An early morning roll in the dark, a recipe for disaster

A recipe for disaster… A canine-mantrap, fifteen stairs, a negative commando roll, and a bag of frozen peas with breakfast and ibuprofen!

Quick dit

This morning at ‘O-crack-sparrow-fart’ (04:15hrs) I placed both feet on the ground a nano-second before my alarm went off. After conducting my morning’s ‘constitutional duties’ I showered, wet shaved, and jumped into my prepared walking-rig, ready for breakfast and the great outdoors. All before ‘pre-dawn’ even thought of breaking!

Not wishing to wake the (one and a half) dogs, I tip toed past their guard position on the landing near the top of the stairs, even resisting the temptation of roughing the puppy’s ears as I did so. Big mistake… ‘BIG’ mistake! Hannah, a black (with a splash of white) Staffordshire Bull Terrier was no longer drawing air and producing zzZZZ’s in her bed, she was laying lengthways on the top stair (one of fifteen), her colouring blending in with the darkness.

 She was now a six-month-old mantrap, and a very effective one.

As I hurtled into space my commando & parachute training came instantly to the fore, I rolled into a ball, head & arms tucked in, with knees together, a coiled spring ready to accept my landing with a full sideways roll, exit right, directly into the open door of the kitchen.

Actually, that is what flashed through my mind’…

Unfortunately I was unable to put it into practice as it all happened too fast. I flailed out and tried to grab hold of the wooden banister, whilst screaming obscenities at no one but myself?

After much banging and crashing, and sparks and lights flashing! I landed with a thud in a snotty heap at the bottom of the stairs, that knocked the wind out of me. To add insult to injury Hannah bounded down to join in the fun, as did Joss who plonked his 45 pounds on my chest… Much jumping around, with frivolity and licking followed until I screamed “enough”!

(I had gone from being an Ex-Bootneck, to being a big girls blouse in less than two seconds).

Joss

As I stood up to regain my dignity I realised that I had twisted my bloomin ankle, the same one as had happened several times before. I quickly hobbled into the boot room and put on my walking boots and laced them up tightly, in the hope that the compress would instantly reduce the swelling. Unfortunately, and regrettably, it did not!

I ate breakfast in absolute silence; hacked off as my long walk had to be cancelled, as was the dog minder, and my walking ‘oppo’ who I was due to pick up en-route, (an Ex-Bootneck, who also called me a “big girls blouse” for not walking through the pain).

At least I had the pleasure of watching dawn break as I walked hobbled around the field with the dogs. However, to add insult even further, a small gnat buzzed inside my ear; and I scratched it with a previously unnoticed torn fingernail (strange how ears don’t bleed, they just weep water)!

Hannah & Joss_2

The ‘two thirds empty’ bag of frozen peas is no longer… frozen. The swelling has gone down slightly, as I now sit with my foot in a bucket of iced water pondering the remains of the day. As I survey the one and a half dogs that are now snoring at my feet foot/bucket; the question I ask myself is…

 “Why have dogs got black lips?

Yours Aye.

A Maggie, a Pony, a Monkey, a Gorilla, and now a Churchill!

Having travelled the Globe courtesy of HM Government; I, like so many others reading this post have become accustomed to hearing nicknames for various denominations of currency, each country unique in its terms, slang, and reference.

During a visit to the USA (Key West was the start point), I offered a 100 Dollar bill to pay for a round of beers, only to be told “Oh Man! I can’t bust a Benjamin this early in the day”! And so a term was created for the use of  the Royal Marine detachment, which later spread through the Ships company; any bar that gave change for a ‘Benjamin’ was hence known as a “Benjamin Buster”, which in turn reasoned that the bar must be popular to carry the (shrapnel) change? Even better was to ask the Bar tender in Sloppy Joe’s bar if we could “leave a ‘Benjamin’ behind the bar until it run dry”, I don’t recall them ever saying no… 

Not a sign of arrogance but necessity; at the time we were fortunate that the £Sterling was strong against the $Dollar (2 to 1). The Ships supply officer initially carried large denominations only, which made his life easier, and the Ships crew more difficult shore-side.

Just as NavyOne loves to tune in his linguistic ear to foreign squarks & babble, I like to listen and pick up certain military pieces of terminology, which filter into the system for eternity. To listen to such makes me chuckle as the true definition is lost on most outside of the bubble. Back in the days when the world was flat; the Royal Navy as well as the Royal Marines picked up foreign language and introduced most of the terms back into the English language, this as well as its use of military jargon, which was, and still is, used within the UK and elsewhere.

For instance;

A square meal; wooden plates were square for ease of stacking, and used less space. Red & Green watch; ‘port & starboard’ still used within the fire service as well as emergency services, due to the fact that ex-service ‘jolly jack tars’ formulated the first ever fire service into watches shore side and took the term along with them.

And so it goes on…

*Yesterday I met up with an oppo who was a bubblehead bootneck, we went for big eats and a few wets, though I decided to settle for a can of ice’rs goffa.  We both opted for huge baked Irish apples with mousetrap and skinheads; my oppo used up all of the slide before I had chance to dive in, a typical wind up! I had to ask the split looking after us if she could please prof some more slide, and put some wind behind it as my big eats was going ice’rs. We had a good craic and spun a few dits about our past life in a green lid, though my oppo swung the lamp a little too much, which, true to form, meant his big eats went harry icer’s.

Translated…

*Yesterday I met up with a good friend who was Special Boat Service, Royal Marines. We went to a bar for a few beer’s, though I decided to settle for a cold can of fizzy drink. We both chose to have a huge baked potato, with cheese and baked beans. My friend used up the butter before I had chance to take some.  I asked the busy waitress  who was looking after us if she could please provide some more butter pretty quick as my meal was going cold. We had a good laugh as we talked of past times whilst wearing a green beret, though my mate as usual couldn’t stop speaking and his meal went very cold.

Here in the UK we have ‘oodles’ of currency slang, though terms can vary from North to South.

A Maggie = £1- coin. Margaret Thatcher was the Prime Minister at the time of introduction;  it was small & brassy, and thought it was a sovereign.

A Pony = £25- Denomination. In the days of the Raj in India a twenty five Rupee note had a pony pictured on it, the troops brought back the term to the UK.

A Monkey = £500- Denomination. In the same way as above, an Indian 500 Rupee note had a monkey’s picture on it.

A Gorilla = £1000- (two monkey’s). Denomination.

A Churchill = £5- note. One of the proposed nicknames for this new ‘fiver’. It will be *’minted’ and printed in early  2016 ( the Bank of England has given approval and permission to the *Royal Mint to start producing the note for distribution there after).

Five Pounds Churchill

The new issue ‘fiver’ with Churchill’s features will be a collectors piece for those of us who care about our Sceptered Isles.  So far the name being muted is a ‘Winnie’ a ‘Bulldog’ as well as a ‘Churchill’, the later of which I prefer.

Blowing ten Churchill’s on a night out now appeals to me! It’s the least I can do for this great man…

 

Yours Aye.

Dust, Clouds, and a Hooligan 930 feet above sea level…

Lou left a comment on NavyOne’s post on “DUST DEVIL DOGS” on April 142013 at 14:45.

Lou (Who I will now refer to as ‘Dusty Lou’) expressed her love of such ‘dusty’ themed pictures and paintings, which brought back a recent, as well as a far distant memory flooding back…

I was awe-struck upon seeing my first real painting as a young child at Preston Park museum, the ‘Charge of the Light Brigade’. Since that day I have had a fascination for ‘action’ paintings and artwork. At the time of viewing I asked why [the scene] was painted, and not photographed, which raised a laugh from my Dad; he explained camera’s had not been invented at the time. This confused me somewhat, as I had watched silent black and white movies with Charlie Chaplin gently falling about… No one was older than Charlie Chaplin?

balaclava

‘Charge of the Light Brigade’

Obviously there was the most basic camera around at the time, though they were incapable of capturing such a volatile moving charge. Though they did capture the result of what the ‘Light Brigade’ endured, through a still shot taken some time after the action.

Valley of the Shadow of Death, by Roger Fenton‘The Valley of Death’ littered with spent cannon balls as well as cannon-shot, strewn over two miles.

In an attempt to draw out my artistic inner self, I have tried and dabbled with drawing and painting, using charcoal, pencil, oils as well as watercolour. After many hours and years of painful expressions, aching lower back, tears of frustration, and ‘Van Gough’ style tantrums, the result has always been the same; an absolute waste of time and money, the artistic demon refused to be drawn out. Watching a true ‘artist’ who is able to flow and place their interpretation of a subject to canvas, leaves me feeling like I have watched an illusionist; it also makes me want to scream with frustration, and ask “How? How, on God’s green earth did you do that”!

Which leads me onto past history, without breaking protocol…

One morning many years ago. I, along with five other Marines, were selected to attend a covert surveillance/photography course (think sniper with a Pentax SLR). The experience of which, I could (and will probably/eventually) write into a story for a book. ‘The beast in me’ had been tempted out; it was a glorious moment that I recall to this day, an artistic interest of sorts had revealed itself.

My ‘active’ work entailed covert military Op’s, mainly outdoors for long periods, some times in atrocious conditions using dug out hides, or laid half-submerged in babbling brooks in mid winter (covered in black neoprene from head to toe) watching the serious bad guys from ‘across the water’. After which, hours of solitude in my own darkroom, observing and working to my own rules, and because every one thought photography was a dark art (developing and printing actually was back then) I was left to my own devices to the frustration of my Boss, a Royal Marine Lt (if your reading this ‘Paul H’, you have my most sincere apologies). The result of such covert work, created a chain reaction that in turn produced some great effective Counter Terrorism results. I was hooked, the down side was that after eighteen months I had to leave the dark art, and return to the routine of a RM Commando Unit. Photography then became far too expensive to enjoy.

That was until the arrival of the digital camera, and the world suddenly changed from monochrome to colour! Life began again when I splashed out and bought my first, of several cameras.

Only those of a certain age will understand the feeling of liberty that the digital age has brought about; I still have two rolls of film in my fridge that requires developing, each time I reach for the milk I make a mental note that it should be done!

(A quick show of hand’s from those who still have a 35mm roll in a drawer or a box lying around the house)! I thought so; it’s not just me. As usual I digress…Vague memories of the ‘Gnome’ and ‘Devere’ enlarger are almost mystical. The tainted smell of developer and fixer on hands and clothing are just a memory, their time has long since ceased to be. The digital age opened Pandora’s box.

For Coffeypot & Navy Davy…

The enlarger’s I mentioned are two types of photographic machine that use exposed & developed film, which is placed within a lens system. Using controlled light conditions, the resulting image is projected onto a single piece of ‘Kenthene’ print paper for light activation. The machines are not for the use on male appendage… (beat you to it) ;-)

*I need not wax lyrical over the variety of digital systems that are now available, or how simple they are to use. Each with the capability of creating countless thousands of images inexpensively, all without the use of messy chemicals and machines whose names produced schoolgirl giggles (*why; because I have just done so, and yes we did giggle like schoolgirls when the ‘enlarger’ was introduced to the course, it’s a man thing)…

Quick Dit…

Just recently I asked friends what they would like as a late wedding gift. They mentioned a copy of a photograph I had taken, as the colours, as well as the subject, matched a scheme within their home. The resulting image was transferred to a large canvas print, framed within a piece of polished oak taken from a fallen tree within the scene. It looks better than I describe, and I did feel a little awkward giving it as a gift as it felt as though I was cheating over what a true artist could produce. (Doffing my cap at the true artists among you).

Sun setting in the West

Sun setting in the West

Extension to the Dit…

Two years ago, well before dawn broke (on one of my numerous adventures), I walked to the summit of Roseberry Topping on the North Yorkshire Moors, to watch the sunrise from the sea. Setting off at the base there was a slight chill breeze that turned into a gusting wind as I climbed higher along the twisting worn trail. As I reached the highest point of the Topping, the wind was blowing a hooligan (40 mph); I settled down in the lee of one of the rock outcrops, upon which I caught sight of a fellow walker, who had also taken cover. It was too noisy to speak above the pitch of the gale, so I simply gave him the thumb up gesture of ‘OK’, from which I received a smile and a nod.

Settling in and down below cover, I took refuge and broke out one of my flask’s of tea, followed by a heavily laden cold bacon sandwich; just as the sun went from pre-dawn into early sunrise. Reaching for my pocket Sony camera I crawled to the edge of my vantage point, capturing the morning’s burst of energy as it glowed over the far distant white caps out at sea. All was well with the world as I settled back into my cubby hole; though I did ponder over the thought that “those who do not participate in the delights of pork, are indeed missing out on one of life’s greatest pleasures”! Studying my surroundings, I noticed that my fellow walker did not appear to be a ‘happy chappy’, indeed he looked absolutely windswept, battered and forlorn. As I did not receive a thumb down earlier I presumed his lot was not a happy one, but at least an adequate and acceptable one (oh how I hoped he wasn’t a potential jumper, as several had done so in past years)!

It has always been a habit of mine to over pack on hot drinks and foodstuff, so I was quite happy to sit and take in the distant view from my calm spy-hole for a while longer; ready to block and tackle the unhappy one’s attempt at flight, should it be required. Eventually, having taken my fill, I considered my return route options. 

Whilst re-packing my small Bergan ‘unhappy chappy’ motioned to me; once I was fully booted and spurred I wandered over to his spot, taking hit after hit from the punching buffering gale, and noticed that he had a large canvas satchel stuffed behind him, with what looked like a small collapsible easel strapped to it, along with other bits and pieces of paraphernalia?

‘Windblown man’ was not dressed for the great outdoors; his old tweed jacket with the collar turned up, worn over a thick brown woolen jumper, matched his faded brown corduroy trousers. He was either, the old school ‘Matterhorn’ adventurer type, or simply a teacher separated from his class of pupils? His attire sufficed on this warmish early morning, but only just… Unprepared outdoors walkers are a blight on society, who often put others at risk through their stupidity. What added insult to injury was the fact he was wearing heavy leather brogue shoes.

And then I noticed the lapel badge on his jacket; this was no ordinary great outdoors adventurer, or a teacher separated from his group! This was a ‘Fellow of the Royal Academy of Arts’! An elderly angel had transcended from above, and the powerful gale had temporarily grounded him. My inwards growl subsided to pure admiration, as I unceremoniously parked my backside down next to him, thus cutting the ‘Tyson-esque’ air punches dead. After going through the good morning courtesies, we got down to the nitty-gritty, as well as the whys and where for’ of his dilemma.

In a nutshell’ the ‘Fellow’ had wished to capture the pastel colours and shades presented by the dawns rising sun, and hadn’t taken that morning’s wind calculation into account (at 930 feet above sea level)? That morning as he arrived at the summit, the wind started picking up from a soft gust that switched into a battering hooligan. Unable to set up his easel and watercolours, he decided to wait it out. A bad calculation, as the wind was destined to hit 60 to 70 mph by lunchtime, of which I explained.

As we discussed the situation I offered, then insisted, that he take my spare flask of hot tea, and then went one step further and offered him my back up bacon sandwich, which he again politely declined (phew), though I insisted he took half, of which he did (ohhh)! Followed by a banana and a large chocolate caramel wafer. Having drunk and ate our fill it was decided that I would carry his large satchel, as well as the ’monkeys & parrots’ strapped to the outside; allowing him to walk down hill in front of me, as I could take the main buffering from the nor’easter gale.

My main concern was that the small 120-pound wiry frame of the ‘Fellow’ inside his jacket, would act as a sail and blow him from the track, and over the edge (I had seen more meat on a jockey’s whip at York races, my morning snack must have been a two-day feast for him)! Gradually and gingerly he made his way down wards as I acted as his back stop; en-route we deterred a young couple carrying a small child in a back knapsack from walking up! Unprepared outdoors walkers are a blight on society, etc, etc. Having reached the base safely, we then walked back to the car park discussing the merits of painting over photography. We eventually shook hands and parted company. 

Over the last year or so the ‘Fellow’ and I have bumped into each other several times both socially, as well as accidentally whilst wandering around the Yorkshire Moors. At his request I did mail him my collection of photographs taken from that wind-swept morning, who knows if they were of any use? But through the marvel of modern-day digital imagery, at least I achieved my aim, which I often rib him about.

He always has the last laugh though, and does laugh longest, as he is the true artist and painter with a thousand years of history supporting him.

However; the time previously spent burning money as well as brain cells at my attempt at art, have not been wasted. The same principles are required when formulating the subject using ‘old school photography’; they work even better with digital photography, as the principles also be brought to play when editing the image on a ‘puter’ screen.

A question for ‘Dusty Lou’! Are clouds as difficult as dust to capture on canvas?

Sunrise Aug 2011

Sunrise Aug 2011

Yours Aye.

An Englishman’s (alleged) love affair?

Statistically I am classed as being a twenty two percent kind of person, who is having a (gulp) “love affair”! In addition to which I am also a seven percent thirsty Englishman?

(As well as being a seven percent ‘picky’ person)…

Yorkshire TeaIt appears they may be right, so I’ll just put the kettle on and let you read the rest…

DownloadedFile

Anyone else up for a nice ‘cuppa char’ and a chocolate digestive biscuit?

Yours Aye.

(Slurping, with my little pinky finger protruding outwards)!

A Paratrooper on a Horse

I am not responsible for any reaction to Ex Bootneck’s joke:

A Paratrooper narrowly escaped serious injury recently when he attempted horseback riding with no prior experience.

After mounting his horse unassisted, the horse immediately began moving.

As it galloped along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the Paratrooper, who has not been named, began to slip sideways from the saddle.

Although attempting to grab for the horse’s mane the Paratrooper could not get a firm grip.

He then threw his arms around the horse’s neck but continued to slide down the side of the horse.

The horse galloped along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, losing his grip, the rider attempted to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety…

However, his foot became entangled in the stirrup, leaving him at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as his head and upper body repeatedly struck the ground.

Moments away from unconsciousness and possible death; to his great fortune a Royal Marine (shopping at the same supermarket) saw him and his predicament and quickly unplugged the ’20-pence-a-ride- horse’ !!!

Whoah Nelly!

Four Confessions

Our pals over at Military Times are having fun in their forum. Here is their latest game:

New game…Write down four confessions. Three true, one false. We’ve gotta figure out which one isn’t real. Get creative.

I’ll go first.
1) I’ve sat in the President’s chair in the White House Situation Room
2) I was booked into city jail a few years back on Valentine’s Day
3) I was featured in a music video
4) I chased Gwenyth Paltrow away once

I chased Gwenyth Paltrow away. Once. Yeah, sure. I’ll guess that one is phony.

A C-Section Versus a c-section

C-section deliveries are at a worldwide high. After careful deliberation, I’ve discovered a way to cut down on the high costs of an unnecessary C-section. Rather than doing C-sections, why not do c-sections? A C-section (upper-case C) versus a c-section (lower-case c.) The facts of the case:

A C-section or a c-section?

Putting a halt to medically unnecessary cesarean sections could save more than $2 billion a year worldwide, a new study estimates.

It has long been recognized that many countries have high C-section rates. In the U.S., C-sections now account for one-third of all deliveries — an all-time high.

The reasons are various. The rising rate of multiple births has played a role, since twins or “higher-order” multiples often need to be delivered by C-section.

The findings paint a picture of the global “inequities” in C-sections, according to Drs. Jose Belizan and Fernando Althabe, who worked on the study

How much money are we going to save with c-sections? Or what about a l-section?

Ladies, Do Please Be Careful

(Prep your best Jerry Lewis squeal) Hey ladies, are you reading fiction? I’d be careful:

John Harvey Kellogg

The reading of works of fiction is one of the most pernicious habits to which a young lady can become devoted.

When the habit is once thoroughly fixed, it becomes as inveterate as the use of liquor or opium.

The novel-devotee is as much a slave as the opium-eater or the inebriate.

The reading of fictitious literature destroys the taste for sober, wholesome reading and imparts an unhealthy stimulus to the mind, the effect of which is in the highest degree damaging.

Guess who dropped that diamond? John Harvey Kellogg in Ladies Guide in Health and Disease published in 1882. You may know John Harvey better by his invention. The corn flake. You have been warned, estrogen producers! Do please be careful, kind dears.

Happy Halloween! Ooops, I Mean, Happy St. Patrick’s Day?!?

Good evening from wherever this blogpost finds you. I hope your Halloween was great this year. If you are bowler, could this not be the ultimate creepy bowling gift:

Zombie Head Bowling Ball

I did it again! It is not Halloween, but St. Patty’s Day. Still, I am sure you could use a zombie head bowling ball, so I’ll leave the post up. (Big breath. Inhale. Exhale) Next big holiday, April Fool’s Day, right? That is the one with all the turkeys?

‘Stache Stimulus

Economics is a murky pond, closer to a fishing trip than a science. But I have a sure bet for you: the “Stimulus To Allow Critical Hair Expenses,” or STACHE Act. The act is sponsored by the American Mustache Institute whose mission statement is:

Protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against mustached Americans, by promoting the growth, care, and culture of the mustache.

American Mustache Institute

And what, you might ask, would the stimulus cover? Lotsa good stuff:

Mustache and beard trimming instruments
Weightless conditioning agents and wax
Facial hair coloring products (for men and women over 43 years of age)
Bacon
Mustache combs and mirrors
Burt Reynolds wallet-sized photos

Come April 1st, there is a march planned (Million Mustache March), demanding the following tax deduction:

The “Stimulus To Allow Critical Hair Expenses,” or STACHE Act, which would “provide a $250 annual tax deduction for expenditures on mustache grooming supplies.” According to AMI research, mustached Americans earn 4.3 percent more money than “clean-shaven Americans” on average per yer. Therefore incentivising mustache growth would boost the economy.

Underway Sailors, the world over, collectively cringe at the discrimination against their mustachioed bread-winner brothers. What a horror, pass the Act now!

The Opposite of Sunning the Queen

What is the opposite of sunning the Queen? Ummmm, maybe this:

BRISBANE, Australia (Associated Press) —  A Sydney man has been fined 750 Australian dollars ($800) for mooning Queen Elizabeth II and her husband, Prince Philip, during a royal visit to Australia.

Liam Lloyd Warriner

Barman Liam Lloyd Warriner was sentenced Tuesday in a Brisbane court on a charge of creating a public nuisance for baring his buttocks to the 85-year-old British monarch and her 90-year-old husband in October. . .

Warriner admitted holding an Australian flag clenched between his bare buttocks and running as the royal couple’s motorcade drove past well-wishers.

Warriner’s next door neighbor actually lent him the flag. I imagine he does not want it back.

Family Pictures

Me as a little tyke:

A small, little, tiny, mighty Star Wars’ stormtrooper

Me, just out of Navy Boot Camp:

Just out of Lego Navy Boot Camp

People have told me, privately, that I am a little on the plastic side. I just don’t see it. At all. (Thanks to Kristina Alexanderson’s Flickr photostream!)

How To Be More Interesting

Psst, lean in a little closer to your screen. Are you alone? Can I share a secret? Okay, pinky swear that you will not tell anyone. . .

Good. Here is the deal, I am exceedingly boring. I have had people fall asleep mid-conversation with me at parties. Their eyes slip to half-mast, than the whole flag crashes ceremoniously down. Imagine a grand piano falling from the 16th floor of the Empire State Building. (Why not the roof, you were thinking. I am not that ponderous, jeez!)

When the money mag Forbes put out the blogpost How To Be More Interesting, I knew that the writer specifically had me in mind when she wrote these ten tips. Deep breath. (For me, not you. This is, after all, my dullness we are discussing.)

1. Go exploring: Explore ideas, places, and opinions.

Hmm, is that not what this blog is all about? Exploring? Confessing? Bawling? (Sniff.)

2. Share what you discover: And be generous when you do. . . Let them live vicariously through your adventures.

Which is exactly what I am doing. . . Sharing. Like fungi: without the fun, just the guy.

3. Do something. Anything: Dance. Talk. Build. Network. Play. Help.

One sec. (Standing up. Dancing. Hey, Macarena! Sitting back down.) Done.

4. Embrace your innate weirdness: No one is normal. . . Don’t hide these things—they are what make you interesting.

No way. I am normal. I am so non-unique, that I am unique.

5. Have a cause: If you don’t give a damn about anything, no one will give a damn about you.

A cause? Go Broncos! Er, nevermind. . .

6. Minimize the swagger: Egos get in the way of ideas. If your arrogance is more obvious than your expertise, you are someone other people avoid.

I am someone other people avoid? Says who? Hey, get back here. . .

7. Give it a shot: Try it out. Play around with a new idea. Do something strange.

I think I will. Try something new. Strange even. What about a blog? Naw, too seditious.

8. Hop off the bandwagon: If everyone else is doing it, you’re already late to the party.

Stop this blog?

9. Grow a pair: Bravery is needed to have contrary opinions and to take unexpected paths.

Start another blog?

10. Ignore the scolds: Boring is safe, and you will be told to behave yourself.

Boring is safe. I like safe. Especially in baseball. A bloop single over the 2nd baseman’s head? Safe. I am.

Don’t forget our pinky swear. You bettah never tell anyone what I just shared with you!