Naked Dudes and Flat Tires: Wassup!

Naked Dudes and Flat TiresAs I type this, I am sitting in Panera. It is four in the afternoon and I am waiting patiently, in uniform, for the tire repair shop across the street to finish patching my tire. Twenty minutes ago, I drove over a piece of chain-link fence, giving me a very slow leak. The tired tire guy sprayed the hole with Windex where I pulled the piece of chain-link out and indeed the puncture was bubbling.

At the repair shop, a man walked up to me with an excuse me, sir? He then thanked me for me service. In a very heartfelt, humble way. I shook his hand and thanked him with a it’s my honor and privilege.  

And then just ten minutes ago, as I am waiting to cross the street, three Hispanic high school kids chatted me up. Hey, one of them asked,  Army or Navy? He wore rosary beads around his neck and his hair was spiky.

Navy, I replied.

Wassup! he yelled. YELLED. 

I ignored him. Even though one of his buddies talked about joining the Air Force. I’d no time for silliness. I had to get over to Panera to hit my orange juice. And to write this.

As for my title and naked dudes,  I was at my gym this morning, changing into my uniform after a great workout. Someone several lockers away bellowed, excuse me. I ignored him. I did not know anyone at that Encinitas gym. The heavy rains had necessitated that I take different roads to the freeway. So I decided to drive over to the coast. Good thing I belong to a gym with locations all over San Diego.

Soldier! the man insisted.

Naked Dudes and Flat TiresI guess he was talking to me. Yes, I replied turning to a naked dude.

Thanks for doing what you do. And he shook my hand.

Just writing this, makes me shake my head. Naked dudes and flat tires, WASSUP!

Update: I really must thank Evans Tires for doing the job for free! Great Americans, all of them.

8 thoughts on “Naked Dudes and Flat Tires: Wassup!

  1. Ell Tee – shouldn’t be surprised. .05% of the American population protects the other 99.5. Why should they be able to identify a military service by uniform? If it’s not on Facebook it doesn’t exist.

  2. Owhhhhhhhhh!!!… Naked handshakes… get a a firm grip and look him straight in the eye!

    Quick dit!
    I was once waiting for a mate at Plymouth railway station one mid afternoon in winter; wearing a Jersey Wool Heavy (aka a ‘woolly pully’) that clearly identified me as a Royal Marines Commando (due to the CDO flash on each shoulder)
    http://www.meanandgreen.com/images/products/large/1641.2.jpg

    As I waited patiently minding my own business two youths in their late teens (who were obviously in drink~and plenty of it) were pestering me for spare loose change;
    “Oi ‘private’ help us out mate, got any loose shrapnel you don’t want”?

    “No sorry mate; not on me” replied I in a courteous manner, as I moved away further down the platform to observe from a distance, less assistance was required to steam in… They tried to tap every person on the busy platform for the same, which eventually led them to me again?

    “Come on soldier boy help us out”… slowly the red mist started rising just as an announcement was made declaring the train as being delayed by twenty minutes-oh great!

    I then spoke to them both and explained in great detail the difference between the two services, and pointed out my CDO flashes, which received a reply of “so what” from one of the halfwits. I knew we were about to go to the next level (punching stations) which I really did not want to do due to the crowded platform, which included women and children.

    Instead I enticed them to what looked like a wooden louvered utility cupboard, which as luck had it was unlocked~for my sins I bundled them both into it and wedged a small brush handle into the keep, locking them both in.

    Kicks, obscenities, and shouts of “I-weel-keel-you” rained out from the little lock up until eventually all was quiet. Not being the sort of person to panic I sauntered back casually and peeked inside. They were both fast asleep on what looked like old matting and sacking; I removed the brush handle just as my mates train approached the platform; where upon I walked over to a British Transport Bobby (who had appeared from no where and looked as if he had nothing to do).

    I explained that I had watched two drunken yobs enter the ‘said’ wooden louvered utility cupboard, and further explained that they were still in there? I left the Bobby to execute his duty, which he promptly did.

    Only a service person can understand the excruciating feeling of being mis-identified, which is even more ‘en-buggering’ when you have to explain through gritted teeth the why’s and why nots of your particular service…

    NavyOne I for one empathise over your predicament; in particular the hand shake, which if done correctly in a manly fashion would effect the noticeable swing of his ‘toggle & two’. You certainly stood tall and took one for your service… ;-)

    Yours Aye

    • Ever and always, the Grand Philosopher, Ex Bootneck…my, your days have been filled with adventures both large and small….I can just see it….k

  3. My experiences with naked men usually resulted from excessive consumption of intoxicants (on their part) followed by arrests involving much wrestling and attempts at avoiding man parts contamination (on my part). As Dean Wormer once opined;
    Drunk, naked and handcuffed is no way to go through life. Though that may have been Joe Friday.

  4. Struan: It is so obvious, I am wearing blue camouflage! Did they not see the movie Battleship?
    Kris: Thanks for your optimism!
    EB: I am not 100% sure he was au naturel. But still, I kept my wings level. And great job on the local miscreants. Lock ‘em up!
    Six: I do not envy you. A cop’s job is a tough one.
    Lauren: That is true. I sensed a blogpost as it was occurring. Life imitating art. Or something close to art. . .

  5. Navy One, Ex Bootneck: Wonderful stories and masterfully narrated! Truth is often stranger than fiction.

    Ex Bootneck: And through these blogs I’m starting to learn British slang. “Toggle and two”: a great expression. I had never come across it before. Is a “yob” a boy, spelled backwards?

    Six: You say “A cop’s job is a tough one.” It instantly reminded me of the line from a Gilbert & Sullivan musical piece: “A policeman’s lot is not a happy one.”

    Lauren: Your comment, “Tough days make for interesting blogs,” reminds me of what I’m told is an ancient Chinese curse: “May you live in interesting times.” We are living in interesting times at present.

    Best wishes,
    Clark
    http://www.clarkzlotchew.com

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