Eve of Saint Crispin’s Day

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother…

WESTMORELAND. O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in England
That do no work to-day!

KING. What’s he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark’d to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God’s will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.
God’s peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call’d the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say “To-morrow is Saint Crispian.”
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say “These wounds I had on Crispian’s day.”
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

By golly my blood is pumping, and my loins are girded… Which reminds me; It’s also that time of year again when the clocks go back 1 hour at 0200 hrs on the last Sunday in October (26th.) Greenwich Mean Time begins.      Yours Aye. 

Common Sense Vs Education

Cops leave Ebola Dr’s apartment & dump their gloves & masks in a TRASH CAN?1414119276230_wps_58_NYPD_Police_take_down_cauWith the news that the first confirmed case of Ebola has hit New York City, all attention now turns to how equipped the densely populated metropolis will be to deal with the deadly virus & if the city really is as prepared as they claimed to be in a press conference Thursday evening. Perhaps throwing things into doubt right off the bat are photos taken outside the Harlem apartment of Dr. Craig Spencer, who was admitted to the hospital with a 103 degree fever earlier today, that show police officers tossing their gloves, masks and the caution tape used to block off access to his apartment in a public trash can.Common SenseNew York Cops testing the system outside of Ebola patients apartment  

The words of ‘The Great Agnostic’ –  Robert Green “Bob” Ingersoll, a native New Yorker.        Yours Aye.

Nine months of blood, sweat, and tears

Royal Marine is held ‘as he takes holiday trip to fight against ISIS': Commando quizzed over claims he was planning to join up with Kurdish forces. A British Royal Marine has been questioned by police on suspicion he was travelling to fight with Kurdish militias in Syria and Iraq during time off work. 220px-Royal_Marine_Beret_Badge_MOD_45151656The 22-year-old Royal Marine Commando was quizzed as he prepared to fly from California on a one-way ticket to Turkey. He is suspected of planning to join Kurdish forces fighting Islamic State militants. The Marine is understood to have been due to go on leave, but it is unclear whether he was planning to return to his Commando Unit after fighting for the Kurds.

US officials said he was believed to have been in online contact with a Kurdish group that has links in Turkey and the Kurdish frontline city of Irbil – the headquarters of Peshmerga units leading the fight against ISIS. Royal Marines Commando quizzed over claims he was planning to join up with Kurdish forces

I heard this ‘whisper’ last week when 45 Commando RM returned from their cross training trip with the USMC. Unfortunately the writing appears to be on the wall for this young Bootneck. A simple green beret; nine months to earn it, and a moment of madness to lose it.         Yours Aye.            

 It cannot be inherited, Nor can it be ever purchased, You and no one alive can buy it for any price, It is impossible to rent and it cannot be lent, You alone and our own have earned it with your sweat, blood, tears and lives. You own it forever, The Title,


Cramp & dancing buttocks

It has to be said that I can be a stubborn ‘barsteward’ at times, which means I alone generally pay the price for such. My appointed task this week was to drag a thick oak tree limb over a mile uphill, using the lush grass alongside the hedgerow bottom to act as a lubricated slide. Acting as my own mule, I knotted rope into a loop and created a figure of 8 harness to drag natures piece of ‘Quercus robur,’ which proved to have more ‘strength’ than I. Perhaps I should have waited a couple of days as the farmer suggested, after all his tractor could have done same the job effortlessly. I want it done now! I will not be beaten…WWS-stubborn-261x300

Nipper and Hannah didn’t help by jumping up and grabbing at the drag line – hanging on to it growling and wittering as though the game was invented for them. After tarrying a while several times or more (to suck air into lungs that were burning out) we I managed to edge the beast over the brow for the last two hundred metre downhill stumble to my humble abode. The limb now sits atop two wooden X’s – along the length of the gap in the hedgerow that was torn out by last years young boy racer.
Tomorrow I can start interlacing long wild rose creepers around the limb and allow nature to create a formidable barrier.   CRAMP!

Through the silent hours I suffered through my stubbornness. The mother of all cramp attack’s paid a visit (and stayed awhile.) My calves started twisting and moving involuntary, which quickly spread to the arches in my feet. Then the chinese foot binder appeared and set about contorting my little piggies so that they curled under the ball of each foot.new-ReduceImgWidth.asp The worse was yet to come, of which nothing could have prepared me for. My buttock muscles started to twist and knot up, then each buttock individually danced to a silent rhythmic Rumba beat.

Hanging onto my heavy-duty blackout curtains (whilst screaming out to the Pusser’s Rum God) I went through every stretching exercise, but to no avail, I had to wait until nature had cruelly run its painful course; pain that could knock out a pair of Spanish donkeys – or kill one hundred and fifty French matelots outright!410px-Matelot  (French matelot in his ‘tiddley pom’ cap) 

Then I remembered the packet of CRAMPEX in my backpack down in the boot room (lead pills to cover the pain of kryptonite.)

51rWximZTFLWithin thirty minutes all was well with the world, and ‘mother cramp’ & the ‘chinese foot binder’ returned back to the hell from whence they came.

A pity about the French matelots; but hey, I don’t make the rules…      Yours Aye.

Ink and Education

SWNS_TATTOO_TEACHER_23.jpg1413978620266_Image_galleryImage_Despite_removing_her_pierMother-of-two Charlotte Tumilty claims she was sent away from her first day at a new job at St John Vianney’s Primary School, below, in Hartlepool because her arms and neck are covered in tattoos. The 26-year-old says she was told the inking on her feet, hands and neck were inappropriate but the schools says she was simply asked to just make sure they were covered up. Teaching-assistant-sent-away-catholic-school-arms-neck-covered-tattoos.

They say never judge a book by its cover. Unfortunately she is not a book; this is an aspiring teacher hoping to teach and influence young children. The mind boggles, but there’s always the circus as a back up career… Yours Aye.

‘Cowardly Islamic Barstewards’

Canadian Parliament under lockdown after ‘multiple’ gunmen ‘shoot soldier standing guard at the National War Memorial before opening fire in the Parliament halls’1413990053992_wps_15_Emergency_personnel_tend_The Parliament’s Centre Block has been placed under lockdown after a suspect reportedly opened fire on a Canadian Forces soldier at the National War Memorial in Ottawa and then ran towards Parliament. Journalists inside the building reported smelling gunpowder and seeing a body on the ground inside. They added that the suspect appears to be around 5ft 10, overweight and dressed in a dark jacket. Left, an injured man is carried to an ambulance. Canadian Parliament under lockdown after ‘multiple’ gunmen ‘shoot soldier standing guard at the National War Memorial before opening fire in the Parliament halls’

The story is still unfolding as I type this. It is hoped the cowardly islamic scum responsible for the atrocity are sent forth towards their imaginary vestal virgins ‘at the rush!’ There are approximately 129,584 full-time equivalent police officers in the 43 police forces of England and Wales. Take away a third of that number due to admin posts and the like, and we have a thin blue line on the ground at any given time per shift. From that thin blue line take away the unarmed coppers, and we are left with next to nothing on the ground with the capability of stopping a multiple concentrated attack from Islamic Extremists. How long before every single copper in this land is trained to carry firearms to ‘protect & serve’ the general public? How long before we – the general public – demand the same rights, because the day is coming…      Yours Aye.

17-year-old Aussie ISIS toe-rag

article-2802160-227275F100000578-488_636x382In a propaganda video for the terror group published on YouTube, the young white, Sydney-born man calling himself Abu Khaled from Australia is flanked by other ISIS fighters. The jihadist goes on to claim that ISIS are going to put a ‘black flag on top of Buckingham Palace’ and the White House. ISIS weirdest-western-jihadi-australian-17-year-old-vows-fly-islamist-flag-buckingham-palace-calls-abu-khaled-family-call-idiot.

From being a small bairn my Gran taught me to fall asleep with a smile on my face, even when times were tough wearing a ‘green lid’ I followed her advice. I once recall my Granddad returning home from the pub blind drunk, and through his ‘Dutch courage’ hurling abuse at my Gran for some thing trivial that happened earlier in the day. He paid the penalty for it on the spot, as he caught a right hander from her that connected with his chin – after which he failed a count of ten and slept where he dropped. The following day was a work day for Granddad, so Gran carefully wedged a raw egg in the toe of his boot before we both retired. To this day I can still remember his cursing moan at being caught out.  I digress…  Last night I retired with a huge grin from ear to ear – after watching the 17-year-old Australian toe-rag above, as he ranted his threats and challenges to any Western coalition who thinks they’re hard enough to ‘come and have a go!’ I have a pair of combat boots older than him, that probably have more life left in them than he has on this mortal coil!        Yours Aye.

Where’s Wally ~ Where’s Waldo

Profuse apologies as the following ‘dit’ was intended for issue late Sunday evening, so put your clocks back 24 hours, and kindly read on…

I rose with the sun this morning, having taken the sleep of a dead man – a full seven hours straight without so much as an eye flicker; the first time in as many years that was accredited to a lot of back-breaking work outdoors preparing for winter. As the dogs ‘eased springs’ in their ablution yard I prepped a walking breakfast of bacon, bacon, and more bacon – set within two huge doorsteps of bread. Making up a large flask of tea for good measure, I also packed two fig rolls for guilty pleasure, as well as two large bonio’s for the canines. Speaking of ‘guilt.’Thirty pieces of silver

The guilt I suffer when fitting the harnesses onto Hannah and Nipper as Gentleman Joss looks on is enormous. I know what Judas Iscariot felt like when he was paid his thirty pieces of silver! Sadly Joss would never be able to keep up, and I explain the same to him each and every time, though I know it only makes me feel better by doing so. At least when we return from each morning jolly, Joss gets a decent plod around the fields at his own speed, unhindered by the two young whirling dervishes. it also allows me to talk to him about our past adventures together, which allows me to mentally hand back the silver a piece at a time.622px-Lassie_Jon_Provost_1961

The morning’s jolly was a decent four miles over hill and through dale, with a leisurely breakfast stop in the bright Autumn sunshine. As it was so quiet I decided on walking the last two miles back along the small country lane that leads through the tiny village close to my humble abode. Strangely enough I came across a scene straight from a Lassie film; a group of villagers were formed into a huddle in the small car park of the village hall (Lassie’s young master ‘Timmy Martin’ was missing, and this was the local search and rescue party!)

Someone from the small gathering handed me an A4 flier with faded ink; ‘MISSING CAT’ (that had a faded picture of the missing ‘black’ cat beneath the bold header) The cat looked dark in places, yet also a reddish pink around the gills and ears, with kidney problem yellow eyes. Magenta can be a cruel ink when it wants to be…Wally Woo-Woo

‘MISSING CAT’ Very friendly cat, answers to the name of ‘WALLY’ Missing since 12th October. Please could you check your sheds, garages, barns, etc, etc… Organised search requesting volunteers at the village hall at 10am – 19th October. Oh Bugger! I had now involuntary press-ganged myself into the search and rescue party, which was purely through over-staying at my earlier breakfast stop by fifteen minutes.

Folk around Yorkshire are a priceless quaint lot, who take village life and social responsibilities very serious, under such circumstances they answered the call and rallied around to help out an emotionally worn down elderly lady. For all we knew poor Timmy Martin ‘Wally’ could have fallen down an old mine shaft, or lay unconscious at the edge of a stream with the water level slowly rising. In fact looking around, I was the only involuntary volunteer with canines – so where the blooming heck was Lassie…? After being presented with designated search areas, our last offered instructions were the owners telephone number, and the fact that ‘Wally’ also responded to the call of ‘Wally Woo-Woo,’ even more so when he was hungry.

My task was to make a detour across several fields to search the old brick and wooden barns that lay semi-derelict. As I plodded on towards my mission I could hear voices echoing in the nearby woodland that sounded like owls calling out to each other. There was no way this side of the black stump that I was going to call out Wally’s dinner name, even though my only escort were the canines Hannah and Nipper.Hanah Snell

Speaking of which, when we arrived at the old barns I slipped Nipper’s lead off, and allowed him to sniff search the buildings as he was initially brought up with a couple of cats. My theory being he may be more curious towards Wally’s returned cat wail – should he somehow be trapped within.

Hannah remained on a short lead, as she was given the name Hannah Snell for a reason. (Hannah tends to shoot first with her jaws, and then asks questions – hence the end of the rat problem outside of my humble abode!)

After scouring the barn to no avail, I called the given number to state ‘building clear.’ Only to be informed that ‘Wally’ had been found in the locked Church opposite the village hall, and it would appear that he was none the worse for his seven-day ‘lock in.’ Which made me automatically think that the Church (circa 1135) no longer had a mouse problem, and the holy water in the stone font may well have aided a feline miracle. The Church may well have a feline aromatic toiletry problem in place instead

All was not lost on my behalf, as I found a treasure trove throughout my search; several pieces of old horse brass, two old Victorian chimney pots, and hand rolled glass window panes. All of which I have since purchased from the farmer at a steal-give away price, and there’s more to be found with full permission granted to boot. ‘Wally Woo-Woo,’ in more ways than one you are a bloody lucky black cat mate…     Yours ‘Smugly’ Aye.

Guns & Hong Kong on the Hudson

900px-26_-_New_York_-_Octobre_2008Nearly 35,000 New Yorker’s have been deemed mentally unfit to own guns under new post-Newtown massacre law. Almost 35,000 New Yorker’s are now listed as too mentally unstable to own guns in New York state, an explosive report has revealed. 1413797088358_Image_galleryImage_Several_people_view_a_walThe shock figure comes from a new database drawn up as part of the NY Safe Act, established in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, in 2012. The 19-month-old law is one of the nation’s toughest concerning mental health and firearms, and compels licensed mental health professionals in New York to report to the authorities any patient ‘likely to engage in conduct that would result in serious harm to self or others.’ Nearly 35,000 New Yorker’s have been deemed mentally unfit to own guns1100px-NYC_Top_of_the_Rock_PanoObviously I am not a native New Yorker, however; I have on a few occasions sampled the delights of ‘Hong Kong on the Hudson’ where I can vouch for the fact that it does have its fair share of nutters – the majority of which do come out at night. That said, 35,000 out of a population of 8,000,000 is a low percentage, and relative to any major city around the world (quadruple that figure and then double it for any major Islamic city!)       Yours Aye. York, so unique they named it once!

Justice Department double standards

Revealed: How Nazi war crime suspects were paid millions in Social Security to leave the United States quietly… and at least four are STILL enjoying taxpayer-funded lives thanks to ‘Nazi dumping’ strategy. Suspected Nazi war criminals were quietly paid millions by US taxpayers to leave the country without putting up a fight, an investigation has revealed. 1413781446493_wps_42_This_undated_handout_phot1413781464327_wps_43_This_July_28_2014_photo_s

SS guards: Martin Hartmann (far right), and Jakob Denzinger (left), who patrolled Auschwitz for the SS. Both agreed to leave the United States in a deal which let them keep receiving benefits. Hartmann lives in Berlin now, while Denzinger is in Croatia

Dozens of people, including members of Hitler’s SS who guarded death camps where millions of Jews were slaughtered, were handed the cash in exchange for leaving the country and giving up citizenship. A scientist who used slave labor to invent the Third Reich’s V-2 missile was also caught up in the so-called ‘Nazi dumping’ strategy which saw at least 38 people linked to Hitler’s murderous regime leave the US since 1979. Four living people are still receiving monthly checks from the U.S. government valued at around $1,500. Over a lifetime total payments could easily have reached $375,000 per person.1413781505153_Image_galleryImage_In_this_July_28_2014_phot

Still taking the cash: Jakob Denzinger, pictured in his Croatian home earlier this year, refused to answer questions about the financial arrangements. Nazi war crime suspects were paid millions in Social Security to leave the United States quietly…

Two double taps: Two rounds to the chest – two rounds to the head, and I am being charitable by offering to the same to such scum. There are those within the US Justice Department who need to drop their heads in total shame over such double standards.       Yours ‘Disgustedly’ Aye!

Zombie apocalypse survival kit

The pocket-sized TOOLBOX: £50 ($80) survival kits provide all you need for different emergencies… And there’s even a version for a zombie apocalypse?1413545317162_Image_galleryImage_A_company_has_created_a_r A company has created a revolutionary cylindrical tool kit for campers, hikers and even those who are afraid of a zombie apocalypse. Called the VSSL Outdoor Utility Tools, it consists of tubes each just 7.8 inches (20cm) long but holds an impressive essential 15 items. Each of the items, including a compass and matches, can be taken and put back into the cylinders as required. Inventor Todd Weimer from Vancouver is currently seeking funding for the gadget on Kickstarter. 

The pocket-sized TOOLBOX: £50 ($80) survival kit (a fool and money are easily parted!)

What utter ‘tosh!’ No doubt there will a clammer to purchase the ‘TOOLBOX’ by those referred to as ‘outdoor gadget man’ who will never ever use it, or any part of it – but will still carry the same on each and every trip. Along with every other gadget and knickknack on offer in the ‘outdoors’ stores around the country. Personally; I carry a Gerber multi-tool that allows me to prize boy scouts out of horses hooves, a stout blackthorn walking stick to thwart rogues and vagabonds, whilst accompanied by the canines. Nipper – who can bring down a charging rhino without breaking into a sweat, and Hannah in reserve for stopping runaway trucks… ;-)   Yours Aye.

Stupidity ‘gallops’ in the family…

1413511287958_wps_8_FILE_In_this_Jan_30_2010_‘I deeply regret and am embarrassed for my actions': Son of Vice President Joe Biden ‘discharged from the Navy after ONE month for testing positive for cocaine.’ Right: ‘Joe holding an imaginary tub of popcorn alongside his son Hunter.’

The 44-year-old son of U.S. Vice President Joe Biden has been discharged from the Navy following just one months service after testing positive for cocaine, it has emerged. Hunter Biden, a Yale graduate and high-profile lawyer, was an ensign in the Navy Reserve but was kicked out after failing a drug test, The Wall Street Journal reported Thursday.  Below: ‘Hunter & Joe pointing at imaginary friends, who live somewhere around their imaginary world.’1413505418523_wps_3_U_S_Vice_President_Joe_Bi

The married father-of-three, who only chose to enter into the military part-time last year, at the age of 43, reported for duty at the Navy Public Affairs Support Element East in Norfolk, Virginia, on May 7, 2013. However in June, the following month, Biden tested positive for cocaine during a urinalysis, according to The Journal. Son of Vice President Joe Biden ‘discharged from the Navy after ONE month for testing positive for cocaine.’

In time-honoured fashion for any mention of Joe Biden, I offer the following clown horn tribute. And for his son Hunter, a high-profile lawyer volunteering his services with the USN ‘Public Affairs Support Element,’ I offer the following ‘March of the Gladiators’ ‘Big Top’ Circus Theme Song Because only a clown would use cocaine and then hope to pass a urine test within the Armed Forces? Hunter should face the fact that stupidity runs in his family, and take solace in the knowledge that he isn’t alone…      Yours Aye.

Hey, whats in a name anyway?

duffel bagA durable and lightweight duffle bag. The ‘Bomber Barrel’ duffel bag measures 18″x10″x10″ and weighs only 390g. Its made of ripstop nylon and has a leather shoulder pad, emergency paracord zipper pulls and military grade clips.

b duffle bagbb duf bagThe ‘Bomber-Barrel’ duffel bag ‘THE BEST DAMN EVERY DAY CARRY’

Transportation Security Administration may just ‘disagree’ with the advertising quote of “THE BEST DAMN EVERY DAY CARRY!” Especially with ‘BOMBER BARREL’ stitched into the fabric for all to see. Call me a doubting Thomas if you wish, but I have a feeling the marketing people for ‘Bomber Barrel’ duffel bags will fail to ‘hit’ their ‘target’ audience? Time for a Darwin Award nomination…      Yours Aye.

A miracle I tell you-a miracle!

1413386896457_wps_34_Pic_shows_Members_of_the_First he had his congregation eating grass to make them ‘close to God’, now controversial South African preacher makes his flock drink PETROL! A South African preacher who made his congregation eat grass to make them ‘closer to God’ before using them as a human carpet has now got them drinking petrol.

1413386384907_wps_23_Pic_shows_One_member_of_tPastor Lesego Daniel of the Rabboni Centre Ministry poured some of the liquid into a bucket before dropping a match into it and setting it alight to prove that it really was petrol. Unveiling his latest ‘miracle’ to the congregation, he then told them that the petrol had been turned into pineapple juice and persuaded people to line up to take a sip from a bottle of the liquid. 

A South African preacher changes water into wine petrol into pineapple juice?

No need to check your calendar, you have not lost over 5 months – it is not April 1st! In fact sitting here typing this I heard the church bell hit 1 solitary strike, making it 01:00hrs on Thursday 16th October 2014. Methinks ‘Pastor Lesego Daniel’ missed his true vocation in life, he should have been a politician!      Yours Aye.

Hell on the high seas

1413372188520_wps_20_INS_News_Agency_Ltd_15_10 The world’s largest cruise ship arrived in the UK today for the first time. The £800m Oasis Of The Seas sailed into Southampton at 10am on Wednesday in dense fog, welcomed by a crowd of hundreds and helicopters circling overhead. Weighing 225,282 tonnes, the 1,187ft ship is longer than London’s ‘The Shard’ is tall, and at 208ft wide, larger than the wingspan of a Boeing 747. Passengers will be boarding all afternoon and it leaves Southampton for Vigo, Spain, and Fort Lauderdale, Florida, tonight. The Royal Caribbean cruise ship is 40 per cent larger than any other vessel to ever dock in the UK, and has the capacity to house 5,400 passengers and 2,394 crew. 1413372289487_wps_24_The_world_s_largest_cruisThe world’s largest cruise ship sails into the UK for the first time… 

Although I see it as a remarkable nautical engineering feat; there is not a jot of interest from this Yorkshire call-sign. A holiday on this leviathan would be like visiting hell on the high seas. The above view of the pigeon duckets outer cabins speaks for itself…  Yours Aye.

You just couldn’t make it up?

The Dutch motorbike gang taking on ISIS: Three members of ‘No Surrender’ Bandidos gang join Kurds to battle jihadis after Dutch prosecutor says they aren’t committing any crime.1413320269279_wps_35_Dutch_Biker_fights_with_kMembers of a notorious Dutch motorcycle gang who have been pictured helping Kurdish forces fight ISIS in Syria have been told they are not committing any crime. Three bikers from the ‘No Surrender’ Bandidos Gang travelled to Syria to help fight the Islamic militants last week, according to Klaas Otto, the head of the group. Now the Dutch prosecutor has told gang members that they will not be prosecuted for going to fight abroad, because such actions are only illegal if you are fighting troops from the Netherlands. The Dutch motorbike gang taking on ISIS fighting alongside the Kurds

I smell a Hollywood Movie (completely blown out of proportion), as well as a digital book, a new after shave (essence of smoked lamb), and a franchised line of clothes (as modelled above.) That should set the proverbial cat amongst the pigeons when the Hells Angels realise they are just extras on the shoot…      Yours Aye.