Jeremy Clarkson – Top Gear in Neutral

top_gearJeremy Clarkson suspended from Top Gear. BBC suspends outspoken host Jeremy Clarkson after row with show producer and confirms Top Gear will not be broadcast on Sunday 15 March 2015.image_400x400 The BBC has suspended Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson “following a fracas” with a producer.

No doubt as a result of some kind of minor slur or innuendo – resulting in a BBC high and mighty political correctness fairy spitting their dummy out!  ‘Jezza’ mate – being a Yorkshireman you have no need to excuse or explain yourself, especially to the politically correct left wingers at the British Bulls**t Corporation.  Top-Gear-Top Man – Just some of Jeremy Clarkson’s gaffes.    Yours Aye.

Dodge Ram Vs Landrover Defender Tug O War

Will This ‘Dodge Ram 3.500 Turbo Diesel’ Be Bested by a ‘Short Wheel Base Land Rover 300 Turbo Diesel Injection’ ? Place your bets Ladies & Gentlemen…truck-vs-landrover

Dodge Ram Cummins – Vs – Landrover SWB Defender 90: Torque and ratio’s explained

My £ notes would have been on the Dodge – until I realised it was a 2 x 4. Just waiting for Sgt M to crawl all over me with a tyre wrench… ;-)       Yours Aye.

Driverless cars – Tosh & Nonsense.

07E1040C00000514-2943467-image-m-69_1423271064141Driverless cars get green light and you WON’T need a licence meaning they’ll be able to do the school run on their own.
* Women are expected to benefit most – almost a third don’t have a licence.
* Disabled, elderly and children are also likely to gain from driverless cars.
* Children could be put in ‘robocar’ at home and sent to school without adult.
* Ministers to announce trials on Wednesday following six-month study. Motorists will not need a licence to use driverless cars 

Not wishing to pee on anyone’s bonfire, but; I’ve been using driverless cars for years – they’re called ‘taxis!’ You just open the back door – take a deep breath – and burble something you hope sounds like your current address to the driver – then you promptly fall asleep. Simple!  Yours Aye.

Common sense, best style in winter

It’s 20:30hrs, and minus 7’Celcius (19’Farenheight); I hear an ominous solid thump followed by wheels grinding. As I take a peek into the dark of winter from my upstairs window I witness a set of car headlamps slowly sailing by in slow motion, someone has almost come to grief on the ice coated country lane outside of my humble abode. Fortunately the driver of the car managed to clip the high grassy bank that ballistically threw them back onto the road, which then careened further on downhill – side ways! No doubt he will be fine after a change of undergarments. Last year around this time three unfortunates were not so lucky – nor was my hedgerow, as well as my brick gate post.Dec 27 2013   Dec 27th 2013: Nissan 4×4 Vs Gate Post – Resulting In A Draw: Both were a complete write off!  

Having viewed the vehicular aerobatics display I decided to don thermals and stout boots, and grabbed a bag of rock salt to scatter 100ft either side along the road of my drive entrance (a far cheaper option than replacing brick columns and ancient hedgerows!) 

Summer DorkAs I finished I noticed a set of dull headlamps uphill in the far distance, which obviously belonged to a very sick vehicle as they were dying before me. Being a decent hand I walked along the grassy bank towards the vehicle, guided by my trusty Petzl Head Torch. Low and behold! Sat within the glass condensed foreign coffin sat a shivering youth with a small towel around his scrawny shoulders. The reason for his trembling attack was quite obvious, he was dressed for summer…? Model shown right – not the actual shivering halfwit – but similarly dressed!

He stepped out of his car, and went straight down on his arse – rubber soled canvas shoes tend to let you down that way on ice. “You obviously haven’t got a jacket with you,” says I – “N-n-n-no,” replies he. I gave him my fleece jacket to wear as he was in a bad way. It turns out that the alternator hadn’t been charging the car’s battery (nor his mobile phone) and he had been sat waiting for well over an hour in the hope that a kind soul would stop and help him – on a barely used ‘C class’ road in the middle of the sticks? Having assumed the position of driver, my new-found passenger held the head torch out of his open window to illuminate the downhill stretch before us. Gear stick in neutral with the hand brake off, and slowly we roll forward – gathering sufficient speed to allow the clapped out vehicle to be safely deposited into my drive. “Fancy a cup of tea mate?”“And I hope you like dogs, as your going to meet three of them!” 

~ The Best Style In Winter Is Common Sense ~

COCKBURNS FINE RUBY PORTUsing my land line, eighteen year old simple Simon called his parents who agreed to pick him up. Having warmed up sufficiently (a bowl of spiffing homemade soup, tea, and a doorstep sized piece of Christmas cake) I took him into the garage, and showed him what a winter prepped car should carry - not a small towel in sight! We both agreed he was a  halfwit of the highest order, his father also agreed on the same theory when he arrived an hour later to take him back from whence he came. Not for Simon the luxury of being dropped off at his girlfriends home, which was his original destination.  Yours Aye.

EPILOGUE: Upon my return from this mornings long field walk with the canines, I noticed the clapped out ‘foreign’ Citroen was no longer an eyesore on my drive. Instead a thing of beauty sat on my doorstep – in the guise of a lovely bottle of COCKBURN’S FINE RUBY PORT, accompanied by a small thank you card from young Simon. Obviously his father has taste, and brought his son up correctly. I have since waited until sunset to spray the country lane outside of my humble abode with water, as the air temperature has quickly dropped once again. The iced web has been spun, the trap is set, “Will you walk into my parlour?” said the Spider to the Fly.” Who knows; It may assist in adding to my collection of bottles from Porto ;-)

Jeremy Clarkson flees in 1st Gear

article-2779236-21EAA5DB00000578-564_634x337Jeremy Clarkson and his Top Gear team are forced to leave Argentina early ‘under police escort’ after inciting Falklands outrage with H982 FKL (Falklands 82) number plate. Jeremy Clarkson and his Top Gear co-presenters are seen fleeing in panic as their cars are pelted with stones by an angry mob of Falklands War veterans incensed by their ‘offensive’ number plate. Video footage shows Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond speeding away under police escort after coming under attack during filming for the BBC show. Pictures of the cars with smashed windows were later released by the police. The BBC presenters were forced to abandon their vehicles at a police checkpoint and head to Chile three days ahead of schedule after being told to leave ‘or face the consequences’.article-2779236-21E16E0D00000578-804_634x512Clarkson sparked outrage across the South American country after being spotted driving a Porsche with the number plate H982 FKL which locals claim is a reference to the 1982 Falklands conflict.  From which the Argie forces had their arses well and truly kicked!  Jeremy Clarkson and his Top Gear team are forced to flee Argentina early under police escort after inciting Falklands outrage with ‘H982 FKL’ number plate

The following clip showing Jeremy Clarkson working alongside Royal Marines on a beach assault, which sunk like a lead balloon in Argentina when it was shown last year… As they used to say in the heat of battle “If you can’t take a joke, then you shouldn’t have joined up!      Yours Aye.        October 28, 1664 – October 28, 2014 – Almost 350 years old…

A penny project that makes ‘cents?’

Family cover their classic Cadillac in more than 38,000 cents (worth roughly the same as a paint job.) Consisting of 38,295 individual coins, worth exactly $382.95-article-2724919-2087604D00000578-660_636x382Larry and Theresa Thompson (top right), from Fort Wayne Indiana, have named the 1949 Cadillac Series 62 ‘Penny’, and still drive it at weekends and during the summer. They bought it in 1999 after seeing an advertisement and decided to attack the coins to it after seeing the paint work was a similar colour. They have added 14 stone (196Ibs) in weight to the car, which the couple have displayed at shows.1408022647778_wps_12_PIC_BY_THERESA_THOMPSON_C Family from Indiana cover their classic Cadillac in more than 38,000 cents

A penny for your thoughts over these practical obsessives. You would need the patience of a saint to stick have stuck with this project.      Yours Aye.

Instand Karma, just add idiot…

karma tail gaiting 2Karma happens

Tailgating; Road-rage idiot driver taught a lesson about instant Karma!

True Dit: Scenario: A hot summers day driving along the M5 Motorway-heading back to Plymouth after a three-day range recce. I had a young boy racer tailgating me in the fast lane, who was being egged on by two of his young chums. As I was unable to pull over due to the flow of traffic I just ignored them, which enraged the driver no end. After a mile or so I entered the middle lane to allow them to zoom past in their piddly little 1.3 litre Ford Ka, that sounded as though the pistons were ready to blow through the bonnet/hood. Just as they overtook I was given the mandatory finger as well as two raw eggs for my troubles, which then slowly smeared along the side of the LWB Landrover Defender. Fifteen miles later I pulled into a motorway service for a break and refreshments, and as requested I awoke the two gorillas who were fast asleep in the back portion of the cab. I enlightened them both about the boy racing youths, pointing out the now congealed raw eggs smeared along the ‘aft’ part of the vehicle. A low rumbling growl emanated from the larger primate.marine_cartoon Six foot four ‘Tiny’ was not a ‘happy-chappy’ at all, and he had every right to be angry as he had signed the Landrover out from ‘Motor-Transport’ that had to be returned as issued (fully topped up with fuel, and clean-very-very-clean!) As we walked towards the eatery I noticed the girly blue coloured Ford Ka parked up, as well as its three pimply youths sat at a table slurping slush puppie’s. Tiny was quite an awesome looking Marine in full combats and green beret, and took charge of the situation in hand as I and the other primate ordered and ate. After forty-five minutes or so curiosity got the better of us both so we left to find the big man, who was stood next to a gleaming Landrover that had obviously been hand washed from bumper to bumper (the Ford Ka had only just left.) Tiny then explained the occupants had profusely apologised and ‘volunteered’ to clean the vehicle; after which he bone crunched their hands prior to their departure, though not before he had ‘requested’ them to sit on the remainder of the raw eggs that they were using as ammunition-all twenty-two of them… Karma comes in all shapes and sizes, very similar to primates I suppose?    Yours Aye.

American Muscle vs Italian Muscle

Lamo V CorvetteI would never endorse or advocate speeding or racing on a public highway; but it just so happens that such an incident has recently happened. As such, I feel it is my public duty to expose and shame the drivers involved, not that I take any satisfaction in doing so… Yeeeeharrrrrrrr!!! American Muscle vs Italian Muscle Lamborghini Gallardo with a tubi exhaust battling it out with a 2006 Corvette Z06 which was bone stock. American V8 vs Italian V10 (prime steak or pasta; let me think) ;-)   Last chance ladies & gentlemen, place your bets please…        Yours Aye.

A growling purring big cat…

Garrowby-Hill1Half way point looking ‘down’ Garrowby Hill, with the Vale of York in the far distance…    On my return from York this morning I started climbing Garrowby Hill, which from the base to the summit is around two miles long that covers a climb of around five hundred feet. Even though the road was absolutely clear I sensibly cruised along at 70mph… Out from nowhere travelling at ‘warp speed impossible’, a red streak slashed past my peripheral view only to disappear into a tiny red dot in front of my very eyes! It happened so fast that even when I cleared the summit there was no sign of the vehicle along the open road in front of me? Fifteen bewildered minutes later I pulled into a small country garage for fuel, to find the red dot fully enlarged, and parked in a side bay. Prior to my arrival the owner had time to fuel up, take a leak, buy a coffee and ‘vape’ as he rested on a picnic bench.16658733Half way point looking down Garrowby Hill, with a light dusting of frozen snow and ice…        I have mentioned before that I am a 4 X 4 man, which makes sense living in the middle of the country side, where the hedgerows along the small twisting country lanes in summer can be over twelve to fifteen feet high. Winter brings its own driving hazards with deep snow, and wet mud laden roads from where tractors drag claggy earth from the fields on their exit. In the past I have assisted in pulling cars fitted with low profile tyres out of hedgerows, and snow banks; never requiring assistance myself, as I smugly plough through in all wheel drive. BUT: This morning as I caught the red powerful cat-like beast at rest, I felt a twinge of some thing run through my body. Even more so when the owner climbed back into the ‘cockpit’ and turned the engine over, which growled loudly then settled into a rumbling purrrrrrrr…XKRS_COUPE_15MY_Exterior_RHD_UK_cp_rs_h_a_itred-device_desktop-420x180_tcm91-62247_desktop_420x180

It was a big cat, the most powerful production sports car that Jaguar has ever produced, with a 5.0 litre V8 Supercharged 550 engine that can achieve 0-60 mph in just 4.2 seconds, and a top speed of 186 mph where permitted. (Garrowby Hill is not permitted). Yours from £97, 465-images 

Benedict Cumberbatch narrates Jaguar XKR-S  A stiff upper lip is key! I watched and listened as the big cat nudged onto the open country road, known locally as the five-mile dash, a favourite for top end speed machines as the road is straight as a pin. The big cat rumbled and then growled, as its 5 litre V8 supercharged engine opened up allowing the beast to disappear in two blinks of an eye. As I watched it turn into a little red dot, I recalled pulling a BMW saloon out of a ditch along the same road last Winter; the twinge disappeared as I remembered the shocked look on the BMW drivers face. Big wheels good, small wheels bad…                                Yours Aye.Good to be badBritish Villains drive a Jaguar XKR-S… ‘Oh yes, it’s good to be bad’ 

Who let the dog’s out, and ask yourself why?

article-2517461-19CD8A8200000578-544_964x719 A photographer has come up with an unusual pet project – snapping ecstatic dogs as they hang their heads out of car windows for a new calendar. Lara Jo Regan, 48, embarked on her task for the 2014 calendar ‘Dogs in cars’. The unusual shoot, which took place in Los Angeles, California, was aimed at exploring the unbridled joy experienced by pugs and huskies when a breeze hits their faces. Who let the dogs out? Calendar features deliriously happy pets indulging their passion for hanging out open car windows The true hazards of letting your pooch chill in the slipstream, a vast Veterinary £-$ bill. (With apologies to Lara Jo Regan for the unsavoury comment of earlier; whose heart is truly in the right place over animal welfare)

While a dog’s head is outside of the vehicle, anything coming too close to the car it is riding in becomes a danger ~ another car’s mirror, a sign, a mailbox, or even shrubbery. The chance of falling or jumping out of the window is great. Just because your dog hasn’t bolted out of the open car window before doesn’t mean he or she never will. Any temptation at all could present itself and even at city speeds hitting the pavement can be deadly. Getting hit by another car is almost guaranteed. A sudden turn, stop or swerve can throw your dog from the car with the same results. 267800-yes-a-dog-handing-out-of-a-car-window-portland-united-statesUnless your car is equipped with power window locks ~ and you use them, a dog standing on an armrest can inadvertently roll the window up on itself causing choking or severe injury. A power window motor is unyielding. A tiny speck of debris lodged in an eye can cause no small amount of discomfort and require medical attention. Larger debris such as rocks, glass or even bugs can do more to an eye than just cause discomfort ~ they have the potential to tear the eyeball open, resulting in blindness! Think about what happens when one of those items hits your windshield. There is also the potential for debris to enter into a dog’s ear and cause problems. The safest way to ride in the car with your dog is to keep it restrained. A window open just two to three inches ~ enough for a nosy nose to catch-all the passing scent’s while staying out of harm’s way is more than enough. Even riding the sun-roof can lead to severe injury, or decapitation through a rear shunt…


True dit: several years ago I was over taking a vehicle on a slow-moving dual carriageway, when I realised that the Golden retriever sat on the rear seat of the vehicle had the window rolled up crushing its throat, its eyes had rolled back, and for sure it was dying. I forced the vehicle to pull over and raced to the rear door and pulled the dog clear. Fortunately there was a really good Veterinary practice only a few hundred metres away, I jumped in with the dog and carried out canine CPR as I instructed the tearful owner to drive to the practice-PDQ.

Long story cut short…The dog survived with a soft tissue crush injury, the owner received a dressing down (from me) as well as a lecture from the senior Veterinary. Who also showed the owner a ‘horror photographic journal’ of dog injuries resulting from the practice of window-riding. “Split eyeballs, the actual removal of an eyeball from the cavity (from a small bird strike), split nose, premature blindness, eye damage caused through wind pressure, and long-term ear and nasal problems.

Please: Should you be an owner who allows your canine to ride the wind; I urge you to cease the practice now, no matter what your argument may be! If you need convincing, then sit in the back of a vehicle with your own face riding the wind, and see how long you last. If only one person heeds this friendly advice it will be worth it…            Yours Aye.

Previous comment removed on Lara Jo Regan, whose photographic work promotes animal welfare and safety at all times. It was never intended to create offence, simply to highlight the dangers attached to third parties allowing their pooches to window surf…  

Brute by name, Brute by nature…

FILSON American Expedition Vehicle (AEV) Brute Double Cab, Custom Jeep Wrangler.  A bespoke truck in the spirit of the Jeep Gladiator Concept & the Land Rover Defender 130 filson-brute-double-cab-jeepvthumb-201311-aev-brute-461″ x 60″ Cored Composite Bed: Stamped Steel Cab Closeout: Double Cab Hardtop: Double Cab Rocker Guards: AEV Double Cab Rear Bumper: AEV Water Pump Kit:AEV Under Mount Tire Kit: AEV ProCal: AEV Jack Base: AEV Badging: AEV Instrument Cluster: AEV Logo Headrest: AEV Serialized Build Plaque: AEV Premium Front Bumper: IPF 901 Off-Road Lights: AEV Front Skid Plate: AEV Winch Mount: Warn 9.5cti Winch: AEV Heat Reduction Hood: AEV 17″ Alloy Wheels: BFGoodrich 35″ Mud-Terrain Tires:      Filson Edition AEV Brute | Filsonfilson-aev-brute-5In creating the Brute, AEV stretched the wheelbase by 23 inches, created a custom back half of the cab body, and added a 61-by-60-inch cored composite bed. AEV favored the 3.6-liter V6 engine, good for 285 hp, along with a six-speed manual transmission for the project. AEV has also beefed up the suspension, along with adding a whole host of off-roading equipment, including a skid plate, off-road lights, a 9.5cti winch by Warn, and 17-inch wheels of AEV’s own design shod in BFGoodrich 35-inch Mud-Terrain tires, along with other modifications. The end product was a formidable machine that looked ready for use by the forestry service, serious hombres who may own a ranch incorporating buildings from a Gold Rush ghost town, and any individual who can have an hour-long discussion about the merits of different types of barbed wire.92098-alt-4

Enter outdoor goods company Filson, which has been catering to individuals who can have an hour-long discussion about the merits of different types of barbed wire for over 100 years. Filson had AEV throw in a 6.4-liter V8 instead of the 3.6-liter V6, and added their own materials to the interior, including their own signature leather for the reworked seats, dry finish tin cloth, and a pair of Rugged Twill bags. All the trail equipment available on the top model of the Brute remains, and the Filson edition Brute is finished in a custom forest green paint. The price of entry is $130,000 or in Great British Pounds £ 80,547 including the base vehicle used by AEV for the conversion.

You know you can justify it, so go ahead, order one today…      Yours Aye.

A Cadillac called ‘The Duchess’

A Cadillac called ‘The Duchess’, made for Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson, set to fetch £500,000 after 60 years out of the public eye article-2476915-18EF352E00000578-896_964x460An historic Cadillac built for the Duke and Duchess of Windsor is expected to sell for the princely sum of up to £500,000 after surfacing for the first time in 60 years. article-2476915-18F926F900000578-94_964x960The jet black American built car cost a staggering $16,000 (£9,900) when the former King bought it new in 1941. It was one of the first cars to have electric windows and is decked out with jewellery compartments, cigar lighters, wool carpets and walnut finish.article-2476915-18F9267200000578-632_964x743Here I sit drooling with envy over the ‘The Duchess’ who just oozes class and style. She’s way out of my league...     Yours Aye.

Rally cam 8.3 miles = 6 mins 42 secs

If ever you are thinking of visiting Scotland for a break, visit Edinburgh for a few days. If you fancy a real outdoors break visit the Western Isle of Mull where you can walk, cycle. climb, swim, fish, eat, drink, and be merry among some of the warmest friendliest people in Scotland. It has castles and distilleries to explore, as well as provides some of the most scenic back drops for art and photography. The wild life around the Isle is second to none; sea otter’s, sea eagles, dolphins, whales, etc, etc. Duart Castle Isle of Mullduart_castle_mull_scotland_7101It also pro-ports to have the finest fast Car Rally ‘in the world’ in the shape of the yearly Mull Rally In which this week, Peter Taylor, 22, made it around the 8.3 mile stretch of the picturesque island of Mull in just six minutes and 42 seconds. Despite being faced with the challenge of a series of hair raising bends and even a new chicane on the island’s narrow single track road, Taylor and his co-driver flew around the course, winning richly deserved praise from rally fansSit back and fasten your seat belts & watch the incredible back seat video of the record breaking rally run  Sick bag not supplied   Yours Aye.article-2467163-18D72F6900000578-202_636x382