One would hope they adopt the bowel of the bird, and not their cross counterpart, it’s bad enough inadvertently standing in it, without being *hit upon from a great height. Yours Aye.
YouTube prankster’s ‘I cheated’ gag turns sour when girlfriend admits she’s been unfaithful too… A prank or a practical joke can be a doubled edged weapon. A rubber snake on a piece of fishing line is one of the best tools in the dirty tricks drawer, especially when jungle training novice Marine’s.. Though it can be used for any occasion. Rubber Snake Prank on the Golf Course Yours Aye.
The Norwegian army has announced it will feed soldiers a vegetarian diet once a week in an effort to cut down on ecologically unfriendly foods. ’Meatless Mondays’ have been introduced at one of the country’s main bases and will soon be rolled out to all units in a boycott of food whose production contributes heavily to global warming. With livestock farming accounting for almost 20 per cent of greenhouse gas emissions worldwide, the army’s proposal has been welcomed by environmental groups. Norwegian army turns vegetarian; going to war against climate change by cutting ‘ecologically unfriendly’ foods Norwegian army admits losing 1,200 rifles. Every 10 days, an assault rifle goes missing from the tally of assault rifles in the Norwegian Armed Forces, and some end up in the hands of criminals, a military spokesman has admitted. The battlefield assault rifle AG3, a Norwegian copy of the Heckler & Kock G3, was the weapon used to kill a policeman in an infamous 2004 heist on an armoured car company that shocked a nation for its ruthlessness. The army now admits 1,265 such rifles have vanished. “One weapon gone missing is one too many,” armed forces spokesman Capt. Eivind Byre told broadcaster NRK. Norwegian army admits losing 1,200 rifles
Norway’s male soldiers allowed ponytails. The new rules follow complaints from a male officer that while female soldiers were allowed to keep their hair in a loose braid or ponytail, man with longer hair had to gather it into a knot or hair net. Jan Eirik Finseth, the defence chief of staff, confirmed to Dagbladet that “the disputed wording has been changed to a gender-neutral form in the upcoming revision of the regulations.” Vegard Utne, from the department of defence’s culture and tradition department, said he did not expect significant changes as a result of the revision. “I do not think it was hair that stopped people from wanting to enter the military before, but I can well understand why someone would want to keep the ponytail when they are here.” he told the newspaper. Norway’s male soldiers allowed ponytails…
Viking warriors were once highly feared across Europe because of their brutal attacks and unorthodox weapon of choice, the battle axe. Well known for their close quarter fighting style and their heavy hitting warriors the ‘berserkers,’ viking shock troops who used their double edged battle axe whilst high on herbal type drugs such as anmirifta to enhance their mood for battle.
So what happened all these years later, where did it all go so horribly wrong? Meat free Mondays, and losing weapons not even connected to a battle… And now the military boys want equal rights with the girls, and grow pony tails? I doubt the Norse God, Heimdallr will be blowing the mythical Gjallerhorn to warn of the Viking Apocalypse ever again, as it looks like he was the last of the Viking warriors? It’s enough to make a Viking actor want to tear his good eye out. Yours ‘Eye’
There’s a place for everything inside the Walsh family’s six-bedroom home, and everything is in its place. If only there was space for anything else. For wherever there is a nook or cranny, it is occupied by an ornament. There’s enough blue delft china to start a pottery shop and not one wall remains unadorned. Save for a few square inches of kitchen work-top (not counting the toilet lid and cistern) barely a single flat surface is visible. Minimalist is a word unlikely to have been used much in this house. Even the modest size bathroom boasts a chandelier. Nor is there any escape in the garden, awash with ornaments, statues and ironwork. Naturally, it is all a question of personal taste. Alas, in the 13 months the immaculately kept house has been on the market, it hasn’t been to anyone else’s. It is, as estate agents tend to say, still waiting for the right buyer. And there’s more, so much more to look at… (a dose of mind bleach may be required)!
To quote Einstein; “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign”? Albert mate, if your question was applied to this cluttered abode, the answer you would receive is a ‘property sold sign’!
However, under normal circumstances, your question and theory has a ring of truth about it…
With good intention, this mornings ‘negative canine’ early morning walk started later than expected, which benefitted a young couple who happened to be in mild distress as I walked by them. Allow me to explain… Part of my woodland walk takes me past a small secluded country car park (15 cars max) that is used in Summer by those knowing the area, The ground is hardened earth, along with the track leading to it. In the Winter months or over a wet weather period, only the hardiest of fools would ever use it for fear of becoming bogged in; 4×4′s excluded. The young lad approached and politely asked if I had a signal on my phone; there was no need for me to check as I knew the polite answer without looking “No, not around here mate!” His girlfriend then got out of the car looking quite miserable and cold as I appraised the situation… Their problem wasn’t the fact that their engine wouldn’t start, it was the fact that ‘persons unknown’ had drove to the spot to purposely steal the alloy wheels off what ever vehicles they could find (scum, pure & total utter scum). Fortunately they had only managed to steal one rear wheel, before the couple returned from their walk, possibly disturbing the ‘ill-disposed’ in the act.
“So why are you still here if your engine is OK, don’t you have a spare wheel” I asked curiously? The lad explained that who ever stole the wheel, also took the four-wheel nuts too, which received my reply of “So why are you still here, do you not have a wheel brace in the boot of your car”? He looked at me intently, not yet grasping the fact that he had the answer in front of him. I had to explain that he could remove one nut from each wheel to secure the spare wheel, the ‘Homer Simpson’ face-palm moment struck him … As he toiled in replacing the wheel, I advised him to drive at a moderate speed to a local motor parts store to purchase four decent locking nuts (that should have been fitted in the first place)?
Common sense appears to be in short supply when it comes to the youth of today, if only it could be bottled? The couple could have parked in the sunlit part of the parking area on their arrival, instead of the more secluded part, allowing nature to heat the vehicle. Not only that, because they set out with little fuel they couldn’t use the engine to heat the car upon their return, and they didn’t carry warm blankets or sleeping bags in the boot, nor a flask of hot beverage or any tucker. More than a valuable lesson learnt the hard way, which would prove an expensive one to boot. The alloy wheel alone was worth £250- without the ‘go-faster’ low profile ‘boy racer’ tyre costing £200-! Mind you, the look on the young girls face was priceless, when she realised the solution to their cold predicament had been staring them in the face for over an hour.
Not the first time that such an incident has happened; sadly, I guarantee it will not be the last either, Yours Aye.
The world-famous Swedish Ice Hotel has been forced to install a fire alarm. The hotel, which is rebuilt every year, was refused planning permission lest they install one on the premises. However, this soon proved not to be an outlandish request, as the alarm went off when a guest lit a cigarette in a cleaning cupboard. Sweden’s famous ice hotel, which is made entirely from frozen water, is ordered to have smoke alarms fitted Hmmm, what shall it be… A fortnight in Sweden in Winter, or a fortnight in the Seychelles in Winter… Oh, decisions, decisions, always decisions. Yours Aye.
Balance… As I’ve stated before, Blogging appears to be all about balance, so to compensate for the multitude of tales concerning my canines, please find the following piece about Graham the tom-cat. Who appears to be… well-balanced! Yours Aye How much for the lot? Graham the cat visits pet store every day… paying particular attention to the mice and fish for sale The ginger-and-white tom visits the Pets at Home store in Boston, Lincolnshire every day – even waiting outside for the doors to open at 9am. A video filmed by staff shows Graham sprawled on the ground in front of the shop’s automatic doors as he waits to be let in. Once inside, he wanders over to the till enclosure and opens the staff gate with his paw before jumping on the counter.
But words will never hurt me... Iran launches ‘Down with America’ awards offering £2,500 for the best photo, cartoon, or article which demonises the U.S. Judges: Mohammad Hossein Niroomand, Mahmood Abdolhosseini, and Maziar Bijani will choose the winners What! No women on the judges panel, that is an outrageous slight…I do think the Iranian’s have a self depreciating sense of humour. other wise how do you explain their state of the art ‘Qaher’ F-313 Stealth Fighter. Iran’s MIlitary officials claim its advanced technology can evade radar, speed cameras, and traffic wardens!Test Pilot, Flt Lt. Mohammed Rama-Lama Dingdong attempting to inject humour into the occasion by asking [Ex] President Mahmoud Wheresma-Dinnerjacket to pull his finger…
The President responded accordingly and every one laughed at the resulting sound. (Flt Lt. Mohammed Rama-Lama Dingdong’s sense of humour is renowned throughout the Iraqi Air Force).
And one for the nautically minded amongst you. Here we see Lt Cdr. Banji Sandup Mahbum, senior submersible diving instructor, & CPO. Rhunnem All-Down, navy driving instructor, driving the all terrain ‘mersible’ on [Ex] President Mahmoud Wheresma-Dinnerjacket’s parade. Also note to the left of the picture (saluting) is General Mhasif Apertite-Bhurp, Head of the Iranian Armed Forces Catering Corps. I for one cannot wait to see the winner of the “Down With America” entry, I do hope they show the whole ceremony… Yours Aye
Four years back my mate called and asked “What are you up to tomorrow around one-o-clock” It being 13:00 hrs on a Saturday obviously meant an invite for a few beers in a local pub, as later that afternoon Wales were playing Ireland (Six Nations Rugby Final). I could taste the first foamy mouthful of Guinness as I answered “Nothing mate where shall we meet”? The reply wasn’t what I expected… BROADWOOD Traditional Upright Piano similar to the beast mentioned
“Excellent! Drop by my place and you can help me move my Mum’s upright piano, she’s moving into a bungalow and its the last thing to be moved” I wailed and cried and stamped my feet as I reminded him about the live play rugby final. I even mentioned my English body with its Irish heart; all to no avail. Fortunately the kick off wasn’t until 17:30 hrs, time a plenty for ‘Liftit & Wreckit removals’ to do the job, and then catch up the final over a foaming pint of black liquid.
My chin hit the steering wheel when we arrived at his Mum’s house; her lovely old market town house, had four steep-steps leading to the front door with an iron railing either side of the steps. Bugger! At least his nephew was there with a Ford Luton van with a tail lift. His nephew stepped out of the van; all 5′ 4″ of him, weighing in at 100 Ibs wringing wet (my mate is 6′ 3″). “Your nephew is on your wife’s side of the family I take it” said I humorously… “Obviously”! came back the reply. Two hours later with much huffing and puffing, and several crushed and bruised fingers, we departed the bungalow and headed for the pub. Wales 15. Ireland 17. Ireland claimed their first Grand Slam since 1948. I drunk myself to oblivion that late afternoon, and woke up the next morning to find a gorilla had been in my bedroom, stole the money from my wallet, tipped over the furniture, threw my clothes every where (except one sock that I was still wearing), and peed in my mouth. What a night though! The Piano (Two Ex Bootnecks)
Which leads me on to present day, as I sit here aching from head to toe. This morning I received a call from my mate “What are you up to this afternoon, around two-o-clock”? Not much” came back my reply… “Excellent, I need a favour” said he, I laughed and replied ”As long as it’s not moving that bloody piano again”! He also laughed and said “Actually ‘it is’ moving the piano, my Mum sold the bungalow and she’s moving into a small cottage nearby”. His nephew turned up again with the same hire van, both nephew and van remain the same size, the piano crushed and bruised the same fingers going into the tight door-frame of the cottage. However; this time not one drop has passed my lips, and now I am going for a long soak in the bath. Normal service will resume later. Yours Aye
A travelling Circus has been ordered to take down posters after ONE complaint from a woman who is scared of clowns. A town council has forced the removal of posters advertising a travelling circus Leighton Buzzard Town Hall Council said it took down the adverts after one complaint, in a town of 28,000 people. An unnamed female resident told the authority the posters were scaring her whenever she drove past them, explaining that she suffers from coulrophobia! I am not mocking the poor lady, just the clown’s who run the town council of Leighton Buzzard. Though they have given John Lawson’s CIRCUS more publicity than they could have imagined, as it made the local news as well as the main stream media. From 1997 to 2010 Great Britain had its own incumbent socialist circus
running bankrupting the country.
Tony ‘champagne socialist’ B’liar, & his appointed stand in, Gordon ‘what a clown’ Brown. Rumour has it that they once belonged to a Russian marxist-socialist travelling circus, before leaving and setting up on their own here in the UK. It is further rumoured that Barack Hussein ‘the jokes on you’ Obama, and his number two, Joe ‘buy yourself a popgun’ Biden, were also part of the same circus. They also left to set up on their own!
Yesterday I was so tired that I fell asleep on a small bunk in a compartment next to the engine room. So tired that the clanking of the engine seemed to be in the far distance, I couldn’t even smell the heavy oil and heated diesel fumes that normally permeate the air, possibly because the heavy door to the compartment was closed.
The heat was almost unbearable; I was soaked to the skin, even though I had a small punkah-louvre above my head blowing a cool breeze over my body. The low audible hiss of air mixed with the rhythm of the far distant engine was enough to lull my tired bones back to sleep. A different noise brought my senses back to a dull awakening, it was the clanking of pipes, hot water pipes, expanding and gurgling with air trapped within; the same pipes that ran under the wooden frame of the bunk. Click pic to enlarge…As I lay floating semi-conscious, another sound entered my head, a strange sound I’d never heard before… ‘pitter – patter – pitter – patter – puff – puff ~ pitter –patter – pitter – patter – puff – puff ~ pitter – patter – pitter – patter – puff – puff’ It was coming from beneath the wooden bunk? I slowly eased my self onto the warm deck and knelt down next the sliding storage door, and opened it.
There was Nipper running along the hot water pipes with his little paw’s making the noise ‘pitter – patter – pittter – patter’ then he quickly stopped to lift his front paws up so he could blow cold air on each of them ‘puff – puff’ I grabbed him and pulled him out just as the heavy compartment door opened; there stood Merchant Marine Captain Tom Wilder filling the whole door frame. In an unmistakable John Wayne drawl he said “So-I-see-yer-found-yer-dawg”? I stared at him as I held Nipper, except it wasn’t Captain Wilder, it actually was John Wayne… “Yes mate, I found him under my bunk” came my reply!I woke up from my dream with a jolt, (‘yes mate, to John Wayne’)? I was sweating, really sweating, I swung my legs around off the bed and put my feet onto the floor and sat up. The sun was just breaking and I was burning up, I needed a long gulp of water so I headed off along the landing to the bathroom. I could still hear clanking and banging, then I touched a radiator as it dawned on me… the central heating had kicked in for the first time since the last day of winter, and there was air trapped within the radiators and pipes. I must have brushed past the thermostat control prior to turning in (I had, and it was set up on 30 degrees)! Half dazed and disappointed, Nipper brought me back to reality by stretching up and raking his claws down the back of my legs, it looked like we were all going out for an early leg stretch around the fields.Before anyone recommends I need to see a
trick cyclist psychiatrist, allow me to explain some thing. Prior to turning in I caught an old classic movie ‘Blood Alley’ with John Wayne & Lauren Bacall. What better way to accompany a film, except with a pot of tea, and cheese & crackers? After which, falling asleep exhausted with a clattering central heating system on full blast, stood side by side with John Wayne, fighting Chinese communists on the dangerous waters of the orient in a clapped out paddle steamer, with trusty Nipper only a whistle away.
It doesn’t get much better than that, unless I watch ‘The Quiet Man’ before I turn in tonight… with a pot of tea, and cheese & crackers…
Pope Francis pictured with rosary beads draped over his EAR after a pilgrim threw them at him in St Peter’s Square The Pope’s security riding alongside him were seemingly oblivious to the arrival of the unexpected present. Francis looked momentarily startled as he felt something hanging next to his cheek. But when he saw the beads, he chuckled before putting them in his pocket.
I guarantee that one or two people from his security detail will be getting more than a flea in their ear over the episode. Yours Aye.
Transport for London’s lost property office is made up entirely of items left behind on buses, trains and in taxis across the capital. All handed over by members of the public, and carefully categorised and stored by staff in the offices in Baker Street awaiting the return of their owners. But for many belongings sadly that never happens and the storage rooms are now home to hundreds of thousands of items – 246,241 were handed in last year alone. Umbrellas? We’ve had a few handed in, around about 12,000 or so! A long while back whilst attending a course in London, a colleague and I decided to walk around Covent Garden to grab a bite to eat. We sat outside of a cafe in the lee of a small wall to keep out of the blustery wind and small autumn shower. Just as a well attired elderly city gent walked around the corner with his umbrella up; the wind caught it and blew it inside out, then back down again. In doing so it pushed several spines through the material, his shoulders slumped as he took a seat next to us.
Wealthy Serbian bachelor Don Milisav Juan Gonzales Brzi, who claims to be 39? Is looking for a 16-20-year-old wife to share his life of luxury with him in his mansion. In the candid photos the eligible man poses in everything from silk pyjamas, to white suits and even thick furs. The images have gone viral in Serbia, Bosnia and Croatia, though it is sadly not known whether or not they proved a success.
Money can’t buy you class, and in this case, money can’t even bring a smile to your face. Bachelor Don Milisav Juan Gonzales Brzi, may well have drawn influence from his past life as a rodeo clown when he took to decorating his property? Yours Aye.
‘Telekinesis; the purported ability to move or deform inanimate objects by mental power’. Telekinetic Coffee Shop Surprise Spirit photography hoaxer Édouard Isidore Buguet (1840-1901) of France, fakes telekinesis in this 1875 cabinet card photograph titled ‘Fluidic Effect’.
I once witnessed a Telekinetic act, or at least I thought I had at the time, allow me to explain… A three month Mediterranean deployment aboard a Commando carrier. The ship pulled into Naples for a four day run-ashore. I along with several Marines hit the streets for a bit of culture, and a gallon of Italian beer with pizza (when in Rome, etc). It was getting towards dusk as we left a small side street bar; just as a young italian kid clumsily pick-pocketed my mates wallet, and took to his heels with us
stumbling running in hot pursuit.
Fortunately a few Marines from the same company were coming up the hill in our direction, one of which was Big George, who raised the flat palm of his hand at the runner shouting a telekinetic command of <<STOP>>! The italian kid stopped dead in his tracks, in fact he stopped so quick his arms and legs flew up in the air as his body hit the ground, punched backwards by the almighty force released from Big George’s open palm. A side street in Naples, similar to the one described —>
I for one was glad the chase was over as the hill was quite steep. Running down it accompanied by several others, added to the mix of alcohol and gravity, could have resulted in a snotty ‘Keystone-Kop’ heap at the bottom.
We were amazed at the hidden force displayed by Big George, who was at least 20 feet away from the now poleaxed youth. That is, until we got a little closer, and saw the protruding scaffolding pipe that the pick pocket had run into! Big George shouted for him to stop as a warning (he had walked into the pipe earlier)! George had no idea we were chasing after a thief, the Telekinetic act witnessed by all was a fraud. We had witnessed the paradox of a moving force hitting an immovable object, the result being the same. With the wallet returned intact, the youth was left to his own devices, his Italian pride hurt far more than the self imposed crack he received from the scaffolding pipe. Yours Aye.
If you thought things couldn’t get any worse for ‘Carlos Danger’… they just did. ‘Mrs Carlos Danger’ has just been handed the poison chalice by the Wicked Witch. Hillary Clinton is ‘horrified by the antics of Anthony ‘Carlos Danger’ Weiner, and wants his wife Huma to ditch him or else she won’t be given as prestigious a job in the 2016 campaign’Huma & Hillary watching Carlos Danger’s impromptu party piece trick with a phone… Oh the wonderful game of politics, and the hypocrites who play within it. Hillary Rodham Clinton makes ‘Game of Thrones’ look like a softer version of Sesame Street. Yours Aye.