Got one for you. You sitting down? Relaxed? Did you take your heart medication?
You may want a generous slab of carrot cake nearby to bury your burning face in. Or some scarves, several of those hermetic Hermes-es, to primally scream into.
What’s got me all jumpy? Art. Modern art, that joke. Take a look at this masterpiece:
When the Roof Begins to Leak, by Martin Kippenberger, scam artist
Does it evoke great feelings of humanity, of God, burbling up from that mysterious place labeled heart? Nope? Me neither. Get this: that piece of junk is worth more than one million dollars!
Some scam, huh? A cleaning lady, bless her dear little soul, tried to clean that black basin at the bottom of the junk:
A determined German cleaner destroyed a piece of art valued at £690,000 by cleaning away what she thought was an unsightly stain from the artwork.
The cleaner got to work on an installation by the late and famed artist Martin Kippenberger at a museum in Dortmund.
Entitled “When It Starts Dripping From The Ceilings” the piece comprised a tower of wooden slats with a plastic bowl at the bottom painted brown to give the impression of discolouration caused by water. The cleaner took the paint to be an actual stain and scrubbed the bowl till it looked new.
What an utter joke the art world has turned into. I have seen children draw more inspiring bumblebee pictures. What did the pompous, pinched museumies have to say about it?
“It is now impossible to return it to its original state,” a museum spokeswoman said, adding that it appeared the cleaner was unaware of museum rules prohibiting cleaning staff getting with 20 centimetres of pieces or art.
Honestly, who cares? I wish that she had thrown it out. Wait, apparently that has happened before! Take a gander at the bag of trash below:
Gustav Metzger’s Recreation of the First Public Demonstration of Auto-Destructive Art, scam
People actually went to the venerable Tate Gallery to look at that piece of garbage above. Yes, the picture with its tattered canvas is all part of a finished project. That bag of trash was what caused the problem:
A bag of rubbish that was part of a Tate Britain work of art has been accidentally thrown away by a cleaner.
The bag filled with discarded paper and cardboard was part of a work by Gustav Metzger, said to demonstrate the “finite existence” of art.
It was thrown away by a cleaner at the London gallery, which subsequently retrieved the damaged bag.
This is fun, is it not? Here is another nightmare by the untalented Damien Hirst:
Damien Hirst’s 2001 Piece O’
(Facepalm) That is art? Guess what happened to it:
In 2001 a cleaner at a London’s Eyestorm Gallery gallery cleared away an installation by artist Damien Hirst, having mistaken it for a pile of rubbish.
The collection of beer bottles, coffee cups and overflowing ashtrays was said to represent the chaos of an artist’s studio.
Enough. I cannot take anymore pain. The last link on art nightmares comes courtesy of Time magazine, a periodical which borrowed its name, as in running on borrowed time. Read: when is it going to go belly up? Or some other more NSFW anatomy up?
This is art:
Winged Victory of Samothrace
A Vroomer:
1935 Duesenberg SJ Speedster “Mormon Meteor”
And a classic:
Amedeo Modigliani’s Jeanne Hebuterne
A landscapey jaunt:
Winslow Homer, Breezing Up
A religious masterpiece:
Leonardo Da Vinci, Last Supper
Maybe:
Rene Magritte, Ceci n’est pas une pipe. But it may be art
Why not:
Ann-Margaret, Dallas in Stagecoach, Norman Rockwell, 1965
Not sure:
Pope Yoda, Star Wars, La Nuova Figurazione Italiana
I took a painful class in college on philosophy and art. I learned nothing other than those two disciplines attract more than your average share of blowhard phonies.
As for the artists that I opened this posts with: wow. Someone actually shelled out money, turtles, quid, for that garbage. Art is an excellent investment. But I could not live with myself if I paid a million dollars for “When the Roof Begins to Leak,” by Martin Kippenberger.
I simply don’t like Kippenberger. Not so with this burger:
Heavenly Masterpiece
Every time I see useless trash like that going on I think: “Huh, this is what we’re fighting for.”
Sometimes folks who make “crap” are on drugs or mentally ill. As a copper when we had to respond to the “art” dept at a local college, we were prepared to expect anything as far as wierdness goes… I think the cleaning lady did the right thing.
This (artful scam) has been going on since, I think, the 60s. I’ve been in Museums of Art (not the “Modern” genre) and after enjoying what has traditionally been known for centuries as Art, walked into a room with trash art that caused my hair to hurt!
Never mind what type of idiot whose taste is entirely in his/her mouth and more $$$ than brains buys this crap, who the hell makes the decision to call it art? What kind of misguided/warped childhood did they have?
JeezeLouize, is there a “Opening an Interpretive/Expressionist/Modern Art Gallery and making a gazillion bucks For Dummies” book? I think I’ll go search Amazon.
I certainly can’t disagree with the preceding commentary; however, I have seen while visiting the Rembrandt Museum in Amsterdam a plate of asparagus in a traditional painting hanging on one of their walls. I thought that was a rather dubious formulation for a ‘work of art’, even then….perhaps something like that was the precursor to what we see today…everything in life & art carried to its both its logical and ridiculous conclusion. k
I also imagine all these “artists” want their student loans paid off for them too.
I wouldn’t be surprised, 1st Sgt…k
I blame two things for the current state of art: the camera and the denigration of faith. When art was both the sole way to record this life and the most reverent way to pay homage to faith and the after life, artists brought their best efforts to play, and both buyers and viewers had appropriately high expectations.
When art lost its two raisons d’être, artists were reduced to producing decorations or to claiming that they offer the great unwashed some “deeper” meaning and insights through their “creative” efforts. Some are really trying; others are pretentious boors; and still others are scammers, pure and simple.
Oh my goodness, what a scam. Modern art? Reminds me of the “performance artist” who delivered her baby in public and called it ‘art’. Who wants to look at that?
Kippenberger and Metzger’s “art” is strange. I don’t consider their work to be art. I’m not a big fan of Conceptual Art. The only time I enjoy it is when it’s creative and kept within the boundaries of good taste. French Impressionism and Italian sculpture are my favorite.
The Yoda Pope is a masterpiece….and so is the burger…yum.
All: I know, crazy artists, huh?
Years ago, I went to an exhibition at MOMA. One unforgettable exhibit was a 2′ cube with a fly on it. The FLY was the art.
There were warning signs all around the piece so that nobody would brush off the fly.
At least the “artist” made the fly, and didn’t just glue on a dead one.
And, just down the hall, was genius. There was an incredible exhibit of Picassos, Miros, Chagals, Dalis and others. You can guess which room was crowded. Not everybody is suckered.
Back in the mid 70′s my high school art teacher tried to tell me “if it feels good just paint it – it doesn’t have to BE anything.” We had some pretty good arguments – I wanted people to like and enjoy my art. It’s the price of the trash mentioned above that makes me crazy. I’ve seen great artists on Antique Road Show whose art did not go for anywhere near that price, but if someone is willing to pay that… Having put on a few art shows, artists have asked me how to price their work. First you have to decide if you really want to sell your work. If not, then stick a silly, ridiculous price on it. If you are willing to sell, consider your time, your expense, and what would make you happy in a price. But kind of like the housing market, people get greedy and others get stupid. If you can get a million dollars for a piece of trash, then others will be encouraged to do the same.
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