My start to the day early on a Saturday morning is a drive to buy the The Telegraph from my local newsagent, as breakfast never starts without its crisp pages laid before my place at the table. This morning as I picked up the paper I realised I had left my wallet at home – fortunately there was a £2 coin in my truck, which covered the price of the broadsheet exactly. Unfortunately just inside the door of the shop was a display that caught my eye; “Special Offer: Four packs of McVitie’s Fig Rolls with 30% extra fruit.”
Now I’m renowned for my iron discipline and strong character, I know I react well to any type of incident – hasty rash decisions are simply not part of my being. ‘But for Gawds sake take pity on me this day, for there in front of me were four packs of McVitie’s Fig Rolls with 30% extra fruit, priced at £2-!’
I dithered, dawdled, and fumbled – in short I went to pieces; “The body was strong: yet the mind wandered into temptation, influenced by my taste buds, and the desire to hold one of those little baked – ‘crumbly on the outside’ – ‘exotically soft in the middle’ – beauties.” Damn those genius package designers – damn them to hell – and a hex on the newsagent for her enticement, charms, and seductive display. Slinking away from the shop with my immoral purchase I felt excited and yet also ashamed.
Reading ‘The Telegraph’ on an iPad whilst eating a full English breakfast is a degrading exercise, and not something I would recommend! I had let Queen and Country down, as well as my three canines and myself. Had I owned a revolver I would have taken it into the library for a damn good clean… But! Here I am at 02:20hrs with a cuppa-char, two fig rolls, three snoring canines, and life couldn’t be better. Yours Aye.