Where’s Wally ~ Where’s Waldo

Profuse apologies as the following ‘dit’ was intended for issue late Sunday evening, so put your clocks back 24 hours, and kindly read on…

I rose with the sun this morning, having taken the sleep of a dead man – a full seven hours straight without so much as an eye flicker; the first time in as many years that was accredited to a lot of back-breaking work outdoors preparing for winter. As the dogs ‘eased springs’ in their ablution yard I prepped a walking breakfast of bacon, bacon, and more bacon – set within two huge doorsteps of bread. Making up a large flask of tea for good measure, I also packed two fig rolls for guilty pleasure, as well as two large bonio’s for the canines. Speaking of ‘guilt.’Thirty pieces of silver

The guilt I suffer when fitting the harnesses onto Hannah and Nipper as Gentleman Joss looks on is enormous. I know what Judas Iscariot felt like when he was paid his thirty pieces of silver! Sadly Joss would never be able to keep up, and I explain the same to him each and every time, though I know it only makes me feel better by doing so. At least when we return from each morning jolly, Joss gets a decent plod around the fields at his own speed, unhindered by the two young whirling dervishes. it also allows me to talk to him about our past adventures together, which allows me to mentally hand back the silver a piece at a time.622px-Lassie_Jon_Provost_1961

The morning’s jolly was a decent four miles over hill and through dale, with a leisurely breakfast stop in the bright Autumn sunshine. As it was so quiet I decided on walking the last two miles back along the small country lane that leads through the tiny village close to my humble abode. Strangely enough I came across a scene straight from a Lassie film; a group of villagers were formed into a huddle in the small car park of the village hall (Lassie’s young master ‘Timmy Martin’ was missing, and this was the local search and rescue party!)

Someone from the small gathering handed me an A4 flier with faded ink; ‘MISSING CAT’ (that had a faded picture of the missing ‘black’ cat beneath the bold header) The cat looked dark in places, yet also a reddish pink around the gills and ears, with kidney problem yellow eyes. Magenta can be a cruel ink when it wants to be…Wally Woo-Woo

‘MISSING CAT’ Very friendly cat, answers to the name of ‘WALLY’ Missing since 12th October. Please could you check your sheds, garages, barns, etc, etc… Organised search requesting volunteers at the village hall at 10am – 19th October. Oh Bugger! I had now involuntary press-ganged myself into the search and rescue party, which was purely through over-staying at my earlier breakfast stop by fifteen minutes.

Folk around Yorkshire are a priceless quaint lot, who take village life and social responsibilities very serious, under such circumstances they answered the call and rallied around to help out an emotionally worn down elderly lady. For all we knew poor Timmy Martin ‘Wally’ could have fallen down an old mine shaft, or lay unconscious at the edge of a stream with the water level slowly rising. In fact looking around, I was the only involuntary volunteer with canines – so where the blooming heck was Lassie…? After being presented with designated search areas, our last offered instructions were the owners telephone number, and the fact that ‘Wally’ also responded to the call of ‘Wally Woo-Woo,’ even more so when he was hungry.

My task was to make a detour across several fields to search the old brick and wooden barns that lay semi-derelict. As I plodded on towards my mission I could hear voices echoing in the nearby woodland that sounded like owls calling out to each other. There was no way this side of the black stump that I was going to call out Wally’s dinner name, even though my only escort were the canines Hannah and Nipper.Hanah Snell

Speaking of which, when we arrived at the old barns I slipped Nipper’s lead off, and allowed him to sniff search the buildings as he was initially brought up with a couple of cats. My theory being he may be more curious towards Wally’s returned cat wail – should he somehow be trapped within.

Hannah remained on a short lead, as she was given the name Hannah Snell for a reason. (Hannah tends to shoot first with her jaws, and then asks questions – hence the end of the rat problem outside of my humble abode!)

After scouring the barn to no avail, I called the given number to state ‘building clear.’ Only to be informed that ‘Wally’ had been found in the locked Church opposite the village hall, and it would appear that he was none the worse for his seven-day ‘lock in.’ Which made me automatically think that the Church (circa 1135) no longer had a mouse problem, and the holy water in the stone font may well have aided a feline miracle. The Church may well have a feline aromatic toiletry problem in place instead

All was not lost on my behalf, as I found a treasure trove throughout my search; several pieces of old horse brass, two old Victorian chimney pots, and hand rolled glass window panes. All of which I have since purchased from the farmer at a steal-give away price, and there’s more to be found with full permission granted to boot. ‘Wally Woo-Woo,’ in more ways than one you are a bloody lucky black cat mate…     Yours ‘Smugly’ Aye.

Guns & Hong Kong on the Hudson

900px-26_-_New_York_-_Octobre_2008Nearly 35,000 New Yorker’s have been deemed mentally unfit to own guns under new post-Newtown massacre law. Almost 35,000 New Yorker’s are now listed as too mentally unstable to own guns in New York state, an explosive report has revealed. 1413797088358_Image_galleryImage_Several_people_view_a_walThe shock figure comes from a new database drawn up as part of the NY Safe Act, established in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, in 2012. The 19-month-old law is one of the nation’s toughest concerning mental health and firearms, and compels licensed mental health professionals in New York to report to the authorities any patient ‘likely to engage in conduct that would result in serious harm to self or others.’ Nearly 35,000 New Yorker’s have been deemed mentally unfit to own guns1100px-NYC_Top_of_the_Rock_PanoObviously I am not a native New Yorker, however; I have on a few occasions sampled the delights of ‘Hong Kong on the Hudson’ where I can vouch for the fact that it does have its fair share of nutters – the majority of which do come out at night. That said, 35,000 out of a population of 8,000,000 is a low percentage, and relative to any major city around the world (quadruple that figure and then double it for any major Islamic city!)       Yours Aye. York, so unique they named it once!

Justice Department double standards

Revealed: How Nazi war crime suspects were paid millions in Social Security to leave the United States quietly… and at least four are STILL enjoying taxpayer-funded lives thanks to ‘Nazi dumping’ strategy. Suspected Nazi war criminals were quietly paid millions by US taxpayers to leave the country without putting up a fight, an investigation has revealed. 1413781446493_wps_42_This_undated_handout_phot1413781464327_wps_43_This_July_28_2014_photo_s

SS guards: Martin Hartmann (far right), and Jakob Denzinger (left), who patrolled Auschwitz for the SS. Both agreed to leave the United States in a deal which let them keep receiving benefits. Hartmann lives in Berlin now, while Denzinger is in Croatia

Dozens of people, including members of Hitler’s SS who guarded death camps where millions of Jews were slaughtered, were handed the cash in exchange for leaving the country and giving up citizenship. A scientist who used slave labor to invent the Third Reich’s V-2 missile was also caught up in the so-called ‘Nazi dumping’ strategy which saw at least 38 people linked to Hitler’s murderous regime leave the US since 1979. Four living people are still receiving monthly checks from the U.S. government valued at around $1,500. Over a lifetime total payments could easily have reached $375,000 per person.1413781505153_Image_galleryImage_In_this_July_28_2014_phot

Still taking the cash: Jakob Denzinger, pictured in his Croatian home earlier this year, refused to answer questions about the financial arrangements. Nazi war crime suspects were paid millions in Social Security to leave the United States quietly…

Two double taps: Two rounds to the chest – two rounds to the head, and I am being charitable by offering to the same to such scum. There are those within the US Justice Department who need to drop their heads in total shame over such double standards.       Yours ‘Disgustedly’ Aye!

Zombie apocalypse survival kit

The pocket-sized TOOLBOX: £50 ($80) survival kits provide all you need for different emergencies… And there’s even a version for a zombie apocalypse?1413545317162_Image_galleryImage_A_company_has_created_a_r A company has created a revolutionary cylindrical tool kit for campers, hikers and even those who are afraid of a zombie apocalypse. Called the VSSL Outdoor Utility Tools, it consists of tubes each just 7.8 inches (20cm) long but holds an impressive essential 15 items. Each of the items, including a compass and matches, can be taken and put back into the cylinders as required. Inventor Todd Weimer from Vancouver is currently seeking funding for the gadget on Kickstarter. 

The pocket-sized TOOLBOX: £50 ($80) survival kit (a fool and money are easily parted!)

What utter ‘tosh!’ No doubt there will a clammer to purchase the ‘TOOLBOX’ by those referred to as ‘outdoor gadget man’ who will never ever use it, or any part of it – but will still carry the same on each and every trip. Along with every other gadget and knickknack on offer in the ‘outdoors’ stores around the country. Personally; I carry a Gerber multi-tool that allows me to prize boy scouts out of horses hooves, a stout blackthorn walking stick to thwart rogues and vagabonds, whilst accompanied by the canines. Nipper – who can bring down a charging rhino without breaking into a sweat, and Hannah in reserve for stopping runaway trucks… ;-)   Yours Aye.

Stupidity ‘gallops’ in the family…

1413511287958_wps_8_FILE_In_this_Jan_30_2010_‘I deeply regret and am embarrassed for my actions': Son of Vice President Joe Biden ‘discharged from the Navy after ONE month for testing positive for cocaine.’ Right: ‘Joe holding an imaginary tub of popcorn alongside his son Hunter.’

The 44-year-old son of U.S. Vice President Joe Biden has been discharged from the Navy following just one months service after testing positive for cocaine, it has emerged. Hunter Biden, a Yale graduate and high-profile lawyer, was an ensign in the Navy Reserve but was kicked out after failing a drug test, The Wall Street Journal reported Thursday.  Below: ‘Hunter & Joe pointing at imaginary friends, who live somewhere around their imaginary world.’1413505418523_wps_3_U_S_Vice_President_Joe_Bi

The married father-of-three, who only chose to enter into the military part-time last year, at the age of 43, reported for duty at the Navy Public Affairs Support Element East in Norfolk, Virginia, on May 7, 2013. However in June, the following month, Biden tested positive for cocaine during a urinalysis, according to The Journal. Son of Vice President Joe Biden ‘discharged from the Navy after ONE month for testing positive for cocaine.’

In time-honoured fashion for any mention of Joe Biden, I offer the following clown horn tribute. And for his son Hunter, a high-profile lawyer volunteering his services with the USN ‘Public Affairs Support Element,’ I offer the following ‘March of the Gladiators’ ‘Big Top’ Circus Theme Song Because only a clown would use cocaine and then hope to pass a urine test within the Armed Forces? Hunter should face the fact that stupidity runs in his family, and take solace in the knowledge that he isn’t alone…      Yours Aye.

Hey, whats in a name anyway?

duffel bagA durable and lightweight duffle bag. The ‘Bomber Barrel’ duffel bag measures 18″x10″x10″ and weighs only 390g. Its made of ripstop nylon and has a leather shoulder pad, emergency paracord zipper pulls and military grade clips.

b duffle bagbb duf bagThe ‘Bomber-Barrel’ duffel bag ‘THE BEST DAMN EVERY DAY CARRY’

Transportation Security Administration may just ‘disagree’ with the advertising quote of “THE BEST DAMN EVERY DAY CARRY!” Especially with ‘BOMBER BARREL’ stitched into the fabric for all to see. Call me a doubting Thomas if you wish, but I have a feeling the marketing people for ‘Bomber Barrel’ duffel bags will fail to ‘hit’ their ‘target’ audience? Time for a Darwin Award nomination…      Yours Aye.

A miracle I tell you-a miracle!

1413386896457_wps_34_Pic_shows_Members_of_the_First he had his congregation eating grass to make them ‘close to God’, now controversial South African preacher makes his flock drink PETROL! A South African preacher who made his congregation eat grass to make them ‘closer to God’ before using them as a human carpet has now got them drinking petrol.

1413386384907_wps_23_Pic_shows_One_member_of_tPastor Lesego Daniel of the Rabboni Centre Ministry poured some of the liquid into a bucket before dropping a match into it and setting it alight to prove that it really was petrol. Unveiling his latest ‘miracle’ to the congregation, he then told them that the petrol had been turned into pineapple juice and persuaded people to line up to take a sip from a bottle of the liquid. 

A South African preacher changes water into wine petrol into pineapple juice?

No need to check your calendar, you have not lost over 5 months – it is not April 1st! In fact sitting here typing this I heard the church bell hit 1 solitary strike, making it 01:00hrs on Thursday 16th October 2014. Methinks ‘Pastor Lesego Daniel’ missed his true vocation in life, he should have been a politician!      Yours Aye.

Hell on the high seas

1413372188520_wps_20_INS_News_Agency_Ltd_15_10 The world’s largest cruise ship arrived in the UK today for the first time. The £800m Oasis Of The Seas sailed into Southampton at 10am on Wednesday in dense fog, welcomed by a crowd of hundreds and helicopters circling overhead. Weighing 225,282 tonnes, the 1,187ft ship is longer than London’s ‘The Shard’ is tall, and at 208ft wide, larger than the wingspan of a Boeing 747. Passengers will be boarding all afternoon and it leaves Southampton for Vigo, Spain, and Fort Lauderdale, Florida, tonight. The Royal Caribbean cruise ship is 40 per cent larger than any other vessel to ever dock in the UK, and has the capacity to house 5,400 passengers and 2,394 crew. 1413372289487_wps_24_The_world_s_largest_cruisThe world’s largest cruise ship sails into the UK for the first time… 

Although I see it as a remarkable nautical engineering feat; there is not a jot of interest from this Yorkshire call-sign. A holiday on this leviathan would be like visiting hell on the high seas. The above view of the pigeon duckets outer cabins speaks for itself…  Yours Aye.

You just couldn’t make it up?

The Dutch motorbike gang taking on ISIS: Three members of ‘No Surrender’ Bandidos gang join Kurds to battle jihadis after Dutch prosecutor says they aren’t committing any crime.1413320269279_wps_35_Dutch_Biker_fights_with_kMembers of a notorious Dutch motorcycle gang who have been pictured helping Kurdish forces fight ISIS in Syria have been told they are not committing any crime. Three bikers from the ‘No Surrender’ Bandidos Gang travelled to Syria to help fight the Islamic militants last week, according to Klaas Otto, the head of the group. Now the Dutch prosecutor has told gang members that they will not be prosecuted for going to fight abroad, because such actions are only illegal if you are fighting troops from the Netherlands. The Dutch motorbike gang taking on ISIS fighting alongside the Kurds

I smell a Hollywood Movie (completely blown out of proportion), as well as a digital book, a new after shave (essence of smoked lamb), and a franchised line of clothes (as modelled above.) That should set the proverbial cat amongst the pigeons when the Hells Angels realise they are just extras on the shoot…      Yours Aye.

Ancient underground car-park

A ‘Remarkable and rare’ 2,200-year-old chariot unearthed in Melton Mowbray…      A ‘remarkable and rare’ Iron Age chariot has been uncovered during an excavation of an ancient hill-fort in Leicestershire.1413300662160_wps_6_Archaeologists_have_unearA single chariot lynch pin is shown from three angles, showing the intricate decoration at the ends. Archaeologists discovered the bronze chariot fittings, along with horse care tools from 2nd or 3rd Century BC, at an ancient fort in Burrough Hill. Experts believe the chariot was either dismantled or never built, and would have belonged to a high-status individual such as a noble or warrior. The archaeologists who found the treasures are said to be shell-shocked by the enormity of their discovery. The decorated fittings from the 2,200-year-old Iron Age chariot appear to have been buried as a religious offering.1413300755571_wps_11_Archaeologists_have_unearThe discovery was made by students from the University of Leicester during their ongoing excavation of the Burrough Hill Iron Age hill-fort (pictured), near Melton Mowbray. ‘Remarkable and rare’ 2,200-year-old chariot unearthed in Melton Mowbray, Leicester 

We’ve all done it before! Taken on a project and never got round to finishing it, and there it sits in the garage/shed/workshop just gathering dust (or in some cases buried underground for 2,200 years!) So if that’s the case, what’s in your garage/shed/workshop that you haven’t gotten round too just yet? Come on, shoulders back, chest out, chin up, and speak in a loud clear voice so we can all hear…   Yours Aye.

My mountain bike has been sat in pieces for several months, which I keep making feeble excuses over for not re-building!  Six ‘Hail Mary’s’ and Four ‘Our Father’s’ as penance!  (It’s a Catholic thing) ;-)

When nature speaks loudest

It has to be said that I don’t really have a sweet tooth, as I much prefer fresh fruit to candy or chocolate, however; through the day I do enjoy a McVitie’s digestive biscuit with a cup of tea. My after midnight ‘cuppa-char’ tends to bring out the beast in me, as I ditch the digestive for a Jacobs fig roll, after which all is well with the world. Except on Sunday morning just gone, when I discovered the biscuit tin/cookie jar was emptier than a Presidential promise!  The previous night I had absent-mindedly left the afore-mentioned storage vessel on the small side table next to my easy chair, with the lid insecure.jacobs1.JPG

Twelve of Jacobs finest were missing, and soon enough nature would tell me which of the three canines had mooched them away in the wee silent hours. It was soon obvious that Joss was not in on the act, as he ‘performed’ his constitutional duty in time-honoured fashion by ‘easing springs’ diligently, efficiently, and with dignity – as befits an older dog of war. As always I bagged and ditched natures by-product, as I keep the canine yard disinfected and as immaculate as the parade ground at the Commando Training Centre.  And then…pro-kolin+_30ml

So violent was the rear blast from Hannah, that she almost took off like a released balloon swirling through the air without a tied knot. I put the empty bag back in my pocket, and reached for the high pressure hose knowing I had one guilty canine before me.

images-1Nipper remained impassive, and simply stared up into the heavens as a murder of crows flew noisily by, and then without warning he lit up his single after burner and almost joined them. It was obvious from the spluttering after burner that Nipper had got to the biscuit tin/cookie jar first; quite obvious! And so it came to pass, that the guilty pair’s self-inflicted punishment  continued intermittently throughout the morning. Sunday was not a day of rest in my humble abode…

Fortunately as the day grew longer my good friend Pro Kolin assisted in settling the mood. Sadly I had to settle for a digestive with my after midnight ‘cuppa-char,’ which was a lesson learned, and not one to be repeated ever again.      Yours ‘negligently’ Aye.

Thoughts on Ebola by Chris Brown

Mean while in celebrity la-la-land, the worlds foremost expert in infectious diseases – R&B singer ‘Chris Brown,’ states; ‘Ebola? It’s population control’1413210043711_Image_galleryImage_INGLEWOOD_CA_AUGUST_24_Re

R&B singer Chris Brown has been ridiculed for a bizarre outburst on Twitter in which he claimed the killer Ebola virus is a ‘form of population control’The outspoken artist tweeted his thoughts on the epidemic, which has killed more than 4,000 people in West Africa as well as one person in the U.S. Brown wrote: ‘I don’t know … But I think this Ebola epidemic is a form of population control. S*** is getting crazy bruh.’ Air-head celebrity R&B singer ‘Chris Brown,’ on being a celebrity ‘air-head!’ 

BRITAIN-SCIENCE-HEALTH-EBOLA

And here’s me thinking  (right) Professor Peter Piot CMG MD PhD DTM, of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine was the foremost Infectious disease expert? Through his 40-years of research on clinical, microbiological, epidemiological, and public health aspects of sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, tuberculosis, and women’s health in Africa, and, more recently, on the politics of AIDS and global health, including chronic diseases.

‘Upon my soul, we live and learn some thing new each and every day!’ What next? Justin Beiber turns out to be a fully qualified Nuclear Physicist!      Yours Aye.

Speaking from his rear end!

Zionists, the US government and the ‘wicked’ British created ISIS to destroy Iran, rants country’s supreme religious leader. Iran’s supreme leader has blamed the U.S. and ‘wicked’ British for creating the Islamic State terror group which has seized control of a swathe of Iraq and Syria.1413215523073_wps_2_Iran_s_Supreme_Leader_Aya 

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei’s sharp remarks, in his first speech since prostate surgery last month, were a reminder of Iranian suspicions of the west despite the rise of a common foe. He went on to say “America, Zionism, and especially the veteran expert of spreading divisions, the wicked government of Britain, have sharply increased their efforts of creating divisions between the Sunnis and Shiites.”

Thanks for clearing that up ‘Ali’ me old mate. I have sat for hours pondering over who was responsible for the creation of the ISIS/ISIL/IS toe-rags… Besides having your prostate removed, the quacks in your mediaeval hospital may well have conducted a partial lobotomy, and failed miserably!      Yours Aye.

In Flashman’s footsteps

1412966855725_Image_galleryImage_File_picture_of_Major_RobStripped of his Military Cross: The Royal Artillery Major who took credit for others’ bravery becomes first soldier in armed forces history to have medal rescinded.  An officer who was awarded one of Britain’s most coveted gallantry medals for his bravery in Afghanistan has been stripped of it after he exaggerated his heroism.

It is the first time the Queen has rescinded a gallantry medal issued to a serviceman and the case could undermine confidence in the awards system in the armed forces. Major Robert Michael Armstrong had been accused of taking credit for others’ bravery after Taliban gunmen ambushed a convoy in Helmand in 2008. Armstrong was awarded the Military Cross for dodging bullets and inspiring Afghan troops to fire rockets at the enemy. But a five-year investigation by defence chiefs concluded he helped to write the medal citation. 

Flashman-Charge
As a result, the medal will be withdrawn in a decision due to be announced by the London Gazette – the journal which publishes official notices.

Former Major, Robert Michael Armstrong, Royal Artillery. Stripped of his Military Cross gallantry medal by the Queen

The man is a blaggard, scoundrel and a boundah – with the morals of a mongrel. He  need well hang his head in shame… The least he could have done was taken his revolver to the library for a damn good clean!    Yours Aye.  Harrumph… 

A cheating Democrat = Never?

Army War College rescinds Montana Sen. John Walsh’s degree after investigation confirms he plagiarised a research paper. The U.S. Army War College revoked Democratic Sen. John Walsh’s master’s degree after an investigation completed on Friday concluded he plagiarized a research paper required to graduate, a college spokeswoman said.John Walsh, Michael Walsh

The Carlisle, Pennsylvania, college assigned an academic review board to the probe in August after The New York Times published a story showing that the Montana senator borrowed heavily from other sources for a paper he wrote in 2007. Walsh was pursuing a Master of Strategic Studies degree at age 47, a year before he became Montana’s Adjutant-General overseeing the state National Guard.

Walsh’s office released a statement saying the senator ‘disagrees with the findings’ but accepts the college’s decision. ‘I apologize to all Montanans for the plagiarism in my 2007 paper, and I am prepared to live with its consequences,’ Walsh said in the statement. Democratic Sen. John Walsh’s master’s degree revoked due to cheating…

It would appear that he has all of the correct tributes required for his political career. Had it been a Republican who cheated, the story would have been splashed all over the papers as headline news. But as a Democrat it gets dropped in close to the funnies… At least the MSM reported it, which just goes to show they know the end is near for the White House Circus.      Yours Aye. 

Once A Marine Always A Marine

Royal Marine, 94, who single-handedly took out a German machine gun on D-Day is presented with second green beret to replace the one he gave up 60 years ago. A Royal Marine veteran who single-handedly took out a German machine-gun post on D-Day is awarded his second green beret – after he lost his original 60 years ago.1412956099652_wps_66_Undated_handout_photo_iss 1412957806628_wps_91_Undated_handout_photo_issFrank Cramp, 94, handed the prized headgear back along with the rest of his kit when he left the Royal Marines in 1954. The ex-corporal only discovered afterwards he was allowed to keep it and spent six decades regretting his mistake.

But when Navy chiefs heard about his plight they decided to reward brave Old Age Pensioner Frank with a replacement green beret – the official headdress of the British Commandos of WWII, and still worn by Royal Marines today. Royal Marine Veteran Frank Cramp aged 94

 Gawd bless you ‘Royal’ and all of your oppo’s too!  B.Z.    Yours Aye.