Lead scout – dog tired…

Stood to‘Lead scout’ had a long day chasing after crows, rabbits, pheasants, as well as patrolling the surrounding fields.

Five minutes to a bright winter sunset, and ‘casually’ stood to!Going Stood down – and going…

Going 2








Sleep comes easy to those who work their tail off… Especially when they zig-zag two miles for each one I walk – today was a long walk.       Yours Aye.

The tears of a dog…

article-2954572-25A25DB600000578-924_636x662Unwanted dog abandoned at a train station with just a tray filled with water. A dog abandoned outside a train station with nothing but a takeaway tray of water appeared to be so sad at being cast aside – it almost looks as though he is crying… The black Staffordshire Bull Terrier-type dog was abandoned outside Eastbourne Railway Station, tied to the railing and left with just a small pot of water by his owner who fled in a taxi. A photo of the animal, looking forlorn, has been shared dozens of times on the internet with people calling for help for the ‘crying’ dog. The dog was found whining and pining for his owner after patiently waiting by the railing for more than an hour on February 11 – in the hope that he would return.

It’s easy to judge someone over such an action without knowing the full circumstances. This little chap looks well enough, though judging by the length of his claws I would say he’s not walked on hard ground too often. I would even go so far as to say he is a pure Staffie, and not crossed in any way. No doubt the publicity will gain him a good home pretty soon. There’s always room for one more within my humble abode…     Yours Aye.

‘Please look down and see me, please don’t walk on by I’m cold and wet and hungry, I know not the reason why… I’m young, so young, and helpless, and tethered to this tree By a heartless previous owner whose anger fractured me…’

‘I promise not to howl, if just given one more chance Oh please look down and see me, just a sideways glance… Time has passed so slowly, since I cowered ‘neath’ this tree My warmth is fast disappearing, adding to my misery… My breed type works against me, I know not the reason why Please give me one more chance – I promise not to cry…’ ANON

PETA spouting poppycock

aquariummainThree of Britain’s biggest aquariums have come under fire for serving fish and chips in their restaurants – despite promoting conservation of marine life.

The National Marine Aquarium in Plymouth, The Deep in Hull and Blue Planet Aquarium, Cheshire, all received letters from animal rights charity, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)“After inviting people to look on these glorious, fascinating animals in awe, it’s odd that your cafe then invites people to stick a fork in them.” The letters condemn the popular attractions for serving seafood, comparing it to ‘serving monkey nuggets at a zoo’.fish-and-chips-1024x967

Oh for pity’s sake – no wonder the organisation is constantly ridiculed (and rightly so!)

Thank Gawd it’s Thursday, because tomorrow is ‘fish & chips Friday’ and just like every Friday I’ll be having ‘guilt free’ fish & chips for supper…  

Yours Aye.  

Hulk ~ Worlds biggest pit-bull terrier?

2582D15700000578-0-image-m-2_1423488445158Meet Hulk, the world’s biggest pit bull weighing in at an incredible 12-and-a-half stone (174lbs). The enormous hound is owned by Dark Dynasty K9s, from New Hampshire, which specialises in breeding some of the world’s most fearsome guard dogs. Hulk, who towers above his handlers when standing on his hind legs, has now become an internet star after footage of him uploaded to YouTube racked up around 1.1 million in just one week. Is this the world’s biggest pit-bull terrier?

I would humbly offer that ‘Hulk’ and his siblings derive from Mastiff x Pit-bull stock. The question is; “Where does he sleep?” ~ Answer: “Anywhere he bloody well wants too!”   Yours Aye.

Jock the Marmalade Cat

2501A77F00000578-0-image-a-8_1422117325938It was a dying request of wartime Prime Minister Winston Churchill that there should always be a marmalade cat called Jock living a ‘comfortable’ life at his former home. But the latest incumbent, Jock VI, has been banned from large parts of the house  




Winston Churchill’s favourite spread on morning toast was MACKAYS The Dundee Orange ‘Marmalade.’    Yours Aye.

‘Space for Giants’

Armed to the teeth, a small group of brave wildlife rangers fighting to save elephants – from terrorists: A dramatic and very personal dispatch from the frontline of an increasingly bloody conflict against poachers funding Islamic fanatics.Evgeny Lebedev with a patrol of Northern Rangelands Trust wildlife rangers, Kenya.jpgThe author Evgeny Lebedev pictured with a group of armed wildlife rangers in Kenya

As African wildlife continues to be slaughtered, a group of conservationists are waging war on the terrorist poachers currently killing African elephants to fund their criminal activities. Rangers from protection charity Space for Giants armed with automatic rifles, night-vision goggles and closed-frequency radios, are engaged in a war with the poachers which has claimed the lives of 1,000 rangers in the past decade.238D5E7A00000578-0-image-a-2_1417647266696Dramatic personal dispatch from the frontline on the increasingly bloody conflict against poachers funding fanatics…

* This year alone 36,000 elephants will be killed across the African continent:
* Demand for ivory across Asia’s burgeoning middle classes is increasing:
* African charity Space for Giants is armed to defend animals using force:
* Militarised conservation groups are engaging in firefight’s with poachers:
* Poachers include fanatics of Al-Shabaab and the Lord’s Resistance Army:
* Some 1,000 wildlife rangers have been killed in the past decade:

My ‘penny’ jar was emptied with the contents forwarded on to ‘Space for Giants,’ and there is more to follow on…      Yours Aye.

‘Pigeon creates shock and awe’

The early morning ‘canine ablution’ perambulation was a mighty quick one this day, as the first deep frost of the year came as a shock to the system. It was quite obvious from their breakneck speed that each canine sought the warmth of their winter beds – from whence they came. I was more than happy to comply with their speedy exit as it was well below freezing… Fifteen minutes later I was sitting at my desk slurping scalding hot tea ‘Obama style’ (laid back in my ‘ezee’ chair with feet perched upon the desk) where I was joined by Nipper, who jumped onto the window ledge to follow my gaze outdoors. All appeared well with the world; unfortunately my view of the large wood-pigeon flying towards the window was fully obstructed by Nipper, who in turn was eyeing up a rabbit below.DSC_0030Under normal circumstances this type of heavy feathered bomber would veer off and avoid the triple glazing of my humble abode – ‘it being the only humble abode for miles around.’ But this morning’s inbound ‘Columba palumbus’ must have suffered an onboard processor malfunction, as it crashed bang-smack into the window – a classic Looney Tune collision! Which prompted Nipper to leap off the window ledge in shock, where he continued a wall of death charge around the office and promptly landed atop my chest. I in turn emptied the full cup of tea onto my lap – then also leapt up in shock to sprint around the office – dropping my jeans around my ankles en-route (whilst wailing like a screaming banshee.) Shuffling ‘at the double’ towards the shower, I quickly tore the hose from off the shower head and sprinkled down my nether regions. The effect was immediate, cooling, and blissful… 

‘Columba palumbus’ survived the impact and tarried a while, it continued with its flight program ten minutes later. Just another morning of shock and awe in East Yorkshire… Yours Aye.

Ozzy Pawsbourne the Prince of Barkness

2360197200000578-0-image-15_1416590743804An English bulldog in Upstate New York is ‘pawsitively’ living up to his rock star name, quickly becoming the viral video of the week after enjoying a ride in a swing set at a park in Kingston. The pet of a die-hard Black Sabbath fan, ‘Ozzy Pawsbourne the Prince of Barkness’ almost looks to be smiling in the funny footage of him swinging. However owner Jesse Citron admitted to having reservations in making the clip public, fearing a possible animal cruelty backlash. His daughter Sophie, 5 (pictured), is the biggest fan of the video, Citron said…_39285441_ozzy_ap203  ‘Pawsitively’ hilarious: English Bulldog named ‘Ozzy Pawsbourne the Prince of Barkness’ enjoys a ride in a swing! 

The ‘real’ English ‘Ozzy’ right – minus a huge amount of brain cells…      Yours Aye.

Police Dog Saves Officers Life

Police Dog Saves Officers Life
The driver of the suspect vehicle steps out as instructed when the Deputy observes the butt of a gun the driver is trying to get out from his waistline. The passenger door opens and the second suspect steps out into dead ground armed with a length of pipe, which is when the Deputy hits his remote door release for his K9 partner to engage the second suspect. 

Without instruction the K9 deploys from the police car and takes on the threatening passenger taking him down just before the suspect hits the deputy from behind – at the same time the Deputy engages and shoots the first suspect as he pulls the gun from his waistband. The Deputy observes the K9 attack, and then returns to the incapacitated driver and removes the gun from his hand and tosses it away, before going back and securing the second suspect.

I have said it often; there are good and bad Police Officers, the ‘good ones’ far outshine the bad, and also outnumber them on a higher ratio. Fortunately this good guy had a bloody good K9 backing him up – a canine B.Z. for K9…      Yours Aye.

And pigs might fly-PETA!

1414953964675_wps_25_CONTAINS_NUDITY_128539_NeDozens of PETA supporters strip off for central London protest against meat-eating on World Vegan Day.  Around 100 PETA supporters laid in Trafalgar square, covered in fake blood, in order to draw a comparison between the bodies of animals and those of humans. The animal rights organisation hope the stunt will encourage more to stop eating meat and use animal products. ‘Animals feel pain, fear, love and joy, just as humans do, yet billions of them are killed every year for products that are poisoning the environment and contributing to the UK’s obesity epidemic’, says PETA Director Mimi Bekhechi. ‘PETA is challenging people to think about the massive toll that the meat industry takes on animals, the Earth and human health – and to go vegan.’ PETA-supporters-strip! 1414952322007_Image_galleryImage_epa04472138_PETA_supporteFlying PigIt’s enough to put a man off his morning bacon sandwich – NOT! 

I personally know three vegan’s, and to be honest each time I bump into them I always think “There’s more meat on a jockey’s whip after the Grand National!” The vegan’s above must live close by to a Guinness brewery – or they are in the wrong protest (save the whale from the Japanese fishing fleet is on the next street along – doh!)

Each to their own…  I was thinking of going vegetarian…  And pigs might fly! Does that mean the price of bacon is going up?   Yours Aye.

His (Dead) Masters Voice

Top of the dogs… HMV’s ‘Nipper’ gets a blue plaque: His Master’s Voice hound tribute to be unveiled next month. Nipper, the famous HMV dog, has been immortalised with his own blue plaque in London. The terrier cross was painted in 1899 sitting with his ear to a wind-up gramophone and featured on hundreds of millions of records produced by the HMV label over more than a century. His place in musical history was marked at a special ceremony last week organised by the British Plaque Trust and attended by executives from HMV, which stands for His Master’s Voice.1414872546454_Image_galleryImage_Handout_photo_issued_by_H

The plaque will be unveiled to the public early next month. Nipper (1884-1895) had many superstar fans in the world of music, with artists as varied as Elvis, The Beatles and leading classical performers posing with his image. The plaque will be displayed at the Cavalry and Guards Club, 126 Piccadilly, Central London, where artist Francis Barraud, the dog’s final owner, painted Nipper from memory.

1414872559014_wps_3_Blue_Plaque_for_Nipper_thDisc gramophones first appeared in the 1890s and by 1902 the forerunner to HMV, the Gramophone Company, was taking shape. The first HMV store opened in July 1921 on Oxford Street. In 1931 the Gramophone Company, with its His Master’s Voice record label, merged with the Columbia Gramophone Company to form Electric and Musical Industries Ltd (EMI), meaning that Nipper not only featured on the HMV label, but also on associated brands including RCA Victor and Deutsche Grammophon. The British Plaque Trust raises funds for blue plaques to commemorate personalities and organisations that have contributed to the British way of life. By David Wigg for THE MAIL ON SUNDAY

Miscellaneous Information from yours truly… Nipper, and the record player, were originally mounted on top of a coffin lid – hence the shiny wooden reflective surface he’s sat upon. The original advert read; “His Dead Masters Voice” – which proved too upsetting around the time of various British Colonial wars, as well as WW1. So the word ‘Dead’ was dropped (to improve sales) and the advert changed to ‘His Masters Voice.’ Upon Nipper’s death in 1895 he was buried in Kingston upon Thames in a small park surrounded by magnolia trees.Nipper dreaming

When a branch of ‘Lloyds-Trustee Savings Bank’ was built on the site, a brass plaque was added commemorating the famous terrier that lies beneath the building. On 10th March 2010, a small road near to the dog’s resting place in Kingston-upon-Thames was named ‘Nipper Alley’ in commemoration of this famous resident.  Which is a bit of a coincidence, as I call the stone path flanked by high hedgerow ‘Nipper Alley’ after the Jack Russell-Staffie X above – who uses it to catch and despatch adult ‘Jaspers’ when he bolts along it into the field. Who ever said ‘Butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth’ at the rescue centre almost got it right?   Yours Aye.

Where’s Wally ~ Where’s Waldo

Profuse apologies as the following ‘dit’ was intended for issue late Sunday evening, so put your clocks back 24 hours, and kindly read on…

I rose with the sun this morning, having taken the sleep of a dead man – a full seven hours straight without so much as an eye flicker; the first time in as many years that was accredited to a lot of back-breaking work outdoors preparing for winter. As the dogs ‘eased springs’ in their ablution yard I prepped a walking breakfast of bacon, bacon, and more bacon – set within two huge doorsteps of bread. Making up a large flask of tea for good measure, I also packed two fig rolls for guilty pleasure, as well as two large bonio’s for the canines. Speaking of ‘guilt.’Thirty pieces of silver

The guilt I suffer when fitting the harnesses onto Hannah and Nipper as Gentleman Joss looks on is enormous. I know what Judas Iscariot felt like when he was paid his thirty pieces of silver! Sadly Joss would never be able to keep up, and I explain the same to him each and every time, though I know it only makes me feel better by doing so. At least when we return from each morning jolly, Joss gets a decent plod around the fields at his own speed, unhindered by the two young whirling dervishes. it also allows me to talk to him about our past adventures together, which allows me to mentally hand back the silver a piece at a time.622px-Lassie_Jon_Provost_1961

The morning’s jolly was a decent four miles over hill and through dale, with a leisurely breakfast stop in the bright Autumn sunshine. As it was so quiet I decided on walking the last two miles back along the small country lane that leads through the tiny village close to my humble abode. Strangely enough I came across a scene straight from a Lassie film; a group of villagers were formed into a huddle in the small car park of the village hall (Lassie’s young master ‘Timmy Martin’ was missing, and this was the local search and rescue party!)

Someone from the small gathering handed me an A4 flier with faded ink; ‘MISSING CAT’ (that had a faded picture of the missing ‘black’ cat beneath the bold header) The cat looked dark in places, yet also a reddish pink around the gills and ears, with kidney problem yellow eyes. Magenta can be a cruel ink when it wants to be…Wally Woo-Woo

‘MISSING CAT’ Very friendly cat, answers to the name of ‘WALLY’ Missing since 12th October. Please could you check your sheds, garages, barns, etc, etc… Organised search requesting volunteers at the village hall at 10am – 19th October. Oh Bugger! I had now involuntary press-ganged myself into the search and rescue party, which was purely through over-staying at my earlier breakfast stop by fifteen minutes.

Folk around Yorkshire are a priceless quaint lot, who take village life and social responsibilities very serious, under such circumstances they answered the call and rallied around to help out an emotionally worn down elderly lady. For all we knew poor Timmy Martin ‘Wally’ could have fallen down an old mine shaft, or lay unconscious at the edge of a stream with the water level slowly rising. In fact looking around, I was the only involuntary volunteer with canines – so where the blooming heck was Lassie…? After being presented with designated search areas, our last offered instructions were the owners telephone number, and the fact that ‘Wally’ also responded to the call of ‘Wally Woo-Woo,’ even more so when he was hungry.

My task was to make a detour across several fields to search the old brick and wooden barns that lay semi-derelict. As I plodded on towards my mission I could hear voices echoing in the nearby woodland that sounded like owls calling out to each other. There was no way this side of the black stump that I was going to call out Wally’s dinner name, even though my only escort were the canines Hannah and Nipper.Hanah Snell

Speaking of which, when we arrived at the old barns I slipped Nipper’s lead off, and allowed him to sniff search the buildings as he was initially brought up with a couple of cats. My theory being he may be more curious towards Wally’s returned cat wail – should he somehow be trapped within.

Hannah remained on a short lead, as she was given the name Hannah Snell for a reason. (Hannah tends to shoot first with her jaws, and then asks questions – hence the end of the rat problem outside of my humble abode!)

After scouring the barn to no avail, I called the given number to state ‘building clear.’ Only to be informed that ‘Wally’ had been found in the locked Church opposite the village hall, and it would appear that he was none the worse for his seven-day ‘lock in.’ Which made me automatically think that the Church (circa 1135) no longer had a mouse problem, and the holy water in the stone font may well have aided a feline miracle. The Church may well have a feline aromatic toiletry problem in place instead

All was not lost on my behalf, as I found a treasure trove throughout my search; several pieces of old horse brass, two old Victorian chimney pots, and hand rolled glass window panes. All of which I have since purchased from the farmer at a steal-give away price, and there’s more to be found with full permission granted to boot. ‘Wally Woo-Woo,’ in more ways than one you are a bloody lucky black cat mate…     Yours ‘Smugly’ Aye.

When nature speaks loudest

It has to be said that I don’t really have a sweet tooth, as I much prefer fresh fruit to candy or chocolate, however; through the day I do enjoy a McVitie’s digestive biscuit with a cup of tea. My after midnight ‘cuppa-char’ tends to bring out the beast in me, as I ditch the digestive for a Jacobs fig roll, after which all is well with the world. Except on Sunday morning just gone, when I discovered the biscuit tin/cookie jar was emptier than a Presidential promise!  The previous night I had absent-mindedly left the afore-mentioned storage vessel on the small side table next to my easy chair, with the lid insecure.jacobs1.JPG

Twelve of Jacobs finest were missing, and soon enough nature would tell me which of the three canines had mooched them away in the wee silent hours. It was soon obvious that Joss was not in on the act, as he ‘performed’ his constitutional duty in time-honoured fashion by ‘easing springs’ diligently, efficiently, and with dignity – as befits an older dog of war. As always I bagged and ditched natures by-product, as I keep the canine yard disinfected and as immaculate as the parade ground at the Commando Training Centre.  And then…pro-kolin+_30ml

So violent was the rear blast from Hannah, that she almost took off like a released balloon swirling through the air without a tied knot. I put the empty bag back in my pocket, and reached for the high pressure hose knowing I had one guilty canine before me.

images-1Nipper remained impassive, and simply stared up into the heavens as a murder of crows flew noisily by, and then without warning he lit up his single after burner and almost joined them. It was obvious from the spluttering after burner that Nipper had got to the biscuit tin/cookie jar first; quite obvious! And so it came to pass, that the guilty pair’s self-inflicted punishment  continued intermittently throughout the morning. Sunday was not a day of rest in my humble abode…

Fortunately as the day grew longer my good friend Pro Kolin assisted in settling the mood. Sadly I had to settle for a digestive with my after midnight ‘cuppa-char,’ which was a lesson learned, and not one to be repeated ever again.      Yours ‘negligently’ Aye.

Catula a feline vampire-fangs very much!

A rescue home cat has finally found loving owners after people were put off by his Dracula-like fangs. Timmy, a nine-year-old black cat, has an enormous pair of front teeth which stick out of his mouth like a vampire. 1412264643645_wps_33_Timmy_the_cat_who_has_fan

The nine-year-old moggy was taken into the Blue Cross re-homing centre in Lewknor, Oxfordshire, around three months ago. There were fears he might never find a home because of his bloodthirsty look, with most cats finding owners within a month.

Count ‘Catula’ Timmy the black cat with enormous vampire like teeth has now been adopted by a family. 

What a combination, flick claws, vampire fangs, night camouflage, night vision, and stealth. The only way ‘Timmy’ could pose more of a threat would be if he was armed with a 12 gauge shotgun…  Yours Aye. 

Head down, chest out, and charge…

DSC_0017This mornings early hedgerow walk with Nipper resulted in numerous lumps and bumps around his eyes, snout, muzzle, and chest, that have since stopped irritating thanks to a solution of ‘Anthisan’ wash and cream. The lumpy rash being the grand result of stinging nettles brought about from his constant rabbit hole foraging.

He is totally fearless when it comes to the chase, each of which results in failure, as it’s the chase that matters, not the capture. Although he returns upon command I fear he will attempt a crack at the rabbits that use their escape route through the wild rose patch, the thorns of which are true wait-a-while’s. (You will ‘wait a while’ until someone cuts you free!)wait awhile thorns

Drastic times call for drastic measures… Personally I would never dress my Staffie’s up for show though each have their own black harness that obviously is a practical piece of kit for the great outdoors. Last summer in broad daylight I saw a ‘French Poodle’ being walked through a park in York. Unbelievably the owner and the dog were wearing matching coloured outfits, the dog was dressed in a purple tutu, while the owner wore a purple T-shirt, and matching skinny jeans. It being a French Poodle the sight didn’t take me by surprise, some things are meant to be?  ;-)  Boxer model shown belowDoggles-Dog-Goggles-1I have since spent over an hour trawling the w.w.w. perusing various items that may well save Nipper from himself. My solution to Nipper’s harrying tactics may prove comical, but it could prove practical in the long run. It is with a heavy heart that I place the order…. Yours Aye.

Justin Beiber ‘Baby’

188159-1Man saved from bear attack – thanks to his Justin Bieber ringtone! FISHERMAN Igor Vorozhbitsyn is lucky to be alive – after his Justin Bieber ringtone went off while he was being attacked by a bear. 

Mr Vorozhbitsyn, 42, thought he was a goner when the brown bear pounced on him as he was walking to a favourite fishing spot in northern Russia’s Yakutia Republic. But as the bear began to claw at him, Mr Vorozhbitsyn’s mobile went off and the beast turned tail and fled back into the forest.

Wildlife experts believe the ringtone – according to local media the singer’s hit ‘Baby’ – must have startled the bear into halting its attack. “Sometimes a sharp shock can stop an angry bear in its tracks and that ringtone would be a very unexpected sound for a bear,” explained one.     ‘Baby Justin’ apos-ser-preso-por-dirigir-alcoolizado-justin-bieber-virou-piada-na-internet-a-foto-onde-aparece-sorrindo-ao-ser-fichado-virou-alvo-de-montagens-feitas-pelos-internautas-1390519679735_500x500 Mr Vorozhbitsyn suffered from cuts and severe bruises to his face and chest and was rescued when he was found by other fishermen after using the phone to call for help. Mr Vorozhbitsyn – now recovering from his mauling – said: “I had parked my car and was walking towards the spot I’d marked out when there was a tremendous impact on my back and the bear was on top of me. “I couldn’t believe my luck when the phone went off and he fled. “I know that sort of ringtone isn’t to everyone’s taste but my granddaughter loaded it onto my phone for a joke,” he added.

He’s one brave honest man owning up like that! I’d rather have let the bear eat me than admit to having a Justin Beiber ring tone on my mobile phone… ;-)          Yours Aye.

Original story from the Daily Express Published: Tue, August 5, 2014