Happy Halloween!

Ah, I can hear the first trick-o’-treaters of the night outside. And I am sitting by the front door in the costume on the right. Blogging. Yes, that is me!

Why am I sitting by the front door? Our doorbell broke. No joke, it is true. The doorbell shorted out. Of all the days of the year, the lousy bell gave up on the one day we really needed it. Sort of like a striking, French garbageman. (That is: a French garbageman who is on strike. Not striking as in model striking.)

Happy Halloween. . .

Jessica Simpson, Coyotes, Rick Perry, and the Kardashians

Coyote in Calabasas, California

As a runner, I have stumbled across my share of coyotes on the trails in California. They are wary, smart beasts, never letting me get too close.

They almost seem to laugh as I round a bend towards them. They are quick and scamper away as soon as I pull to within 75 feet.

I never want them to feel comfortable around humans, so if I have the energy, I yell at ‘em. It may not help the situation, but it makes me feel better. And on a 8-mile run, that is key.

I have seen them loping through neighborhoods at dawn, as comfy as if they lived there. Never during the day, though.

Get your Mitt Romneys off me, says Rick Perry. I hunt coyotes!

The Republican Presidential hopeful, Mr. Rick Perry, even popped one with his concealed-carry handgun. The coyote was threatening him and his doggie on their run:

Texas Governor Mr Perry has insisted the story he told last year about shooting dead the animal during a morning jog near Austin is true.

The GOP presidential candidate said he needed just one bullet from his .380 Ruger to kill the coyote that menaced his puppy in February 2010.

Some folks questioned his story. I believe it, after seeing coyotes sprint through neighborhoods at first light.

‘One guy from upstate New York said (it could not have happened because) “coyotes would run away”,’ Rick Perry told Parade magazine.

Rick Perry, Presidential hopeful and coyote hunter

‘Come to Austin. I’ll show you coyotes that will come and get in your backyard and eat your little puppy.’

He said last year that he carries his gun when jogging on trails because he is afraid of snakes and had also seen coyotes in the undeveloped area.

Which brings me to this piece of non-peaceful news. Calabasas, nestled in the foothills of the Santa Monica Mountains near Los Angeles, has looked into ways they can coexist with the coyotes:

Debbi Gillman remembers the afternoon her daughter came home to find the remains of the family’s retriever-mix strewn across the backyard. And Jill Nevins said that when her children were small, they were afraid to take a walk after dark because they might run into a pack of coyotes.

Map of Calabasas, California

Still, both are cautiously supportive of a decision this month to ban the capture and killing of coyotes in Calabasas and instead teach people how to coexist with the predators.

“We’ve got a huge mountain behind us, and in a lot of ways we are encroaching on their territory,” said Nevins, a children’s librarian taking a lunch break.

It’s a sharp shift from the aggressive tactics that have been used for years in Southern California’s hillside communities, where authorities wage battle against the opportunistic coyotes that stray into neighborhoods looking for food, often in the form of pet cats and small dogs.

Kim Kardashian and her sister Khloe, in Calabasas, California

But increasingly city leaders and residents in communities like Calabasas are pushing to become more coyote-friendly cities by training people on how to avoid confrontations and leave the predators alone.

This is not going to end well. As a society, we must place a priority on human life. Surely we should not kill off coyotes, but we also should not cede our property to them.

The women quoted in this article better be prepared to explain to the parents of a missing child or a dead pet how their pro-coyote stance is better for our communities. Particularly with this nugget, later in the article:

Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote in Calabasas, California

In 2008, coyotes three times attempted to attack toddlers in San Bernardino County.

Guess who lives near Calabasas? The Kardashians! In googling the word Calabasas, Kim Kardashian and her sister Khloe appeared in many pics. So did pop-nothing Britney Spears. And pro-troops actress Alyssa Milano. Can you imagine the uproar if one of these folks were attacked?

Also, don’t forget that Jessica Simpson’s little dog was sadly eaten by a coyote:

Jessica Simpson and her dog, Dasiy. Sad coyote story

Jessica Simpson says her “heart is broken” over her missing 5-year-old maltipoo Daisy.

On her Twitter page, she writes: “A coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!”

Am I being anti-coyote? Or maybe I am a Road Runner fan and Wile E. Coyote is just a bully in my eyes? Gotta run, beep beep. . . 

New York City Snow Storm Scatters Flakes on Wall Street

New York City in Winter: A Cold Lion

New York City weather can be nasty nasty. I know, I worked as a bike messenger through one tough winter.

Take Riverside Drive, 11th or 12th Avenue, any of those streets that hug the Hudson River. The wind is vicious down there, it simply whistles off the water. And there are few buildings to block it.

I learned my lesson the hard way. It was December and I was riding south, midtownish. A gust of wind tickled my side and then pushed. Me. A good ten feet diagonally. As if I was a wind-surfer.

I skidded across a long metal grating and down along the edge of a curbed sidewalk. Shaken, I got off my bike, my heart beating in my ears. Somehow, I locked up my steed and sat in the lobby of an unknown building. No one said anything to me. New York is funny like that.

So when I read this, I think- those Occupy Wall Street clowns (the 99%ers) are in for a rude awakening:

It’s a record!

New York City broke it’s top snow mark with 1.3 inches at 2:11 p.m., the National Weather Service told the Advance.

The old record was 0.8 inches and was set in 1925.

The Weather Service just upgraded its forecast and is now predicting that 8-9 inches of snow will fall here by the time the storm winds down overnight.

Russell Brand, obnoxious British clown

More than 11,690 customers are without power, half of them in the Tottenville (Staten Island) area, according to Con Edison’s Storm Central website.

“We have a new record already,” said meteorologist Joey Picca.”We knew the moisture would be there, but the switch-over was sooner.”

Earlier in the week, annoying comedian Russell Brand even stopped by for a look-see.

Mr. Brand is better known on the these shores as Mr. Katy Perry. (I wonder if he purchased any of those special Occupy Wall Street t-shirts?) He had this to say of the protestors:

“The sense of cohesion and civic duty in the square, which many call Liberty Square, its former title, was something I found appealing. Protesters took the time to educate me on the matters that had brought them to the square.”

The first flakes:

Occupy Wall Street Snow Storm, Zuccotti Park

The above picture is from the NY Post. My favorite quote from the article:

“I got my blanket, I got my sleeping bag and I got my girl,” said 25-year-old protestor Rene, who came from Occupy Miami to Occupy Wall Street, “so it’s not hard to stay warm.”

Somewhere, somehow, George Gershwin is turning in his grave. . .

Update: I received a nasty comment which I am not approving for publication, but rather posting partially here. I cut out the insulting sections of it, aimed at another commenter. Dissension I understand; heck it is patriotic, right? But I leave my blog for stretches of the day and I can’t police squabbles. The part I can post:

“Spoiled Brats” and “Entitlement” ≠ “Sleeping on City Concrete in Snow”

Personally, I am not in agreement. This is how I see it:

“Spoiled Brats” and “Entitlement” = “Snoozing in sleeping bags on mattress pads in tents, with bathrooms around the corner. Not to mention the donated food or the shady $500,000 in the evil bank. Or the lack of a job. And the demand of free student loans. Or whatever it is that this movement demands.”

Or, how about this:

“Spoiled Brats” and “Entitlement” ≠ “Al Anbar, Argonne, any battle the US military has fought. . .”

Update II: Ah, nothing like the OWS folks to bring out a little unity. I also received the below comment, again aimed at another commenter. As per usual, I will not approve it, but post it here for your guffawing pleasure:

Your ignorance is astounding.

Here is the funny thing, the above commenter was only on the site for two minutes before posting the above screed. (I happen to be on-line at the same time, thus the successful sleuthing.) Usually it takes me a full ten minutes to be able to determine someone is astoundingly ignorant. Perhaps this genius has special powers?

Cruisin’

Remember this:

Tom Cruise going crazy on the Oprah Winfrey Show

A photographer has reenacted this scene and other famous ones, except with children:

Tom Cruise and Oprah, Tricia Messeroux photograph

The tiny scoop:

Tricia Messeroux, a photographer based in Long Island, N.Y., is making a splash with her photo project, “Toddlewood,” wherein she casts kids ages 3 through 6 to recreate classic Hollywood moments.

And a hilarious observation from the comment section:

The boy portraying tom cruise is to tall.

Is this art project creepy or funny? Apologies to a certain blogger for the Cruise. . .

I May Need Some Glasses

I saw this headline:

Case Keenum throws nine touchdown passes in No. 18 Houston’s win

And I thought I saw this:

Casey Kasem throws nine touchdown passes in No. 18 Houston’s win

Then I thought: Casey Kasem! How is that?

If you were in Southern California and of a certain age, the Mighty 690 Top-40 Countdown, hosted by Casey, was the show to listen to. Yes, it was AM. And yes, it was out of Tijuana.

Quick review, College Football’s Case Keenum:

University of Houston Quarterback Case Keenum throws nine touchdown passes

Radio’s Casey Kasem:

Casey Kasem, Radio DJ, Not a College Quarterback

“Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.” -Casey Kasem.

“Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. Also, read headlines carefully.” -NavyOne

Goofing on a Military Chaplain

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I am guilty of a transgression and not of the normal type. This one is extra special. A unique one.

I am on the phone. With the new Chaplain from a base across town. Our Navy command does not have its own, so we “borrow” a Chaplain from another base. The Admiral wants to meet with him and since I met Chaps at another event, I offer the Command Master Chief to make the arrangements.

Bear in mind that the Chaplain has one ribbon. He just graduated from seminary and arrived in San Diego for his first Navy posting. He did not go through OCS, but a kinder, gentler version. Up in Newport, Rhode Island. (I think they go through fork-and-knife school with the doctors.) The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Hey Chaplain, NavyOne here. We met at that dedication last Friday?
Chaps: Sure, NavyOne how are you?
Me: Good. Yourself?
Chaps: Fine.
Me: I wanted to schedule time for you to come on base to meet with our senior leadership, the Admiral in particular.
Chaps: Alright.
Me: How is next Wednesday?
Chaps: That works.
Me: I will get you a visitor’s pass.
Chaps: Okay.
Me: (Smiling) Um, the uniform of the day will be Choker Whites.
Chaps: Great! (I pause, surprised with his enthusiasm.)
Me: Awwww, just wear your normal khakis.
Chaps: If Choker Whites is the uniform, no problem.
Me: I was just kidding about the Chokers.
Chaps: Oh.
Me: (Feeling guilty) Sorry about that.
Chaps: No problem.

Nice kid, the Chaplain. Can I call the Chaps a kid? Sure, why not?!? How many Hail Marys did I earn for that one? (Completely unrelated side musement: Do some of Tim Tebow‘s long bombs count as Hail Marys?)

Top Gun: Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise in Choker Whites

Ladies, the sad truth about Choker Whites: they are uncomfortable. I know we look Top Gun-ish in them. But come some hot summer day and you swelter in all that polyester.

Every uniform I wear has polyester in it. We have become grudging friends. Me and the polymonster. But the stuff does not breathe.

Later, still feeling guilty about goofing on the Chaps, I email him. And offer to answer any curious questions he may have about the Navy, San Diego, anything. He still has not emailed me back.

At a bar-b-que, I see the Command Master Chief and tell her the story. She grins and says: C’mon sir, you should have let him show up in his Choker Whites!

Fact: however many Hail Marys I owe, the CMC owes double. . .

It Pays to be a Winner!

Winner, it pays to be. For reading, there is no fee:

Council Winners

Non-Council Winners

Tim Tebow and Sandwiches

Denver BroncosDenver Broncos

Let’s talk Denver Broncos, more specifically, their quarterback, Tim Tebow. Are you familiar with him? Are you a fan? Do you not know who he is?

His story is quite a compelling one whether or not you root for his success. He is the fifth son of a pair of Christian Baptist missionaries and was born in the Philippines.

The circumstances surrounding his birth were challenging and it was suggested by the doctor that the Tebows consider an abortion:

Doctors later told Pam (Tim’s mother) that her placenta had detached from the uterine wall, a condition known as placental abruption, which can deprive the fetus of oxygen and nutrients.

Tim Tebow Heisman Winner

Doctors expected a stillbirth, Pam said, and they encouraged her to terminate the pregnancy.

“They thought I should have an abortion to save my life from the beginning all the way through the seventh month,” she recalled.

Of course, she did not abort and Tim grew up to be one of the most celebrated of college quarterbacks, winner of various awards and championships, including the Heisman. He did not avoid controversy in college at the University of Florida, but it was not of the usual type:

In 2010, a new rule for the next NCAA football season, dubbed “The Tebow Rule” by media because it would have affected him, banned messages on eye paint.

Tim Tebow John 3-16

During his college football career, Tebow frequently wore biblical verses on his eye black.

In the 2009 BCS Championship Game, he wore John 3:16 on his eye paint, and as a result, 92 million people searched “John 3:16″ on Google during or shortly after the game.

Additionally, later, when Tebow switched to another verse, there were 3.43 million searches of “Tim Tebow” and “Proverbs 3:5-6″ together.

Tebow stated of the searches “It just goes to show you the influence and the platform that you have as a student-athlete and as a quarterback at Florida.”

Tebowing- Praying During a Game

His final, collegiate numbers are truly staggering: he passed for over 9000 yards and rushed for almost 3000. Turning pro, he was drafted 25th in the first round of 2010 National Football League Draft by the Denver Broncos.

On December 19, 2010, he started his first game and set an NFL record for his 40 yard scamper into the endzone for a touchdown. It remains the longest touchdown run for a quarterback in Denver Broncos’ history and the longest NFL touchdown run by a quarterback during his first professional start.

Tim Tebow, Friar Tuck and Run

So this last Sunday, Tim played in the place of the sputtering Kyle Orton.

From wikipedia: When Coach John Fox announced hat Tebow would start against the Miami Dolphins, 75,000 tickets were sold in one day. In that game, Tebow and the Broncos rallied from a 15-0 deficit in the last 4 minutes to win the game 18-15 in overtime.

By all accounts, the game was ugly:

For 3 1/2 quarters, the Dolphins throttled Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, who completed just 4 of 14 passes for 40 yards before his team got the ball trailing 15-0 with 5:23 left.

Then Tebow led them to an overtime victory that was described by one ESPN analyst as “magical.” Go to the above link to read it all.

Still, there are many valid criticisms of Tebow. He is an inaccurate passer with a strange delivery. As for me, I don’t have an NFL team. But I am a Tim Tebow fan. He is a good guy and I want him to succeed. I can’t help it.

I did not like him when I first heard him speak. He enunciates his words as if his tongue is too large for his mouth. I can’t explain it and surely this is petty, but this remains my first impression. But it changed after I learned more. . .

As for the sandwiches in the title above, Eagles Defensive End Brandon Graham is the guilty party. He packed on twenty pounds during an 8 week period:

Sandwich Man Brandon Graham, Eagle Eater

Apparently the Eagles defensive end has been on the offensive end of some of Philly’s finest food.

The 2010 first-round draft pick tore his ACL last December and spent two months on crutches. His weight jumped from 270 to 290 during his recovery. He has a culprit, though.

“You know what got me real big? The Philly cheesesteaks,” Graham told the appropriately named Philly.com. “Jim’s. That’s all I eat.”

Thas’ a lot of samiches. . .

We Want You, No We Don’t

So I received this email recently (names deleted):

Hi,

We recently contacted you regarding advertising for one of our clients.

We pay an annual fee to you as soon as the advert is live. It is a straightforward process and we work with you to make sure we fit naturally with your site. Please let me know if you are interested and I’ll send you more details.

Would you be interested in selling us a simple text based advertisement on your website Themellowjihadi.com?

Best regards,

Wow, this was great, I thought. I rogered up and told the representative that I was interested in hearing their offer. Then I received this:

Hi,

Sorry! On this occasion, we could not match your site with a current client. However, we are continuously bringing new clients on board and I expect to have a good match for you in the near future.

With your permission, I’ll keep your site on our list and will get back to you if I find a suitable advertiser.

In the meantime, if you or anyone you know manages other sites that we might consider then please feel free to forward them to me.

By the way, you can find out more about **** ***** and the work of our team here: *****

Best regards,

Was this spam? Unlikely, because it was sent to my personal email address that I use only for family. And for GoDaddy.

I believe the good folks at GoDaddy sell information to certain advertisers. And they got my info. I imagine they read more of this site and decided I was not kosher, or at least not their kosher. It was nice to be considered. Perhaps it was my Batman-like stats that scared them away?

Holy Schnikeys, is that you Batman?!?

Fellow bloggers, if you want their contact info, I will be glad to forward it on. Perhaps you and your blog are a better, kosherer fit?

New Western Movie: Starring Will and Jada Pinkett Smith

When you are in public, and you are a celebrity, it must be annoying to pose for the various paparazzi that stalk your every move. Still (in the picture below), does not Jada Pinkett Smith realize it is unladylike to sit like a ranch-hand from the Rio Grande?

Heck, she looks like an extra from Bonanza. As if she just rode in on her palomino and is now kicking back in the ranch house, picking her teeth with a piece of hickory.

The Fresh Prince, her husband Will Smith, simply does not age! He appears the same now as he did 20 years ago. Although, he needs to attend the YMCA class on leg-crossing. One weekend, 16-hour session and he will learn not to cross his legs like a woman:

Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith, A Cowgirl and the Fresh Prince

Ah, upon further review, this was a public event and not a married couple out in public. They were in attendance at the BET Awards show when this picture was snapped. (Re-titling this post as we speak  I write this.)

As for the BET, the Black Entertainment Television channel, its owner, Robert Johnson (who bet on the hip-hop thing catching on and won big-time) had the following to say recently:

Robert Johnson, BET founder, a better bettor

“Well, I think the president has to recalibrate his message. You don’t get people to like you by attacking them or demeaning their success.

You know, I grew up in a family of 10 kids, first one to go to college, and I’ve earned my success. I’ve earned my right to fly private if I choose to do so.

And by attacking me it is not going to convince me that I should take a bigger hit because I happen to be wealthy.”

In keeping with the non-political nature of this blog, I will merely report and let you decide. Still, Mr. Johnson (who founded his channel on identity) should not be surprised when he gets played by his own game. He comes across like a smart, savvy businessman. But again, the jacker should not cry over getting jacked, the divider over getting divided.

Hoss, played by Jada Pinkett Smith

As for the Smiths, is it possible that they are posing for the picture? According to the comments at the site, they are switching roles.

The set-up: Jada is sitting like Hoss from Bonanza and Will is perched like Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke. To attract attention.

It is not as if they are professional actors. . .

Miss Kitty, played by WIll Smith

Interesting nuggets that I learned from the link: apparently, the Smiths manufactured rumors about their marriage to help Jada’s struggling show on nurses, HawthoRNe:

According to Star, the couple also floated the split rumors because Jada felt she and her husband are considered “too family-friendly” and “too boring.”

Wow, what started out as a simple observation on the way stars get photographed, morphed into a long diatribe on identity, fame, and television.

As for the diatribe, if you require any additional background information, it was featured on Season Seven of the Bonanza DVD re-release: The Cartwrights Versus the Dia Tribe. Guess who won?

Lastly, please keep your race card in your wallet. I happen to like Will Smith and the remark on him and his wife has everything to do with presentation and nothing to do with pigmentation. And Mr. Johnson, I respect him as well. I just find the title of his channel unfortunate. Do I take it to mean that I should not be watching BET, because I am not black? Or that it is representative of the black culture that everyone, all Americans, can enjoy?

Artists and BS Artists

A talented, new artist is the rare exception, rather than the rule. If the artwork is meant to promote the artist or shock, rather than exhibit actual talent or display beauty, than I want no part of it. Sadly, the former is more often the case.

Take this 36-year-old performance artist who:

gave birth to a healthy 9-pound, 2-ounce, and 21-inch-long baby boy at the Microscope Gallery in Brooklyn. Marni Kotak had set up a home-birth center at the gallery, turning her space into a brightly decorated bedroom with ocean blue walls and photo-imprinted pillows.

“Baby X” was born at 10:17 a.m., according to a statement from the museum.

Kotak has said she hopes people will see that giving birth is what she calls “the highest form of art.”

Giving birth may be beautiful and it may be life-affirming, but it is not art as I know it. Perhaps Alexa Meade, a Washington, D.C. artist is closer to the archetypal talented painter. She is described thusly:

Rather than creating representational paintings on a flat canvas, Alexa Meade creates her representational paintings directly on top of the physical subjects that she is referencing.

When photographed, the representational painting and the subject being referenced appear to be one and the same as the 3D space of her painted scenes becomes optically compressed into a 2D plane.

Alexa Meade, Artist , former campaign press staffer for President Barack Obama

Interestingly enough, she once worked as a press staffer for President Obama:

Growing up in Washington, D.C., I had the opportunity to work as a press intern on Capitol Hill throughout high school and college. Later, I worked as a press staffer on the Obama Campaign.

Spending my formative years immersed in the world of politicians and PR led to a fascination with the possibilities of repackaging source texts and adding superficial modifications that would profoundly alter perception.

What the audience ultimately unpackaged was a personal interpretation of an already mediated re-presentation.

Typical campaign staffer, always repackaging. You saw it here first, second, third, fourth.

Handmaidens and Hand-Male-Version-of-Maidens

Brilliance, it has a name. It goes by WoW and the following are its handmaidens and hand-male-version-of-maidens. Enjoy:

Council Submissions

Honorable Mentions

Non-Council Submissions

Breaking News from Dancing with the Stars: Buh Buh Chaz

Hold the presses, we have breaking news from the Dancing with the Stars’ front. The votes are in, the feathers have been ruffled. And Chaz Bono was kicked off the show.

Chaz Bono, Dancing with the Stars, Outies

In keeping with the classy nature of her his appearance, he managed to slip in the last word:

In a backstage interview that aired during tonight’s show, Bono took aim at judge Bruno Tonioli, who in a critique of Bono’s tango likened him to “a cute little penguin trying to be a big, menacing bird of prey.”

Tonight Bono reacted, saying judges often praised overweight women who came on the show and lost weight, but didn’t give overweight men the same latitude.

He said Tonioli had often made disparaging comments about him, “like I’m some fat troll dancing with this beautiful woman every week, and I’m sick of it.”

Robert Troll, Friends and Relatives of American Trolls (FRAT) 

After Chaz’s final remark, Robert Troll of the Friends and Relatives of American Trolls (FRAT) had this to say:

We have struggled as a group to surmount some of the hateful rhetoric still bandied around about Trolls. We are human beings, not punchlines or insults.

We have endured enough pain with the internet stealing our identity and turning it into an epitaph. Mr. Bono should consider the ramifications of his words before he opens his chubby mouth.

Truly, upon counsel with my fellow Trolls, we are troubled by his comparison. Rarely are Trolls as obese as Chaz. If he had compared himself to an Ogre, we would take no major issue with his comments.

Dancing with the Stars’ Hope Solo: dancing with herself. She squeaks by for another week

Per the article: Six celebrities will return to dance on Monday: actor David Arquette,  reality TV personality Rob Kardashian, actor J.R. Martinez, Solo, former talk show host Ricki Lake and TV host Nancy Grace.

Fashion guru Carson Kressley was booted off the dance floor last week. Reality TV star Kristin Cavallari, Italian model Elisabetta Canalis and NBA star Metta World Peace (former Ron Artest) also have been eliminated this season.

No word yet on whether Hope Solo will boogie to her signature dance, ie: dancing alone.

Comments on Brazilian Waxing

I have comments in my blog’s spam folder advertising the following:

Brazilian Wax, not for your Shelby Mustang

1. Brazilian Waxing:

I harbor the vague notion that this undoubtably painful procedure entails a full body wax. I shared my picture in this post here. Can you imagine how uncomfortable that would be for me? Bottom line: I would not be interested in covering my body with hot wax. Hot bubbly chocolate, well, I am open to persuasion.

Update: A more informed reader just opened my eyes as to the nature of the Brazilian. It is, to put it delicately, a private procedure. . .

2. Carpet cleaning in Thousand Oaks:

Does anybody need some rugs shampooed out that-a-ways? I got your hookup. My main issue is not with the spam, it is with the city. Have you ever counted all the oaks? 983, max.

Predators Drone and Drone and Drone

3. Send gifts to Pakistan:

We do send gifts to Pakistan. We call them Predators. And they are very generous with their Hellfires. So far, no major complaints from the recipients.

And if there are complaints (hint hint, reader in Karachi) send coords (lat, longs) so we can be more surgical in future evolutions. Please clarify coordinates down to the nearest foot and do not move once sent. We will call you when we are ready. Promise.

This is called getting kicked in the Karachi. . .

Bob Ross: Air Force Airman painting happy little trees!

4. Overcome negative thinking:

This individual (bot) had a very positive, cheery message. Apparently the way to overcome negative thinking is to spam out a bunch of shiny, happy comments.

Let’s paint some fluffy, little clouds! We don’t have mistakes here, we just have happy accidents! Little birds got to have places to put their foots. . .

Note: Bob Ross, the painter to the left, was in the Air Force. No joke! His hair looks to be about reg, for the Force that is.

Exotic Pole Dancer

5. Pole-danicng poles:

Is this some sort of exotic Polish pastime? And what is danicng? Perhaps you mean Pole-dancing poles? Now ish the time on Shhhh-prockets where we dance! Until next time, Auf Wiedersehen!

6. Cephalic vein anatomy:

I am not sure what product this site is advertising. Still, its spam complained about my misspellings while (you got it) it misspelled words.That six foot plank of knotty naughty pine in your eye really smarts, does it not?

Bob Ross gets the final word: So from all of us here, I’d like to wish you happy painting, and God bless, my friend.

Warm Afghani Feet, a Barefooted Blogger, and One Bear Footsie

The weather, it’s a-turnin’ colder in Afghan-a-lemonade-stand. Want some proof? This:

Afghan workers toast their tootsies on a roadside in Kabul, Afghanistan

Poor guys. Their country’s entangled in the full-nelson of tribalism, a curse in this day and age. Another frosty indication is this nugget from the hairy-hatted Hamid Karzai:

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — Afghan President Hamid Karzai has said if the United States and Pakistan ever went to war, his country would back Islamabad, drawing a sharp rebuke Sunday from Afghan lawmakers who claimed the country’s top officials were adopting hypocritical positions.

That Ham Hamid Karzai, bathrobe by Wimbledon, hat by Mennan

The scenario is exceedingly unlikely and appears to be less a serious statement of policy than an Afghan overture to Pakistan, just days after Karzai and U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said Islamabad must do more to crack down on militants using its territory as a staging ground for attacks on Afghanistan.

Wimbledon, sponsoring Ham’d Karzai since 2001

“If fighting starts between Pakistan and the U.S., we are beside Pakistan,” Karzai said is an interview with private Pakistani television station GEO that aired Saturday.

“If Pakistan is attacked and the people of Pakistan need Afghanistan’s help, Afghanistan will be there with you.”

Don Francisco sez: May all your Sábados be Gigante!

At least with the first name Hamid, we know Ham’d does not keep halal.

Let’s sail west, shall we, to the warmer clime of Marin-tin-tin-land. Home to our friend, the renowned fashionista and well-tempered bloggalier, Bookworm. Ladies, Gentlemen, and San (not Don) Franciscans, Book has finally confessed that she is:

 a barefoot person.  Although I was a fashion plate in my 20s (when they still made petites for short people not medium ones, and when I thought I had money to burn), my style today is very utilitarian.

As a barefoot person, was she referencing the below specimen?

Bear Foot, modeled by Tom Boddingham, not Bookworm. . . 

How did that bear foot happen? Simple:

Tom Boddingham was trying to order a size 14.5 monster slipper from an online company, Monster Slippers, but he must have put the decimal point in the wrong position. Because when the monster slipper arrived at his door it was bigger than him.

Boddingham told the Daily Mail:

“It was sent directly from Hong Kong and measures 210 x 130 x 65cm – the same length as a grizzly bear or a family car. I must be the owner of the biggest slipper in the world… I’m going to sell it online, and if I can make a few quid out of it then all the better.”

Final thought: All intelligence indicates that Bookworm does not suffer a known weakness for bear footsies. Nor has she ever wroten the verboten about said moccasins or considered christening her blog the Barefooted Blawger. (Although a nasty rumor, circulating amongst certain villainous circles, postulates that she very nearly almost titled her literary cottage: das Laundresse. . .)

Happy Cindy Crawford Mole Day!

Happy Mole Day!

Happy Mole Day!

How did you celebrate this special holiday? You did know it was Mole Day, right?

No? Let’s review our moles, courtesy of mole-a-pedia and other holy moley types:

1. Moles are small cylindrical mammals adapted to a subterranean lifestyle. They have velvety fur; tiny or invisible ears and eyes; and short, powerful limbs with large paws oriented for digging.

A mole’s diet primarily consists of earthworms and other small invertebrates found in the soil and also a variety of nuts. Because their saliva contains a toxin that can paralyze earthworms, moles are able to store their still living prey for later consumption.

Happy Star-nosed Mole Day!

They construct special underground “larders” for just this purpose—researchers have discovered such larders with over a thousand earthworms in them. Before eating earthworms, moles pull them between their squeezed paws to force the collected earth and dirt out of the worm’s gut.

The Star-nosed Mole can detect, catch and eat food faster than the human eye can follow (under .3 seconds).

2. Mole sauce is generally associated with Mexican cuisine. Because any number of Mexican sauces can be considered mole, it covers a wide area. As with many Mexican recipes, just about all mole sauce starts with some type of frying. Chili peppers, onions and garlic are usual Red Mole ingredients:

3 chipotle chiles
1 cinnamon stick,
broken into bits
3 tomatoes, chopped
1 clove garlic, chopped
1 large red onion, chopped
1 cup chicken broth
1 bay leaf, crushed
¾ cup sesame seeds
½ teaspoon ground nutmeg
½ teaspoon ground allspice
1 teaspoon fresh mint
1 teaspoon fresh cilantro

Happy Cindy Crawford Mole Day!

3. A mole, a melanocytic nevus (also known as “Nevocytic nevus.”) is a type of lesion that contains nevus cells (melanocytes). Some sources equate the term mole with “melanocytic nevus.”

Tootsie Roll

Left: A mole as modeled by our mole model, Cindy Crawford, both a supermodel and a role model.

The latter designation, for brevity and ease of communication, can be labeled: a super-role. Not to be confused with one of those giant Tootsie Rolls.

4. The mole is a unit of measurement used in chemistry to express amounts of a chemical substance.

If you answered Number 4 above, as the actual mole referred to in Mole Day, you are correct! Our friends at the Inquisitr define Mole Day is:

Celebrated annually on October 23 from 6:02 a.m. to 6:02 p.m., Mole Day commemorates Avogadro’s Number (6.02 x 10^23), which is a basic measuring unit in chemistry.

Amedeo Avogadro, brilliant rake

Mole Day was created as a way to foster interest in chemistry.

In general, one mole of any substance contains Avogadro’s Number of molecules or atoms of that substance.

Mole jokes, we got them:
Q: How much does Avogadro exaggerate?
A: He makes mountains out of mole hills.

Personal confession: when learning of Avogadro’s number in high school, I always remembered it as Avocado‘s number. Surely, I was not the only one. Word in the laboratory: Amedeo Avogadro wielded a mean guacamole recipe. With garlic, holly-pen-neos, lime, all dat good schtuff.

Meaningless gastronomic trivia: A restaurant in Fort Collins, Colorado is called Avogardro’s Number.

Nerds rejoice! Yesterday was your day. Now get back to your computers and continue blogging nerding out.

‘Til next year. . .

Post Script: One possible estimate of Amedeo Avo-gawd-dro’s Number is 602,214,141,070,409,084,099,072. Although, as calculated on my own home equipment, I got 602,214,141,070,409,084,099,073. A little help please, readers. Who is right, me or two brilliant physicists?