Frank and Louie and Heidi and Heidi Klum

Ladies and gentlemen, Boys and girls!

Step right up, step right up. Today’s post is guaranteed to be awwwwww-inducing or your money back. You will drool, you will feel your heart lurch in your rib-cage in fluttery anticipation. Do not try this at home!

Keeping in the tradition of previous cutsie animal postings, we have critters that will roll your eyes, steal your smile.

Drum roll, puh-lease. Appearing tonight and tonight only, lay-dees and gentlemen, may I present: Frank and Louie and Heidi!

First, allow me to in-tro-duce, without any further ado, appearing at the Mellow Jihadi for the first time, direct from Worcester, the drooling pride o’Massachusetts, Frrrrrrrr-rank and Louie:

Frank and Louie, a two-faced Janus cat

From the Yahoo article:

WORCESTER, Mass. (AP) — Frank and Louie the cat was born with two faces, two mouths, two noses, three eyes — and lots of doubts about his future.

Now, 12 years after Marty Stevens rescued him from being euthanized because of his condition, the exotic blue-eyed rag doll cat is not only thriving, but has also made it into the 2012 edition of Guinness World Records as the longest-surviving member of a group known as Janus cats, named for a Roman god with two faces.

Big top staff, please dim the lights, dip the flags. I am sad to announce a passing. Our dearest Heidi is gone. But get this, we have exclusive snaps of her last modeling shoot on the French Riviera, looking as fresh and photo-genic as the day she first burst out of Vogue:

Not Heidi Klum, but Heidi, the cross-eyed 0possum

Her tale is indeed one filled with triumph and sadness. A story so cross-eyed, that only this blog would dare touch it. Hold onto your hats, tip your waiters, hug your little ones, heeeeeeeeeere’s Heidi Klum:

The world-famous cross-eyed opossum who predicted the Oscar winners this year has died at the Berlin zoo where she lived.

The opossum became an international celebrity adored for her crossed eyes and confused-looking face, with Facebook fans totaling some 330,000.

The Leipzig Zoo released a statement on Heidi’s fan page this morning noting that their “cross-eyed opossum Heidi’s eyes are closed forever.”

And there you have it folks! Two more critters, three more names.

One last ah-ha for you, you beautiful audience. Do not joke around about Heidi Klum! We are, after all, professionals. And for some reason, Mz. Heidi is the world’s riskiest celebrity search (as defined by McAfee.) Nine percent of the sites with her picture have viruses or malware:

In a new report released from McAfee, Heidi Klum ranked as the #1 riskiest celebrity to look up online.  Almost one in 10 search results for Heidi Klum’s name lead to websites that can compromise your personal information.

Specifically searching for “Heidi Klum videos”, “Heidi Klum photos” or just “Heidi Klum” showed a 9% chance of visiting a website that could download malware or viruses. (Malware can infiltrate a computer, allowing the scammer to access confidential information.)

Heidi Klum, guaranteed to infect no innocent Mellow Jihadi readers with viruses or malware 

That is all folks! Come back and visit soon. Grab some cotton candy on your way out! Challenge our strongman, grimace the bearded lady.

Take refuge in the thought that a free circus is rolling into your wonderful town sooner than you think. Some know it as a national election. We here at the big top simply call it our competition. Farewell and good night!

11 thoughts on “Frank and Louie and Heidi and Heidi Klum”

    1. Awww, I can’t see the pic!

      “This is somewhat embarrassing, isn’t it?

      It seems we can’t find what you’re looking for. Perhaps searching, or one of the links below, can help.”

  1. The virus issue is probably Heidi’s revenge for the Rose Huntington-Whiteley phenomenon:

    “She’s a Victoria’s Secret model with a flawless figure and face to match. So it’s no wonder Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is most men’s dream woman. But new research has revealed the Transformers star’s power over the opposite sex is so strong, it is similar to the effects of cocaine.”

    Being a girl myself, I’m immune to Rosie’s euphoria-inducing beauty, preferring Janus cats and cross-eyed opossums.

    I’m also immune to Tom Cruise’s charms, and was completely horrified to read somewhere that this shrimpy metrosexual will be playing Jack Reacher in the first movie based on Lee Child’s thrillers. Gerard Butler MIGHT have handled the role, but Cruise…. Hmph! I’m speechless.

  2. LOL- You’re on a roll today!!! :-) And the see the egress meant the took your money and ran you through to the exit, e.g. you missed the show :-)

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