Snarking the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

Tonight, the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards took place. These kind of shows are painful. Most of the movies I’ve never seen, and the back-patting and oozing self-congratulation get unbearable.

But let’s look at the Golden Globe red carpet arrival through a different, highly superficial lens. Does it not look as if the photographer messed with these pictures? As in, these actors and actresses have gigantic heads and tiny bodies? Like Anne Hathaway. Please get yourself a samwich, now:

Anne Hathaway arrives at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

Anne Hathaway at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

Or Dev Patel, what the heck happened to make your cranium look oversized:

Dev Patel arrives at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, CA

Dev Patel at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell, you guys look like cartoon characters:

Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell arrive at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, CA

Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell, 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

So do Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Sarah Hyland:

Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Sarah Hyland arrive at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, CA

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Sarah Hyland, 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

Lena Dunham, after all the “your first time” tom-foolery you pulled at the election, I actually feel sorry for you. Now fire whoever convinced you to wear the dining-room drapes:

Lena Dunham arrives at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, CA

Lena Dunham at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

Once again, the perspective on this picture looks off. Maybe Helen McCrory and Damian Lewis just need to eat normally. Like, why not grab dinner with Lena above?

Helen McCrory and Damian Lewis arrive at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills,

Helen McCrory and Damian Lewis, Golden Globe Awards

I sold suits in college. It was good money, one of a half-dozen jobs I had. And rule number one, avoid a puckered lapel on a tuxedo. You would think George Clooney would know:

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler arrive at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills,

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler, Golden Globe Awards

 A proper lapel as worn by Mark Wahlberg and Sean Combs:

Mark Wahlberg and Sean Combs arrive at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, C

Mark Wahlberg and Sean Combs at the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

There you have it, the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards, not quite live from the Beverly Hilton. The last time I was there, I too, was in a tuxedo. One with tails even. Of course, it was my high school prom. I was 6’4, 170 pounds soaking wet then. And the tails made me taller and skinnier. Maybe I still I have not gotten over it, considering my comments here. Ah blogs, they are cathartic. Now where are my stone-washed jeans?

10 thoughts on “Snarking the 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards

    • Coffeypot mate, you haven’t woke up yet, this is still part of your dream, the nightmare is just about to start when you catch up with the Golden Globe Awards…

      Shhhhh

      Yours Aye.

  1. They all look like they need to come to the Lazy B to be fattened up. George’s lapels may be rumpled, but Stacy is one beautiful woman. He did something right.

    • Lou,

      Using my ‘Holmes’ method of deduction, I would say that Clooney sat rear and right of the driver for the seat belt to damage his lapel in such a way.

      Elementary?

      Aye.

  2. CP: Good for you. I only saw this on Yahoo, I did not see a second of the GG.
    Lou: You are right, Stacy is a classy lady. . .

  3. You’re right Navy One…oversized heads…they all look cartoonish…Lena Dunham…I guess whoever photoshopped these pictures forgot her when they did it…she looks grotesque if not ridiculous….k

  4. Right camera, wrong lens, some one initially forgot to change from wide angle to standard… being in the company of ‘celebs’ is enough to make one swoon and forget every thing!

    Tsk Tsk…

    Yours Aye.

  5. I still like Damien Lewis even though he is a Hollywood moonbat…he wears a mean tux too!

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