Aircraft Carriers are built to ferry four acres of United States “soil” around the world. To wherever we may need it. To support and defend allies, to protect American interests, or to attack enemies.
They are not, however, built for tall people. Case in point, the scab I just discovered on the top of my head. I schwacked my melon three times daily the first week I was underway. Slowly, I got more aware and lowered my stats to two and then one hit a day.
I can proudly say that I went whole days towards the end of my cruise without murdering my noggin. My top five skull clangers:
1. Forgetting there is cross-bar as you step into a bathroom stall. I literally felt my teeth rattle in mouth and saw stars with that one. All the bathroom stalls (since they are attached to each other) shook. I apologize in advance to all the guys who have to tighten the bolts. I definitely loosened a couple of them.
2. Turning around in a passageway and missing the low-hanging light. Yes, it was painted bright yellow. No, I was not looking at it. No, it was not as painful as it looked. Yes, the six enlisted folks were amused when I rocked it. Yes, they asked in chorus if I was alright. Yes, one of them gave me the classic: Ohhhhhhhhhhh. No, I did not hang around. Me and my bruised pride wandered off. Quickly.
3. Stepping through a watertight opening and mis-estimating its height by one centimeter. Sure, we use inches in America, but that one centimeter really left a mark. I wonder if that is where my scab came from?
4. Focusing too much on turning the doorknob and not enough on stooping. As I entered the wardroom for lunch. That door made me religious. As in: I prayed no one saw my clumsiness. Dear God, let me never do that again.
5. Forgetting that I had about 20 inches of rack space when I lived in the overflow Chief’s birthing. Who puts an Officer in there anyway? Waking up and clunking your head, priceless. And very effective at getting me awake.
That’s all. No more head knocking stories. I’ve got my reputation to consider here. . .
We toured the USS Batfish on Memorial Day weekend. I’m still recovering from my unfortunate encounters with bulkheads made for smaller people than I.
Welcome back to posting, I know I missed reading your posts.
It occurs to me that 4 acres of US soil don’t just wander around without escort. If the Guardian is with you, my daughter’s boyfriend is aboard as an ET, so you are in good hands.
What? No scraped shins?
Hope you enjoyed your vacation.
OkieRover: Thanks, I’ll keep an eye out for the Guardian. . .
Tim: Ha, I managed to do that once or twice too.
Welcome home. I had a similiar experience the other day involving my nose and a fence stringer. There was blood and crying and everything. I, however, posted pictures.
I have permanent scars on my shins – and a permanent slouch – from navigating that 1944 destroyer I lived on, back in the ’70s. Not sure about my head, as I still have enough hair to cover that bit.
Welcome back into the blogosphere and all our lives! Been missing your daily missals.
I’ve been checking your floating airplane parking lot FB page. Anyone on board suspect you’re a famous internetz personage?
Rev. Paul is right, being 6’4″ I walked around like a gorilla for over two years while serving on that Tin Can – much smaller hatches and passage ways than on the G. Ford. And much more movement up and down and port and starboard, too. I would love to do it again. Good for you and welcome home…
Never had the pleasure Navy One…and to repeat welcome home…missed your daily assaults on reality…k
I’m so sorry for your head. I’ve toured a few museum ships, but never had a head bangin’ experience. Nope, my problem was more like the climb I had to make to get through the watertight openings.
I’ve only been on carriers when they were in port and I was working nearby. Last tour of one, I was offered to have lunch in the Chief’s Mess. I felt so honored…I mean the Army mess halls never put nice table cloths on any table in any mess hall. Food was about 100% better than 98% of the Army mess halls and that was on a war ship!!!
Six: I can’t say I took any pics of my bruises.
Rev: I hear you on the slouch. I am working mine out.
AFCrewDog: The internet was basically secured. And I don’t know about famous. More like infamous, maybe. . .
CP: You and I are the same height. Also, I was not on the GRF, but a ship similar to it.
Kris: Thanks. Daily assaults, I like that!
Lou: Those are challenging too. But I always got my workout.
CI Roller Dude: I loved the chow too. Not that I am hard to please.
Hey welcome back! I don’t think ships are for tall people either…when I was touring the USS Hornet I kept smacking into things and I’m not very tall…
And THAT is why I’m so happy to be 5’6″ tall. I’m the perfect height for a ship. It’s weird, but I wish I was with you. I really miss the Canoe Club.
Lauren: Ah, the USS Hornet, I’ve ducked around her too. . .
Squid: Join back up! Sail the seven seas with us!
Would love to. High year tenure. The Reserves refused to pay me. I refused to work without pay. Retired in 08 after 25 years, 11 years active.
Damn, I miss it.
That’s why I’m gald I was a P-3 Aircrewman!
It’s even better to be a black shoe in a P-3 squadron. IS was the way to go. I loved it.
Yea! you are back! We can share sea stories now!! Did your Carrier have a cappuccino machine, SEALs and EOD guys sharing their feelings during poetry time, famous country singers to eat dinner with, and a POTUS landing on the flight deck in an S-3B? Somehow, knowing you – your stories will be MUCH more entertaining than all of that!
Was on the USS Blue Ridge at one point and was running down the hall towards one of the air tight doors. Jumped a little too late and nearly broke my leg…and still managed to smack my head. Woke up draped across the hatch opening. LOL. Of course, I had a quite a bit of fun in the 20′ swells as well. Chow served up the greasiest stuff on the whole float over to Korea from Oki. PLUS, I was able to knock down a Navy Officer when he opened the door as I was running through the halls bouncing off the walls. All I heard him say was “Crazy f’ing Marines”
Sleeping in the Goat Locker and eating in the Ward Room what is the matter with you. I know the Chiefs didn’t run out of ice cream. Did you find the bowling alley? How about the golf course? http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/10046/Air+Force+aircraft+carrier/
I love that aircraft carrier!
Pingback: Lunchtime Links | Liberty News Network