We are what we Eat

Obesity IS a disability! So rules the highest European Union court of Justice, after 5′ 6″ tall – 25st (350 pounds) Danish child-minder Karsten Kartoft was ‘sacked for being too fat to perform his job properly.’24241BC800000578-0-image-a-14_1418901818525Hard-pressed businesses face costly bills after European judges controversially ruled that obesity can be classed as a disability. Companies will be forced to make concessions for overweight staff that could include extra-large office furniture, medical advice or exercise facilities. Firms could also face expensive compensation claims for discrimination if they sack someone for being overweight.  The child-minder took action against his employer after he was sacked for not being able to tie up the shoelaces of the children he cared for!2423534200000578-2878792-The_European_Court_of_Justice_in_Luxembourg_ruled_that_if_obesit-a-12_1418901666369

“Mr Kaltoft, who has a body mass index of 54 – almost twice the official obesity level – said he did not believe he was disabled.” 

The bloated European circus of nonsense & ridiculousness Court of Justice in Luxembourg

It is my own humble opinion that gross obesity is a self-inflicted ‘disability!’ The decision passed down from the buffoons within the European circus of human ridiculousness is totally and utterly absurd – it also insults those with genuine disabilities. The sooner the human rights circus collapses its big tent and heads into liquidation – the better for all of us on this side of the pond. If you are unable to tie your own shoelaces – then have a quick look at the nearest wall, because the writing in plain view states you are not destined to shuffle around this planet for much longer. We are what we eat, the choice is plain and yet so simple!     Yours Aye.

The tale of ‘un œuf pourri.’

The tale of ‘un œuf pourri.’ This morning a kindly soul went out of their way to drop off one dozen free-range eggs onto my doorstep. When I say ‘drop off’ I obviously meant ‘placed the eggs’ within a cardboard egg container onto my doorstep, as I was away walking the canine’s at the time and found them on my return. A simple gesture of gratitude for a small favour I carried out a few days ago, an act I greatly appreciated as it meant scrambled eggs with toast for breakfast would soon follow.Free_Range_Chickens Throughout my adult years I have only ever fallen ‘foul’ of  opening one rotten sulphurous egg (for those among you who have endured the same you will agree, it is ‘un œuf pourri’ too many.) As a young lad under instruction from my Gran I would often dunk eggs in a bowl to test their freshness, which is how I discovered todays rotten little blighter. One out of the dozen bobbed and floated atop the surface, while the remainder slowly sunk like ‘sun-dodgers’ of the silent service – to settle gently on their side. morning_picdump_230_640_20  When ever I drop left over food into the small kitchen waste bin, Nipper religiously follows like a shadow – this time as I dropped the egg into the bin Nipper was nowhere to be seen. A wise choice as it turned out as I was about to suffer through my negligence…dog_nose1-296x300 A human has about 5 million scent glands, compared to a dog, who has anywhere from 125 million to 300 million. TRUE!

The egg cracked open in the bin – just as 5 million of my scent glands detonated and almost forced my gag reflex to its maximum purge (several times!) But I managed to hold on to my early morning ‘pre-amble’ cuppa-char and fig roll – by maintaining a stiff upper lip and arching one eye brow, whilst thinking of Queen and Country – all under the watchful eye of Great Aunt Gertrude’s sepia coloured photograph! Having promptly ditched the bin outside I returned to scratch scrambled eggs from the morning menu, settling instead for fruit and toast for breakfast (sat in a wafting haze of Cotton Fresh Febreeze air freshner.) Three snouts combining 900 million scent glands soon joined me, as the divine smell of fresh toasted bread hit the air…      Yours Aye.

Potatoes – Irish Apples…

23575A1A00000578-2875014-image-m-19_1418672726175Are POTATOES the ultimate diet food? How a chemical compound found in a spud is shown to prevent weight gain. 

Potatoes have long been considered something of an anti-diet food, but new research has found that they may in fact prevent weight gain. According to a new paper published by researchers at McGill University, high potato consumption in mice was shown to decrease body weight gain. The team believes that the findings are due to potatoes’ high concentration of polyphenols – a disease-fighting chemical component found in fruits and vegetables. Potatoes are the ultimate diet food House Brick Just knock me down with a feather… Having just eaten a baked jacket potato the size of an old London house brick (appropriately – with a huge dollop of ‘cottage’ cheese atop it) I can honestly say I’m stuffed. But I can go to bed knowing I’ll wake up lighter and fitter in the morning. Thank you McGill University…      Yours Aye.

Xmas pudding & Chinese wedding cake

1A3924A800000578-0-image-m-30_1418046687449Does fruit cake last forever? Scientists say the combination of alcohol and dried fruit means most puddings last much longer than the ‘use by date.’ 

It’s the time of year to eat fruit cakes and Christmas puddings in abundance. Now, experts have said the Christmas treats can be eaten long past their use-by-date. The U.S. Department for Agriculture advises fruit cakes can last up to three months in the fridge and up to a year in the freezer. But food safety experts believe they could last even longer…e18d32ab-1636-4b43-904b-6dc0a58571a8

We may need to agree to disagree on this one. I can vouch for the fact that Christmas pudding never lasts past Christmas day in my humble abode. Very much like ‘Chinese wedding cake’ after boxing day dinner, it only lasts for as long as it takes to devour it with a racing spoon!     Yours Aye

‘Chinese wedding cake': Naval slang for rice pudding and sultanas. 

One of our Reindeer is missing!

reindeer_3106815fReindeer goes on the menu as Christmas carpaccio: Smoked reindeer is on Lidl’s ‘deluxe’ festive food range. Reindeer carpaccio is to feature among the luxury delicacies being offered by budget supermarket Lidl this Christmas. 

Packs of the thinly sliced raw meat will feature in the ‘Deluxe’ range that the thriving German chain hopes will draw in shoppers who would normally go to the other major retailers. Although the meat is mainly considered a Scandinavian delicacy, Lidl has had some success selling reindeer steaks in Britain, and believes consumers are now ready to eat the meat in its raw form. Reindeer goes on the menu as Christmas carpaccio

1415224907959_Image_galleryImage_Lidl_Reindeer_meat

It is my own humble opinion that reindeer meat is far tastier than venison. Each year through a 3 month winter deployment to Norway – reindeer steak as well as reindeer stew were always a welcome addition to the evening meal menu.  Though it may be a wise move to hide the packaging if you’re thinking of indulging this year, and not tell the children that they may well be eating one of Santa’s sled team… Yours Aye.

North Pole Roll Call;

“Dasher” – “Here Santa.”
“Dancer” – “Here Santa.”
“Prancer” – “Here Santa”
“Vixen” – “Here Santa.”
“Comet” – “Here Santa.”
“Cupid” – “Here Santa.”
“Donner” – “Here Santa.”
“Blitzen” – “Blitzen!” – “Blitzen!!” – “Has anyone seen Blitzen?” ;-)

Speaking of ‘breaded lamb loin chops’

18810Speaking of ‘breaded lamb loin chops.’ (Or did I just imagine it?) 

I found an old recipe earlier, and created a meal fit for some one of my ilk… Though I did re-jig the recipe ever so slightly to fit my own taste buds. None the less, I will lay claim to a culinary victory that ‘Meat without Meat’ could never achieve! 

Ingredients:
2 eggs
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons Soy sauce
2 large lamb loin chops
4 oz dried breadcrumbs
Small tip of the spoon garlic paste
Small amount of fresh-cut Rosemary
Light sprinkle of salt and cracked pepper

Method:
1. Using a mixing bowl, give the eggs a damn good thrashing – then introduce the Soy and Worcestershire sauce into the mix, and thrash further. Add the garlic paste, Rosemary, and a light sprinkle of salt and pepper – and thrash until well and truly blended.
2. Marinade the lamb in the bowl, and place in the fridge for 90 minutes.
3. Preheat the oven to 190 C / Gas mark 5
4. Remove the lamb from the fridge marinade, and lightly cover each lamb chop in breadcrumbs. Then arrange them on a lightly greased baking tray or dish.
5. Bake in a preheated oven for 20 minutes, then turn the chops over, and bake for a further 20 minutes. The little blighters should now be ready, and the delicate smell will turn you to drink – so have a half decent bottle of red handy!

I enjoyed the breaded loin chops alongside a mix of vegetables and new potatoes – accompanied by a large glass (I haven’t got any small glasses) of California’s ‘Gallo Family Vineyards’ Cabernet Sauvignon. I may have forgotten to cork the bottle, as it appears to have since evaporated!    Yours Aye  We must be in a heavy swell as we are rolling a bit…

Vegan ‘meat free meat’ oxymoron

A tofu turkey and six meat-less sausages please! America to welcome the world’s first VEGAN ‘butcher’ shop…  It may sound like an oxymoron (which it indeed does!) But Minnesota is soon to be the location of the world’s first vegan butcher shop.238F863C00000578-0-image-4_1417126531658

Siblings Aubry & Kale Walch, based in Minneapolis, already run the herbivorous butcher a successful farm-stand business crafting artisan meat ‘imitation’ products, but after exceeding their $50,000 goal on Kickstarter, they’re ready to open their first shop. 

Launching in April, the shop will sell their signature line of wheat gluten and tofu-based ‘meats’, which include Pepperoni, Italian Sausage, Smoky House Ribs, Pulled Pork and Maple-Glazed Bacon.  America welcomes worlds first VEGAN butcher’s shop 238F866C00000578-0-image-5_1417126542381“STOP! – STOP! – STOP!” Stop this madness NOW! Have you ever in your life heard of such nonsense before? A traditional Yorkshire butcher surrounded by real meat!Butcher_9 A butcher is a person who may slaughter animals, dress their flesh, sell their meat or do any combination of these three tasks. Butchery is an ancient trade, whose duties date back to the domestication of livestock – butchers formed guilds in England as far back as 1272. The standard meaning of “butcher,” is “one whose trade is slaughtering animals and dealing in their meat.”  Can you imagine the term “As fit as a butcher’s dog” being used and abused to the saying of “As fit as a vegans dog?” Exactly; nor can I…    Yours Aye.fitter than a butchers dog Both fitter than a butcher’s dog & it’s not through the nonsense of tofu & meat free meat!

I think (biscuit) therefore I am!

02ADE36C00000514-2839710-image-2_1416337858740Eating biscuits and cakes could damage your memory – regardless of your age?

Healthy people who ate the most products containing trans fats – found in some processed foods – had worse scores in a word memory test, say University of California, San Diego researchers.thinking1

“Cogito, ergo sum.”

<—— “Buccellatum comedam buccellam panis, et ego iustus!”

I was going to type a humorous dit; but sadly it’s slipped my mind? Time for a pot of tea and a couple of McVitie’s digestive biscuits I think…      

Yours Aye.

And pigs might fly-PETA!

1414953964675_wps_25_CONTAINS_NUDITY_128539_NeDozens of PETA supporters strip off for central London protest against meat-eating on World Vegan Day.  Around 100 PETA supporters laid in Trafalgar square, covered in fake blood, in order to draw a comparison between the bodies of animals and those of humans. The animal rights organisation hope the stunt will encourage more to stop eating meat and use animal products. ‘Animals feel pain, fear, love and joy, just as humans do, yet billions of them are killed every year for products that are poisoning the environment and contributing to the UK’s obesity epidemic’, says PETA Director Mimi Bekhechi. ‘PETA is challenging people to think about the massive toll that the meat industry takes on animals, the Earth and human health – and to go vegan.’ PETA-supporters-strip! 1414952322007_Image_galleryImage_epa04472138_PETA_supporteFlying PigIt’s enough to put a man off his morning bacon sandwich – NOT! 

I personally know three vegan’s, and to be honest each time I bump into them I always think “There’s more meat on a jockey’s whip after the Grand National!” The vegan’s above must live close by to a Guinness brewery – or they are in the wrong protest (save the whale from the Japanese fishing fleet is on the next street along – doh!)

Each to their own…  I was thinking of going vegetarian…  And pigs might fly! Does that mean the price of bacon is going up?   Yours Aye.

Have you eaten yet?

It is the most expensive – and many would argue delicious – part of a sushi menu. But one man’s love of sashimi nearly killed him after it led to his body becoming riddled with tapeworm parasites. The Chinese man had gone to his doctor complaining of stomach ache and itchy skin. To his horror, scans revealed his entire body had been infected with tapeworm parasites after eating too much sashimi – raw slices of fish.1411571939703_wps_6_A_Chinese_man_who_went_toSushi lover’s entire body left riddled with tapeworm-parasites 

And that dear friends, is why this Ex Bootneck never ever eats ‘raw fish!’    Yours Aye.

Beekeepers and a goose…

A chinese apiarist who must ‘bee’ very good with heights…1410193629957_wps_37_SHENNONGJIA_CHINA_SEPTEMBThis daredevil beekeeper in China perches precariously atop the mountains of Shennongjia Nature Reserve in central China’s Hubei province – and it’s all in a day’s work. The fearless apiarist is there to check on his hives, which contain thousands and thousands of bees. The wooden boxes are strategically balanced on the karstic mountains of the reserve and the beekeeper has to carefully clamber on top of them to get to the next one. Daredevil beekeeper in China perches precariously atop the mountains of the Shennongjia Nature Reserve to check on hives

“You’re a better man than I am Gunga Din!” Where needs must prevail they invariably do… I’ll stick to buying my ‘Yorkshire’ honey from the local farm shop, where the only danger comes from being ‘goosed’ by the butchers buxom wife…      Yours Aye.

The aromatics of grilled bacon

1409183744078_wps_8_Cameo_Crispi_mugshot_VERNWoman named Crispi who set ex-boyfriend’s house on fire with bacon to stand trial on arson charges. 

Cameo Crispi, a 32 year-old mother from Uintah County, Utah, was arrested on March 14 after her ex boyfriend contacted police to say that she had been harassing him and he wanted her to stop — and leave his home. She had repeatedly called and texted her former flame, who was not home at the time, while at his residence, where she left the bacon over a lit burner.

1409183743044_Image_galleryImage_VERNAL_Utah_AP_A_Utah_wom

 

Cameo Crispi in her mug shot (pictured above) and on Facebook (pictured left) has been charged with setting her ex’s home on fire by leaving a pound of bacon on the stove and scattering hot coals on the floor Woman named Crispi set ex boyfriends  house on fire with bacon

Only a woman with a cruel ‘streak’ could do such a thing – ‘a whole pound of bacon!’ For ‘Gawds’ sake lock her up and throw away the key for committing the ultimate crime… ;-)  Yours Aye.

“Permission for top lip to quiver Sir!”

At ‘daft-0-clock’ I made my Saturday morning pilgrimage towards the bakers to pick up a couple of warm fresh uncut bread loaves. Walking into the baker’s shop across the worn yorkshire stone step you leave the cool morning air outside, as the warm glorious aromatic air within punches you senseless. Sadly, this morning resulted in the aromatic blitz, but no bread!  The shelves were almost bare, even the sweet delicate savoury pastries were gone (top lip quivering.) I checked my watch, just as the village clock chimed 07:00hrs, this was an unusual occurrence, as was the heavier traffic en-route along the country lanes. (Below; Whitby harbour, and Whitby Abbey top right of pic.)article-2726539-209093C400000578-679_970x524 Normally the only traffic encountered at 06:00 hrs would be the occasional tractor, or a milk float making door to door deliveries. I spoke with the baker’s wife and pitifully asked “Where is everything thing, the bread, and the savouries?” She looked at the shelves forlornly “Sorry, we’ve been wiped out by the Yorkshire Moors Railway enthusiasts travelling to Pickering and Whitby for the new steam train service, but another batch will be ready within the hour!” My top lip steadied itself until she said “But no savouries for a couple of hours.” My sigh was audible, and unintended, as I had to get back and walk the canines within the hour. Bidding her a hearty good-bye I departed empty-handed – no bread loaves or pecan latticed pastries, a disastrous start to the day.article-2726539-208C829300000578-608_968x630  

For the first time in fifty years two magnificent steam locomotives travel side-by-side to the seaside town of Whitby to celebrate the opening of a new passenger platform:

The baker walked out behind me and called me back, he mentioned a delicatessen that also baked on the premises, which was in Malton, a small Market town close-by (yet far enough away from the route of the selfish, greedy, picnic-happy, train enthusiast ‘barstewards!’)Pecan lattice sweet savoury  

I found the delicatessen with ease, and received a secondary aromatic assault on my senses. The morning went well there after, and has continued so right up until now, as I have just remembered the large pecan lattice savoury pastry with my name on it, just waiting to be devoured. With a pot of tea of course!     Yours Aye.

Whats in your Ration Pack-MRE?

Just a few meal selections taken from military ration packs – meals ready to eat, from various countries around the world.     The best has been saved for last…1-620xSpain. The Spanish lunch pack has cans of green beans with ham, squid in vegetable oil, and pate. There is also a sachet of powdered vegetable soup, peach in syrup for dessert and crackers handed out to go with the meal in place of bread (not shown). There is a disposable heater with matches and fuel tabs, as well as lots of tablets: Vitamin C, glucose, water purification, and rehydration.2-620xU.S. Almond poppy-seed pound cake, cranberries, spiced apple cider (the hot US non-alcoholic drink) and peanut butter and crackers make up this very American meal package. The main – pasta with vegetable “crumbles” in spicy tomato sauce – is less traditional, but the “flameless heater” shows off American tech skills – just add water to the powder in a plastic bag and it heats up enough to warm the plastic meal pouch.3-620xNorway. The Norwegian pack has American technology (the flameless heater) but British tastes. There is Earl Grey tea, beans and bacon in tomato sauce, a golden oatie biscuit and Rowntree’s Tooty Frooties.4-620xItaly. The Italian ration pack contains a breakfast shot of 40% alcohol cordial, a powdered cappuccino, lots of biscotti, and a disposable camping stove for heating parts of the meal, including a pasta and bean soup, canned turkey and a rice salad. Dessert is a power sport bar, canned fruit salad or a muesli chocolate bar.5-620xAustralia. The Australian ration pack has more small treats than any of the others. Most of it is packaged by the military, from a serving of love-it-or-hate-it Vegemite to jam sandwich biscuits and a tube of sweetened condensed milk. The bag includes a can-opener-cum-spoon for getting at the Fonterra processed cheddar cheese, and main meals of meatballs and chilli tuna pasta. There are lots of sweets and soft drinks, and two unappetising-looking bars labelled “chocolate ration”.6-620xGreat Britain. The British pack is dotted with familiar brands from Kenco coffee and Typhoo tea to a mini bottle of Tabasco. The main courses include the British favourite, chicken tikka masala, and a vegetarian pasta. There’s also pork and beans for breakfast, and lots of sweets and snacks from trail mix to an apple “fruit pocket” that looks like it might not be out-of-place in a school lunchbox. Plus packets of Polos and, of course, plenty of teabags.7-620xEstonia. Stuffed peppers, chicken-meat pâté, smoked sprats, and liver sausage with potatoes make an eclectic menu here. Plus, crispbreads on the side, and halva with vanilla for dessert. Breakfast is muesli, a fruit pocket and honey.8-620xCanada. While there are Bear Paws snacks in the Canadian ration pack, there’s the shocking omission of maple syrup. You have the choice of salmon fillet with Tuscan sauce or vegetarian couscous for the main meal. There is also the makings of a peanut butter and jelly (raspberry jam) sandwich for breakfast.9-620xGermany. The German ration pack contains several sachet’s of grapefruit and exotic juice powder to add to water, and Italian biscotti, but also more familiar treats such as liver-sausage spread and rye bread, goulash with potatoes, and for breakfast sour cherry and apricot jams.10-620xFrance. A streamlined but sophisticated French ration pack offers soldiers deer pâté, cassoulet with duck confit, creole-style pork and a crème chocolate pudding. There is also a disposable heater, some coffee and flavoured drink powder, muesli for breakfast and a little Dupont d’Isigny caramel.11-620xSingapore. The offerings in the Singapore pack were sparse despite its reputation for high-quality cuisine. There were a paltry three dishes, of Szechuan chicken noodles; a mushroom, basil, rice and chicken dish; and soya milk with red-bean dessert.Russki ration packimagesRussia. Things have improved drastically since the collapse of the Soviet Union. Each ration box now comes with 6 litres of Vodka, as opposed to just 2 litres of siphoned jet fuel soaked in black bread.              OK so I made this one up ;-)

And there we have it. No doubt a little bit of ‘this and that’ selected from each countries ration-pack would actually form some thing acceptable, and possibly palatable for a while. Though you would have a fight on your hands trying to take the Russkies vodka. “Nazdaróvye!”      Yours Aye.

Sarah Lee and David Levene theguardian.com, Tuesday 18 February 2014 18.26 GMT

“Pass the Mustard, please.”

Colman’s Mustard celebrates 200 years on Britain’s tables with fascinating archive of photos and adverts showing how it went from strength to strength.article-2717690-204CA2AA00000578-547_964x427An 1884 Victorian label: A staple of the British kitchen is celebrating its anniversary this year. Archivist’s research reveals the 200 year history of Colman’s Mustard. A fascinating archive documenting how Colman’s Mustard impacted on the people living and working in Norwich has been uncovered to mark the 200th anniversary of the product. The gallery of vintage pictures which shows the rise of the condiment to a favourite kitchen staple includes photographs, posters, leaflets and articles dating back to 1814. The popular product was founded by former flour miller Jeremiah Colman and sold as a powder for people to mix into a paste.      Colman’s recipes…article-2717690-204C9DD300000578-580_964x805Hand tinted glass plate showing thousands of workers leaving Norfolk’s Carrow works in 1900: The gallery of vintage pictures dates back to 1814.  The first newspaper advert for the family firm from the time makes up part of the archive. It reads: ‘Jeremiah Colman, having taken the Stock and Trade lately carried on by Mr Edward James, respectfully informs his customers and the public in general that he will continue the manufacturing of mustard.’ His nephew, James, joined the company in 1823, and the firm was rebranded as J. and J. Colman. Employees worked long hours but had access to a clothing club, school and an abundance of leisure activities. Colman’s Mustard celebrates 200 yearsarticle-2717690-204CC43800000578-777_964x1647I remember my Dad letting me taste a bit off the tip of his finger when I was around 5-years-old; I approved wholeheartedly, and from that day forth any meat placed before me has a dollop upon it. It travelled with me throughout my service life to enhance 24 hour ration packs, as well as provide back up in various dining halls. In 20 minutes time it will be spread across my Aberdeen Angus beef and herb sausages. Française namby-pamby moutarde is banned from my humble abode.             “Pass the Mustard, please.” Yours Aye.

Gordon flipping Ramsey!

article-2685921-1F81AA9500000578-597_306x423Cooking with gas! New designed pan heats food 40% faster thanks to its ‘fins’ – and it’s designed by a rocket expert! 

The energy-efficient finned design was designed by a professor of engineering at Oxford University and is set to go on sale next month. The shape of the pan channels heat from a gas flame across the bottom and up both sides, to capture energy that would otherwise be wasted. 

This means it can heat food faster using 40 per cent less energy. The pans, which are made from cast aluminium, will go on sale at Lakeland next month, with prices starting at £49.99 or $86.00. New design ‘fin pan’ heats food 40%-fasterarticle-2685921-1F8277E900000578-829_634x381Pans-26-06-14-6696_2969214bIt’s taken me years to get my evening shave and shower over cooking time perfected, and now some bloody rocket scientist has gone and buggered it all up. Technology, it either works for ~ or against you…      Yours Aye.