The Navy, Some Pantyhose, and an Inconvenient Typhoon

Capt.Archibald JonesIn the Navy, during a brief, very often the term BLUF is used. It means bottom-line-up-front. As in, wot’s this all ’bout? So, here’s yar bluf: Pantyhose has many uses.

For the last six weeks, I’ve been working a job that folks in my career field fortunately (and medium-rarely) do not work. While I am in a technical track, this is more of a generalized job task. It has not been in any way enjoyable, but life (and the Navy) could be unpleasant at times. And I accept it as part of the job and adventure. If there’s been one advantage, it has been in interacting with Sailors that I might have not otherwise worked with.

The good news, I am all done with training. All I have left is a board, chaired by the Captain this Thursday. Last week, I took the “murder board” and it went well. I was supposed to receive my real board last week, but the Captain was out of town. (Argh, Captain!) And then my board was moved to tomorrow. Now with the approaching typhoon (yes, you read that correctly, typhoon, and not one of these bad-boys) it has been pushed back again.

A Ship CaptainToday, I caught the Captain at the vending machines and I could not help myself. With a concerned, studious look (that may be my actual look), I asked him: Any tips, sir?

About your upcoming board? Don’t be too confident, too meek. Be confident but not loud. And don’t hold back information if you know the answer. 

I nodded. Yes, sir.

And if you don’t know any of the questions, just say you don’t know the answer. Don’t try to bs your way through like some previous boardees.

Yes, sir.

You’ll do fine. And off he went.

500 yen coinI mulled his words while I tried to get my 500 yen coin (yes Virginia, there really is a 5 dollar coin) to work in the vending machine. I had a hankerin’, with all me studying, that only a Royal Milk Tea could baby.

Ladies and gentlemen of the blog, no arguments please – it is scientific fact. Royal Milk Tea is a near-magic soother of all that ails you. Truthfully, I’ve only recently discovered the stuff. It is like a magic potion. For all you borderline nerdish types, it gives you +2 on your charisma points*. Fact, I am standing up and walking to my fridge right now. To get my charisma filled up. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. +2.

Note to the wikipeadeans among/amongst you, consider putting this addendum at the end of the Royal Milk Tea section in Wikipedia: October 2013, amidst a very challenging typhoon, a recently quiet blogger discovered the magic of milk tea and was transformed back into his gregarious blogging self. He also took a shining to referring to himself in third-person, a fact that annoyed 42% of all people reading his post. Darn him. . .

kirin milk teaLet’s review the current info on said tea:

To make the tea, water and tea (about 1 to 3 teaspoons of tea a cup, depending how strong the drinker likes) are brought to a boil then simmered for about 3–6 minutes. The tea is usually put in a sackcloth bag before the water is added to the pot to filter it out or if no bag available poured through a strainer. Many people also remove the pot from the heat once it boils for about 3 minutes, then bring the pot to a boil again. This process can be repeated several times, intensifying the caffeine/flavor.

The key feature of Hong Kong-style milk tea is that a sackcloth bag is used to filter the tea leaves. However any other filter/strainer may be used to filter the tea. Sackcloth bags are not completely necessary but generally preferred. The bag, reputed to make the tea smoother, gradually develops an intense brown colour as a result of prolonged tea drenching.

dog in pantyhose

Together with the shape of the filter, it resembles a silk stocking, giving Hong Kong-style milk tea the nickname of “pantyhose” or “silk stocking” milk tea (Chinese: 絲襪奶茶). This nickname is used in Hong Kong but less so in mainland China and overseas communities.

Pantyhose? Pffffffft. (Computer screen suddenly covered in said milk tea!) Nevermind. Do NOT drink the stuff. It is poison, brewed by the locals with unimaginable, not-yet-discovered consequences.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming – once I am done with this board, I move onto my real job. This was just an extra qual to have me as a back-up watch-stander in case I am needed in a pinch. (Like on St. Patrick’s Day.) Welcome to the Navy, shipmate. Now get to work doing something not your job. Truthfully, everything in the Navy is “your” job. Or put more precisely, my job is exactly what the bosses tell me it is. Ahhh, no use bitchin’. No one will listen. . . Except you. . .

Warhammer OnlineBefore you high-jump and Fosbury Flop to any conclusions about Sailors** and role-playing games involving many-sided die or drawers of mini dwarves (figurines), know that a new friend over here in Japan, a Marine Captain no less, spent nearly a third of his last paycheck on Warhammer figurines, books, gadgets. I decided (very charitably) to tip him off to a bike his size being sold up in Tokyo for a ridiculously low price. Of course, it was Marine Corps olive green. And he went uptown and bought the thing. Score: Sailor cyclists 1, Jarhead nerds 0.

Sailor and Marine** It is a common psychological occurrence among certain bashful bloggers faced with the silky realization that they’ve been drinkin’ pantyhose-infused tea, to immediately turn and try to transfer their shame onto their lil sister service. This is called “saving face.” It has been known to work, provided the readers are not aware of its employment.

I shall keep an eye out for such a sickly and shameful man-ooooh-ver and inform you immediately if any transference occurs. Standby. Raised tea-pinkies at the ready. This will not happen on my watch. That much I can assure you. . .

29 thoughts on “The Navy, Some Pantyhose, and an Inconvenient Typhoon”

  1. I would think that pantyhose would work well for filtering tea as long as the pantyhose were not used. Although I’ve heard that people pay big bucks to drink coffee made from beans pooped out by elephants or some other critter. In Ecuador we drank jungle tea called guayusa tea. Good stuff with a good kick. I don’t want to know where they got it or the water from which it was brewed.

    By the way, another good use for pantyhose is for warmth. Silk is a great for keeping you warm and pantyhose are less bulky than long underwear. I’ve known guys who wore them under their ski pants. Kind of sexy too.

    1. By the way, another good use for pantyhose is for warmth.

      I’m here to tell ya that is NOT true, Lou. Paula talked me into wearing some of her pantyhose when we were up in NoDak and all my long underwear were in the dirty clothes hamper. So I did… and froze my arse off. The nylon seemed to AMPLIFY the cold and I swore I’d be damned if I ever did THAT again.

      Just my $0.02.

  2. Amusing little anecdote, Navy One; I guess we’ll keep ya for now….we’ll put your future fashion designer potential on the the back burner….living in the Dallas area, I don’t see a need for those panty hose, but I have used them for purposes other than the intended ones while here….what else was I gonna do while walking the Nordic Track and the neighborhood….my new doctor says for someone my age, I’m in phenomenal shape…I wish I were so optimistic….k

  3. I have noshed on other things that have been covered by pantyhose, so why not tea, too? I will look this up as I could use some soothing right now.

  4. Royal Milk Tea… ? Made with hot condensed as well as evaporated milk. It must be as sweet as the sugar cane that pandas eat!

    As a base layer I would thoroughly recommend Helly-Hanson, or some thing similar. Its the first thing I put on for out door walks on a minus degrees winter day. Tights (as women call pantyhose over here) are only any good if they-re the right denier, and its no good trying to get away with wearing the sparkling diamante crystal covered type; thats known as cross dressing; Harrumph!

    NavyOne you be careful over there with those weird Japanese customs…


    Yours Aye.

  5. Kris: “We’ll keep ya!” Haha! Okay. . . I’ll bet your doc is right.
    CP: Heh heh, somehow I sensed that was going to appear in the comments.
    Buck: Thanks! I appreciate it. . .
    EB: It is oddly delicious. I can’t quite explain it.
    Lauren: Howdy! (Waving back from Japan. . .)

  6. ” I’ve been working a job that folks in my career field fortunately (and medium-rarely) do not work. ”

    Sounds mysterious. Latrine duty?

    As for that tea – better to die against the wall at dawn, I submit.

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