-linked Abu Sayyaf rebels, who are believed to be behind the kidnapping, said military spokesman Lt. Col. Randolph Cabangbang.
Get a load of his shirt, 9-11-11! Hmmm, I am not sure what is on the other side. Some tribal design?
How soon until discussions are underway for a movie? Justin Bieber could pull it off, no? Truly Kevin looks somewhat like Phil Harris’ youngest son Jake, from the Deadliest Catch. That show on Alaskan crabbing.
Jake’s a bum. After battling serious drug addiction, Jake dealt with his father’s early death by doing more of the same.
Then, he and his more responsible brother Josh, played musical chairs on the Cornelia Marie, trying to find a Captain that would not hold Jake accountable for his behavior.
As for the Abu Sayyaf clowns, no doubt they will be searching for more hostages to kidnap:
Its stated goal has been the establishment of an Islamic state in the southern Philippines, home to minority Muslims in the predominantly Christian nation.
The Abu Sayyaf was founded on Basilan in the 1990s as an offshoot of a violent Muslim insurgency that has been raging for decades.
Hundreds of U.S. troops have been stationed in the southern Philippines, including Basilan, to train and equip Philippine forces but are prohibited from engaging in local combat.
On Monday, suspected militants abducted Australian Warren Richard Rodwell, 53, from his seaside house in Zamboanga Sibugay province, near Basilan, but it was not immediately confirmed if they also belonged to the Abu Sayyaf.
The militants are also holding an Indian, a Malaysian and a Japanese.
Good job Kevin. Welcome back, brother. Get yourself a Whataburger, a Five Guys, anything burger will do. And relax. Your school’s going on break soon and I doubt anyone is concerned about your missed classwork.