One of the great joys of being junior enlisted is that it is permissible, encouraged even, to be a knucklehead.

I was a CTI, a linguist, and for nearly two years, I was stationed at DLI.

We used to run a scam on fellow linguists that was simple and elegant. The one catch, we had to wait until Thursdays to run it.

Come Thursday, we held quarters and the Skipper awarded awards and discussed the Command with us. We also wore the above cover, a dixie cap, and it was the very hinge on which our scam ran. On the inside of each dixie cap was vital information, like name, last four of SSN, and Boot Camp Division number.

After quarters, at meal time, male Sailors would lay their covers on their seats and eat. (Females don’t wear dixies, at least not dixie caps.) I would surreptitiously peer inside the brim and read the information. And then the scam was on. It required someone to lob questions at me, like this:

Lobber: You gettin’ anything?
Me: A little, why?
Lobber: Thought we might show it off to Rob here.
Rob: Show it off? What are you knuckleheads talking about?
Lobber: NavyOne here has a touch of telepathy.
Rob: Telepathy? What, you read minds?
Lobber: Yes, he does.
Rob: (Nodding) Sure.
Lobber: Go ahead, think of something, like your hometown.
Rob: (Silence)
Me: Sacramento, California.
Rob: I told you that already. You guys.
Lobber: Wait, think of something else, say your last four.
Me: (Closing my eyes and concentrating): 9717?
Rob: What the? How did you guys do that?

Linguists. Works every time (with the exception of my roommate, who knew us better). . .