Chinese Boxer Rebel’s storming the walls

The Nipper alarm went off at ‘O-crack-sparrow-fart’ this morning, which is very early indeed. In fact as early morning alarms go it is classed as earlier than ‘O-daft-O-clock,’ the latter of which beats nature’s dawn chorus by a full 30 minutes. As it was Nipper that stirred and growled (& not Joss and Hannah) I put it down to his inexperience in life and all things country-wise, after all he is still a ‘young-un’ experiencing is his first British Summer Time. Had it been a growl from the old and bold fearless Joss, followed up by Hannah’s wailing and gnashing of teeth, I may well have mustered the enthusiasm to crawl out from the depths of my bed and taken a look-see. Royal Marine Light Infantry-Circa 1901-PekingA05921Having turned over I went back to fighting the hordes of Chinese boxer rebels as they stormed the walls of the British delegation; the blame of which I put down to eating cheddar cheese toasties while watching the movie ’55 Days at Peking’ the evening before!

BoxersDrawingByKoekkoek1900

Just as I parried a blow away from the boxer rebel’s bladed pole-arm, I shifted my body weight forward ready to ‘run me bayonet’ through the side of his chest. The low growling Nipper alarm sounded for the second time, which dragged my floating grey matter away from Peking’s bloody carnage back into the real world. Still no back up from the wiser canines as I lay motionless listening for the slightest noise (wondering about the boxer rebel who had almost been dispatched to meet his mystical spirit), according to my bedside time piece it was now ‘O-daft-O-clock.’ 

Nipper had succeeded in his attempt to bugger up my morning as I was wide awake and required a strong cuppa-char; it was time to put the kettle on and scan the outside area for the cause of his concern. First stop being the upstairs office for my ‘grab and run’ clothes that are positioned there to stop me charging around the building naked (in case of fire-or intruder.) The ‘young-un’ followed me cautiously as I entered the room, he was again growling lightly and walked toward the huge window in slow motion, cocking his head from side to side frowning as he did so. His manner put me on edge, that also pushed me to quickly jump into my rig of the day, boots and all. Only then did I gently tweak the blinds a tiny crack to peek outside to observe the cause of his agitation.  Click to enlargeFrench Partridge There before me in the field stood atop the tree logs were a pair of ‘alectoris rufa,’ or ‘deux perdrix français’ or even ‘two red legged french partridge!’ Nipper must have been blessed with a submariner’s acoustic hearing at birth, because Joss and Hannah were still pushing out zzzZZZ’s, whilst the cheeky french couple had been helping themselves to the wild bird seed in the garden (at the same time depriving an Englishman of his sleep.) I took the photograph and then spooked them both into flight-much to the annoyance of Nipper whose tail was wagging for England. His wish was to get out and play on the logs with his new-found gaily coloured Gaelic feathered friends. My wish was for a pot of tea and a bacon sandwich, and a manufacturer who makes ear defenders for young canines… Harrumph!            Yours Aye.

Snivelling wretched excuse for a man

article-0-1CA8994800000578-175_306x423CNN’s Piers Morgan takes final parting shot at NRA and ‘cowardly’ politicians on final show; I am so pro-American I want more of you to stay alive.’

Piers Morgan, CNN’s departing talk show host, could not miss one last opportunity to take a swipe at U.S. gun laws Friday before signing off after three years on air. Morgan devoted the final minutes of Piers Morgan Live to the issue that he said has been a consistent and often controversial part of the programme. The British-born presenter cited gun violence statistics and expressed dismay that mass shootings including those in Newtown, Connecticut, and Aurora, Colorado, haven’t led to stricter gun control laws. 

Morgan delivered his impassioned 3-minute address after devoting most of the programme Friday to the coverage of the search for the missing Malaysian plane. ‘After three years, two months, 11 days and over 1,000 shows, I am departing to spend more time with my cricket bat,’ quipped the 48-year-old English expat. Morgan spent a few moments thanking his staff and his viewers – ‘even those who implacably disagreed with me, or just found my funny accent annoying’ – before launching into a tirade against America’s gun violence epidemic. Piers Morgan Says Goodbye with a gun control ‘caveat’piers morgan the bore  CNN’s ousted presenter insisted that guns belong on a battlefield in the hands of professional soldiers ‘fighting for democracy and freedom’ – not in the hands of civilians. Morgan cited hair-raising figures of gun violence, which claims on average 35 lives every day, in addition to another 50 who kill themselves with firearms. ‘I assumed that after 70 people were shot in a movie theatre, and then, just a few months later, 20 first-graders were murdered with an assault rifle in an elementary school, the absurd gun laws in this country would change,’ he said. ‘But nothing has happened.’ In his parting shot at the National Gun Association, Morgan accused the powerful gun lobby of bullying U.S. lawmakers into ‘cowardly’ silence. 2011 FBI Crime Statistics-fails to mention the crimes are attributable to the Socialist Labour Governments open border immigration policy!piers-morgan-us-uk-gun-effects

‘My point is simple: more guns doesn’t mean less crime as the NRA repeatedly says,’ Morgan continued. ‘It means more gun violence, death and profits for the gun manufacturers. ‘And to those who claim my gun control campaigning has been “anti-American”, the reverse is true. I am so pro-American that I want more of you to stay alive.’ images

Quoting Winston Churchill, Morgan said that he has given the issue of gun control ‘a tremendous whack,’ even as his many detractors called him out for being too loud and rude when debating the subject. Morgan concluded his final show by urging Americans to stand together and cry ‘enough!’ CNN announced last month that it was pulling the plug on Piers Morgan Live after three years due to lacklustre ratings.images

America please forgive this British champagne guzzling socialist for his sins (because we don’t want him back over here in the United Kingdom.) However; if he is to come back then pray Gawd it is to appear in court on phone hacking charges, followed by a spell in prison. A long spell in prison to keep him off our screens…            Yours Aye.

Evidence Mounts Against Piers Morgan in Phone Hacking … – Breitbart

 British police question CNN’s Piers Morgan over phone-hacking … Reuters

BBC News – Piers Morgan questioned over phone hacking…

No hugging please, we’re British.

Perhaps it was the fault of the children’s early learning program ‘Teletubbies.’ In most episodes of the 1990s children’s TV show, the narrator would give a mawkish ‘Ah!’ and tell everyone to hug Tinky Winky or Laa-Laa or some other character who had suffered a minor setback such as a milk spillage or muddying a knee. Up went the cry: ‘Big hug,’ and the assembled company would huddle for a communal embrace.Soccer players hugging

Now hugging appears to be everywhere. We British might once have kept our distance, but that national tendency to show restraint has ‘almost’ gone. Hugging has taken over. It has become an epidemic. A plague. At professional sports grounds, political rallies, corporate bonding weekends — even in church services — hugging  holds sway.images 

An England rugby player scores a try against lowly Italy? Once he would have trotted back to his own half with maybe the occasional pat on the back and remark of: ‘Well done, Perkins.’

article-2585820-1C7398DF00000578-188_634x620A Ryder Cup golfer sinks a putt? Up comes the caddy and they’re soon groping like the couple from Last Tango In Paris. Politics is just as bad. At party conferences a nervous activist makes her debut speech. It is not particularly good but she completes it, just. Down the stage gallops the party leader, clapping like a sea lion, arms held wide like a giant crab. Whoompf. The activist is engulfed whole, like a cocktail sausage canape. Why do politicians do it? Look at me, the hug says. I am human. I emote! No hugging, I’m British!President_Harry_Truman_and_Winston_Churchill_shake_hands_on_the_steps_of_Truman's_residence_during_the_Potsdam_conference,_16_July_1945._BU8944It has to be said that I am not a hugger, nor do I return a high five, or a fist bump, and never would I ever, offer – or return – a continental kiss on both cheeks… Just a bloody good hand shake so we know where we stand. After all, I am English first and foremost, and British there after… You can shake on it!            Yours Aye.

Natural advertising, naturally!

Natural-not!The Pretenders – Nothing “Natural” About Them The Natural Effect, naturally?

barrymanilowplasticsurgeryAbout as natural as Barry Manilow… or the transexual Amanda Lepore Amanda-LeporeA tongue in cheek look at the advertising agency that does hold a serious message. It’s high time some one took the advertising agencies to task, and made them accountable for their sins.      Yours Aye.

Van Damme ‘versus’ Chuck Norris

Van Damme Volvo TrucksWatch Jean-Claude Van Damme carry out his famous split between two reversing trucks. (Never done before). This live test was set up to demonstrate the precision and directional stability of Volvo Dynamic Steering — a world first technology that makes the new Volvo FM easier to drive. Filmed in Spain on a closed-off landing field at sunrise in one take.
Directed by Andreas Nilsson

Chuck Norris Air ForceWatch Chuck Norris carry out ‘his’ famous split, assisted by the US Air Force and ‘others!’ (Never done before). This was set up just for the hell of it because Chuck wanted to… Jean Claude Van Damme VS Chuck Norris. Soundtrack by Enya: Only Time 

Van Damme is from ‘Belgium’, which is part of ‘Europe.’ Of which, Great Britain is separated from, by the English Channel!

Chuck Norris is ex United Sates Air Force, a devout Christian, and a staunch Republican. He supports gun rights and ownership, and is against public schools celebrating the Day of Silence. As a philanthropist, he is known for his contribution towards organizations such as Funds for Kids, Veteran’s Administration National Salute to Hospitalized Veterans, the United Way, and the Make-A-Wish Foundation in the form of donations as well as fund-raising activities. His time with the U.S. Veterans Administration as a spokesperson, was inspired by his experience serving the United States Air Force in Korea. His objective has been to popularize the issues such as Pensions and Health care, that concern hospitalized war veterans. Due to his significant contributions, and continued patriotism, he received the Veteran of the Year award in 2001 at the American Veteran Awards.

Norris also established the United Fighting Arts Federation and KickStart in 1990. As a significant part of his philanthropic contributions, the organization was formed to develop self-esteem and focus in at-risk children as a tactic to keep them away from drug-related pressure by training them in martial arts. Norris hopes that by shifting middle school and high school children’s focus towards this positive and strengthening endeavour, these children will have the opportunity to build a better future for themselves. In 2005, Norris founded the World Combat League (WCL), a full-contact, team-based martial arts competition, of which part of the proceeds are given to his KickStart program.

Additionally, Norris supports the Vijay Amritraj Foundation, which aims at bringing hope, help and healing to the defenceless and innocent victims of disease, tragedy and circumstance in India. Through his donations, he has helped the foundation support Pediatric HIV/AIDS homes in Delhi, a blind school in Karnataka, and a mission that cares for HIV/AIDS infected adults, as well as mentally ill patients in Cochin.

On March 28, 2007, Commandant Gen. James T. Conway made Norris an ‘Honorary United States Marine’ during a dinner at the commandant’s residence in Washington, D.C. On December 2, 2010, he (along with brother Aaron) was given the title ‘Honorary Texas Ranger’ by Texas Governor Rick Perry.

Chuck Norris is American, and the people he assists throughout life wanted to add his face to Mount Rushmore, but unfortunately the granite is not hard enough for his beard. ;-)

Yours Aye.

Roman Atwood double edged prank

article-2510949-198CE1B100000578-5_636x382YouTube prankster’s ‘I cheated’ gag turns sour when girlfriend admits she’s been unfaithful too… A prank or a practical joke can be a doubled edged weapon. A rubber snake on a piece of fishing line is one of the best tools in the dirty tricks drawer, especially when jungle training novice Marine’s.. Though it can be used for any occasion. Rubber Snake Prank on the Golf Course     Yours Aye.

Once were warrior Vikings

images-1images-2The Norwegian army has announced it will feed soldiers a vegetarian diet once a week in an effort to cut down on ecologically unfriendly foods. ’Meatless Mondays’ have been introduced at one of the country’s main bases and will soon be rolled out to all units in a boycott of food whose production contributes heavily to global warming. With livestock farming accounting for almost 20 per cent of greenhouse gas emissions worldwide, the army’s proposal has been welcomed by environmental groups. Norwegian army turns vegetarian; going to war against climate change by cutting ‘ecologically unfriendly’ foods  bska00328hc  Norwegian army admits losing 1,200 rifles. Every 10 days, an assault rifle goes missing from the tally of assault rifles in the Norwegian Armed Forces, and some end up in the hands of criminals, a military spokesman has admitted. The battlefield assault rifle AG3, a Norwegian copy of the Heckler & Kock G3, was the weapon used to kill a policeman in an infamous 2004 heist on an armoured car company that shocked a nation for its ruthlessness. The army now admits 1,265 such rifles have vanished. “One weapon gone missing is one too many,” armed forces spokesman Capt. Eivind Byre told broadcaster NRK. Norwegian army admits losing 1,200 rifles

imagesNorway’s male soldiers allowed ponytails. The new rules follow complaints from a male officer that while female soldiers were allowed to keep their hair in a loose braid or ponytail, man with longer hair had to gather it into a knot or hair net.  Jan Eirik Finseth, the defence chief of staff, confirmed to Dagbladet that “the disputed wording has been changed to a gender-neutral form in the upcoming revision of the regulations.” Vegard Utne, from the department of defence’s culture and tradition department, said he did not expect significant changes as a result of the revision. “I do not think it was hair that stopped people from wanting to enter the military before, but I can well understand why someone would want to keep the ponytail when they are here.” he told the newspaper. Norway’s male soldiers allowed ponytails…viking_warriors

Viking warriors were once highly feared across Europe because of their brutal attacks and unorthodox weapon of choice, the battle axe. Well known for their close quarter fighting style and their heavy hitting warriors the ‘berserkers,’ viking shock troops who used their double edged battle axe whilst high on herbal type drugs such as anmirifta to enhance their mood for battle.stamfordbridge2 

So what happened all these years later, where did it all go so horribly wrong? Meat free Mondays, and losing weapons not even connected to a battle…images And now the military boys want equal rights with the girls, and grow pony tails? I doubt the Norse God, Heimdallr will be blowing the mythical Gjallerhorn to warn of the Viking Apocalypse ever again, as it looks like he was the last of the Viking warriors? It’s enough to make a Viking actor want to tear his good eye out.      Yours ‘Eye’

A 24 hour living nightmare

article-2509608-197B6A1400000578-889_964x629There’s a place for everything inside the Walsh family’s six-bedroom home, and everything is in its place. If only there was space for anything else. For wherever there is a nook or cranny, it is occupied by an ornament. There’s enough blue delft china to start a pottery shop and not one wall remains unadorned. Save for a few square inches of kitchen work-top (not counting the toilet lid and cistern) barely a single flat surface is visible.article-2509608-197B6A1C00000578-329_964x658 Minimalist is a word unlikely to have been used much in this house. Even the modest size bathroom boasts a chandelier. Nor is there any escape in the garden, awash with ornaments, statues and ironwork. Naturally, it is all a question of personal taste. Alas, in the 13 months the immaculately kept house has been on the market, it hasn’t been to anyone else’s. It is, as estate agents tend to say, still waiting for the right buyer. article-2509608-197B6A2C00000578-832_964x660And there’s more, so much more to look at… (a dose of mind bleach may be required)!$T2eC16FHJGQFFh+8K+)mBRqiKQNE,w~~60_35

To quote Einstein; “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign”? Albert mate, if your question was applied to this cluttered abode, the answer you  would receive is a ‘property sold sign’!
Obamas-Clean-Desk

 

However, under normal circumstances, your question and theory has a ring of truth about it…    

Yours Aye.

Three wheeled common sense, d’oh!

With good intention, this mornings ‘negative canine’ early morning walk started later than expected, which benefitted a young couple who happened to be in mild distress as I walked by them. Allow me to explain… Part of my woodland walk takes me past a small secluded country car park (15 cars max) that is used in Summer by those knowing the area, The ground is hardened earth, along with the track leading to it. In the Winter months or over a wet weather period, only the hardiest of fools would ever use it for fear of becoming bogged in; 4×4′s excluded.N Yorkshire woodland walk The young lad approached and politely asked if I had a signal on my phone; there was no need for me to check as I knew the polite answer without looking “No, not around here mate!” His girlfriend then got out of the car looking quite miserable and cold as I appraised the situation… Their problem wasn’t the fact that their engine wouldn’t start, it was the fact that ‘persons unknown’ had drove to the spot to purposely steal the alloy wheels off what ever vehicles they could find (scum, pure & total utter scum). Fortunately they had only managed to steal one rear wheel, before the couple returned from their walk, possibly disturbing the ‘ill-disposed’ in the act.

images-1 “So why are you still here if your engine is OK, don’t you have a spare wheel” I asked curiously? The lad explained that who ever stole the wheel, also took the four-wheel nuts too, which received my reply of “So why are you still here, do you not have a wheel brace in the boot of your car”? He looked at me intently, not yet grasping the fact that he had the answer in front of him. I had to explain that he could remove one nut from each wheel to secure the spare wheel, the ‘Homer Simpson’ face-palm moment struck him … As he toiled in replacing the wheel, I advised him to drive at a moderate speed to a local motor parts store to purchase four decent locking nuts (that should have been fitted in the first place)?

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Common sense appears to be in short supply when it comes to the youth of today, if only it could be bottled? The couple could have parked in the sunlit part of the parking area on their arrival, instead of the more secluded part, allowing nature to heat the vehicle. Not only that, because they set out with little fuel they couldn’t use the engine to heat the car upon their return, and they didn’t carry warm blankets or sleeping bags in the boot, nor a flask of hot beverage or any tucker. More than a valuable lesson learnt the hard way, which would prove an expensive one to boot. The alloy wheel alone was worth £250- without the ‘go-faster’ low profile ‘boy racer’ tyre costing £200-! Mind you, the look on the young girls face was priceless, when she realised the solution to their cold  predicament had been staring them in the face for over an hour.

Not the first time that such an incident has happened; sadly, I guarantee it will not be the last either,                        Yours Aye.

Winter ‘Elf’ & Safety madness…

article-0-196CD17F00000578-79_634x420The world-famous Swedish Ice Hotel has been forced to install a fire alarm.article-2507716-196CD18700000578-905_634x643 The hotel, which is rebuilt every year, was refused planning permission lest they install one on the premises. However, this soon proved not to be an outlandish request, as the alarm went off when a guest lit a cigarette in a cleaning cupboard. Sweden’s famous ice hotel, which is made entirely from frozen water, is ordered to have smoke alarms fitted  Hmmm, what shall it be… A fortnight in Sweden in Winter, or a fortnight in the Seychelles in Winter… Oh, decisions, decisions, always decisions.         Yours Aye.

Curiosity & the purrfect shopping cat

Balance… As I’ve stated before, Blogging appears to be all about balance, so to compensate for the multitude of  tales concerning my canines, please find the following piece about Graham the tom-cat. Who appears to be… well-balanced!       Yours Aye article-2480030-19144EC100000578-298_636x382How much for the lot? Graham the cat visits pet store every day… paying particular attention to the mice and fish for sale The ginger-and-white tom visits the Pets at Home store in Boston, Lincolnshire every day – even waiting outside for the doors to open at 9am. A video filmed by staff shows Graham sprawled on the ground in front of the shop’s automatic doors as he waits to be let in. Once inside, he wanders over to the till enclosure and opens the staff gate with his paw before jumping on the counter.

Sticks & stones may break my bones

But words will never hurt me...        Iran launches ‘Down with America’ awards offering £2,500 for the best photo, cartoon, or article which demonises the U.Sarticle-2477471-18FFC97000000578-344_634x286Judges: Mohammad Hossein Niroomand, Mahmood Abdolhosseini, and Maziar Bijani will choose the winners What! No women on the judges panel, that is an outrageous slight…article-2477471-18FFCAE200000578-850_634x313I do think the Iranian’s have a self depreciating sense of humour. other wise how do you explain their state of the art ‘Qaher’ F-313 Stealth Fighter. Iran’s MIlitary officials claim its advanced technology can evade radar, speed cameras, and traffic wardens!art-Jet2-620x349Test Pilot, Flt Lt. Mohammed Rama-Lama Dingdong attempting to inject humour into the occasion by asking [Ex] President Mahmoud Wheresma-Dinnerjacket  to pull his finger…f313.26-400x266

The President responded accordingly and every one laughed at the resulting sound. (Flt Lt. Mohammed Rama-Lama Dingdong’s sense of humour is renowned throughout the Iraqi Air Force).


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(Mohammed Rama-Lama Dingdong also seen here test flying the ‘Falcon” E-gg training aircraft, which has now been accepted into service). 

And one for the nautically minded amongst you. Here we see Lt Cdr. Banji Sandup Mahbum, senior submersible diving instructor, & CPO. Rhunnem All-Down, navy driving instructor, driving the all terrain ‘mersible’ on [Ex] President Mahmoud Wheresma-Dinnerjacket’s parade. Also note to the left of the picture (saluting) is General Mhasif Apertite-Bhurp, Head of the Iranian Armed Forces Catering Corps. Ira7I for one cannot wait to see the winner of the “Down With America” entry, I do hope they show the whole ceremony…      Yours Aye